Andrea8823 is offline Andrea8823 Post #1  December 30,2009, 1:57am
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Whenever I start dating someone, I'm constantly worried that I'll do or say something wrong and that they'll lost interest in me. But for some reason, this is when I'm most attracted to the person...There's something about ambiguity that really peaks my interest.

So in reference to the guy I'm dating: After stressing out for weeks, worrying that he wasn't really interested/wasn't attracted to me (etc), I've come to realize that he really does like me. We're basically at the point where we could be called a couple, but we haven't actually "had that talk yet".

But now that I know there isn't much of a risk involved, and we're more comfortable with each other, it's like I'm not as interested as I was before. Does anyone else have this problem?

This isn't the first time this has happened with me. Almost every guy I've dated I start off feeling butterflies and a sense of nervousness, and once that sense of initial risk/fear subsides, I'm not as crazy about them.

With all this being said, don't interpret it as though I don't like the guy I'm dating; because I do. It just isn't the same as when we first met.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  December 30,2009, 2:20am
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You have to figure out what you want.

If you need more intensity & for that feeling to continue then put effort into going to a higher level. Find out what makes you happy & do it daily. That way the extreme feeling does not have to die. Dig deeper into him & yourself. You might be getting bored with the surface but there is more.

You do not have to fall into a comfort zone unless you get lazy. Don't let it happen. Push the limits of fun & adventure.

It is a huge problem if you only want what you cannot have or what is challenging to have. If you don't know what you want when you see it or experience it then you may need to learn more about yourself & what you want & need. Actually quantify it.

Do you know what you like? Do you have difficulty deciding if or how much you like something? That can be a huge problem in actually satisfying yourself if you don't know what it would take to do it.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #3  December 30,2009, 3:02am
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I agree with Bigfincat. Additionally, what you describe reminds me of a syndrome where people imagine non-existant situations and even relationships. Don't worry though you wouldn't be alone if this were the case. Most people at one time or another have done it, myself included.

To rectify a runaway imagination distract yourself as Bigfincat suggests. Take you guys as they are and excercise your imagination on other things.
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richey is online now richey Post #4  December 30,2009, 3:33am
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Ahhh I see.. you love the the thrill of the hunt, but not the kill.
Yes.. a lot of people are like this, and unfrotunately, it's not a healthy way of life and it's tellling you that you have some insecurity issues you have to work through.

In short, what's going on is that your insecurity is driving your need to feel desired. This abnormal amount of need to feel desired means you need to continually reassure your own insecurities of desirability by constantly being woo'd by a new man. (Because once you have a man, you just assume "he's only saying positive things about me cuz he's with me). So only a man who does not know you, or is not committed to you will satisfy what you require to continue feeling like you are a desirable woman.

Extreme insecurity is something you can try to overcome on your own (but it's very difficult), but mostly probably requires some help from a counselor to overcome (for one, to undrstand what is causing the insecurity, and therefore two, how and what must happen to overcome it).

Good luck.
Richey
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  December 30,2009, 4:55am
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Happens in every single relationship - it's called when the lust dies is there anything really there between the two people that would keep the relationship growing and evolving into different stages. To put it another way, is there anything more beyond just chemistry and the thrill of the chase. Precisely why many relationships end at the three month mark.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  December 30,2009, 5:54am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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OP: sounds to me like a recipe for never being happy in a relationship. The hope might be that you might eventually find a man who you remain interested in even after you're past the stage of 'ambiguity'.

When I was young and in college I was somewhat like this. I'd be very interested in them until I actually went out with them and began to know them....then I'd lose interest. For me this was due to my having unreal expectations of them and came from a whole lot of insecurity on my part.
 
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