Lying about having a child


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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  December 30,2009, 10:49pm
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I've been writing to a gentleman from another site, and on his profile he states that he does not have any children. Through the powers of google and other information, I found that he has a child. Actually there is a picture in internet land with him and his child.

I feel a bit duped. Have any of you encountered someone has has lied about their children? How have you handled it? I thought lying about age was bad, but to keep a child hidden? Bad, bad, bad.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  December 30,2009, 11:04pm
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Hmmm, a picture of him with a child? Wow, could it be a niece or nephew? Maybe whatever site you found this information on is incorrect.

It is worth asking him about and not jumping to conclusion. Not all info on the Internet is good info.

You may be correct, he may be holding back information.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #3  December 30,2009, 11:13pm
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I wish it were so, unfortunately in this case it is his own webpage declaring it's him and he has a son. There's no denying it's him or that he has a child since he states it in his initial paragraph.
Trust me I wish it weren't a lie since we're hitting it off, but I went back to check on his profile page and under Children he has "no". I'm thinking quite a few things at the moment: a)It's sad that he denies he has a child b)For some reason he feels he has to lie about it c)When does he plan on telling potential matches that he has a son? d)He moved from another state and what does that mean about the frequency in seeing his child? e)It's flat out lying.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  December 30,2009, 11:46pm
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Yeah, hard to deny the own web page thing. You may want to bring it up as nicely as possible. And remember, if he has moved, there is another parent involved who could be making it difficult for him to see his child. Or, he could be a flake.

Procede with caution. You know information he thinks you don't.

OR, he hit the wrong button his profile. That thought hit me only because I remember setting up a profile on a site and I had not entered something on one part. Then a potential match said something very specific about my physical description that wasn't true. The site had defaulted my profile to something else. Weird!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  December 31,2009, 3:52am
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In some age groups single parents experience a whole lot of rejection online so it's likely that he is hiding the fact until you get to know him, fall for him, and then it's not so easy to walk away from him since you are now invested in the relationship.

My personal view on that is that it's manipulative behavior that does not have any excuse for it. I have encountered some men who tried this approach and to me, the fact that he was lying and manipulating is THE dealbreaker. Having a child is not something you just forget to mention.
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #6  December 31,2009, 4:20am
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my5cents wrote :
I went back to check on his profile page and under Children he has "no".
If it's like eHarmony, there is no way in your profile settings to say that you do not have any children. You either, have children living with you full time, or you don't.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #7  December 31,2009, 4:37am
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You're talking to him; if he otherwise seems like a good guy, why don't you just ask him if he has any kids and see what he says? It may be that he hit the wrong button, or interpreted the question it to mean "living with you." Or, who knows...

Don't assume lying until you get more information...
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #8  December 31,2009, 4:46am
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my5cents wrote :
but I went back to check on his profile page and under Children he has "no".
Does it specifically say "do you have children" or "how many children do you have"? On some dating sites it's formulated as if they want children - meaning in a future relationship.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #9  December 31,2009, 6:02am
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DancingFool wrote :
In some age groups single parents experience a whole lot of rejection online so it's likely that he is hiding the fact until you get to know him, fall for him, and then it's not so easy to walk away from him since you are now invested in the relationship.
That logic definitely exists. Don't know how smart it is. Not doing such a great job of hiding it if the OP found it online relatively easily.

Lying about your age online is nasty. Lying about having a kid is a 100% dooshbag move. Cut off all contact with the dude.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #10  December 31,2009, 6:55am
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In most of the guys' profiles I see, if they're fathers they'll mention it in their text, and many also have photos with their kids. I would wonder about a guy who didn't say anything about his child in his profile.
 
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