Men: reactions to women asking you out?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  December 29,2009, 2:40pm
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I've heard LOTS of the men around here say they wish women would make the first move.

So, if an interesting woman approached you, how would you handle it?

If it's happened to you already, how did it go in the end?

What are your tips for any ladies who are trying to figure out how best to approach a man?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  December 29,2009, 2:46pm
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Never has happened to me, but if it did and I was attracted to her I would say yes and not think twice about it.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  December 29,2009, 2:47pm
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I'm probably be oblivious right up until an actual invitation was issued.

At that point - assuming I was available - if there were no reason not to, I'd accept.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  December 29,2009, 3:12pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I'm probably be oblivious right up until an actual invitation was issued.

At that point - assuming I was available - if there were no reason not to, I'd accept.
I think I'd fall into this camp too. Thinking back to college, I think I totally missed some chances because I needed to be hit over the head with a clue by four. Shy of her ripping off her clothes and saying, "take me now you big stud" I was probably going to just miss it altogether.

I haven't been asked out by a woman since high school, so you probably really can't count that. That particular relationship lasted a few months until we went to college and went our separate ways.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  December 29,2009, 3:20pm
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MicMan wrote :
I think I totally missed some chances because I needed to be hit over the head with a clue by four. Shy of her ripping off her clothes and saying, "take me now you big stud" I was probably going to just miss it altogether.

I agree with this.

I try to think through this history myself and make a plan for all the things women have said that seemed like an invitation to talk ... that I realized ten minutes too late.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  December 29,2009, 3:36pm

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I had an EH match initiated communication and that was flattering (she was cute also).

If I'm interested in the person, I have no problem with women initiating.
 
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richey is online now richey Post #7  December 29,2009, 4:45pm
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It's realy not that complicated ~ just approach us and talk to us. That's it. Say 'hi', start small talk.

Richey
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  December 29,2009, 5:06pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
I've heard LOTS of the men around here say they wish women would make the first move.

So, if an interesting woman approached you, how would you handle it?

If it's happened to you already, how did it go in the end?
Actually...I wish the women that I'm interested in would ask me out. Not those I'm not interested in. Unfortunately....that isn't the way it has worked out for me. The women who have pursued me the most in the past have been a couple women who were married.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #9  December 29,2009, 5:24pm
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If a woman I would ask out myself approaches me, I would have no problems accepting and would not think she was desperate. In my experience, however, the vast majority of women to approach me are women I would have no interest in, but not solely because they made the approach.

I have advocated for woman what I call the "hybrid" approach. The woman simply states that she is interested in doing a certain activity or going for coffee. Any man with common sense will see this as the green light to formally ask her out, plan the date, etc. Any man who can't see that deserves to miss out.

I'll give an example. Many, many years ago I was out with a group of people, including a woman I'd met for the first time the day before. The first day she and I just talked, but we were among a larger group. After the next get-together, she stated to the group that she was tired and ready to go home and go to sleep. As we were leaving the pub, she says to me: "Are you heading home?" I said, "yes, I want to catch the last train back to my apartment." She responded, "I think I'm going to head back to my room and watch TV." This coming from the same woman who'd just said she was going to bed. This was obviously her leaving the door open to hanging out with me alone. At that point, I told her that if she was staying up (her hotel was near the pub) I would be happy to hang out with her. It was as simple as that. No formal invitation to take me out to dinner, a movie, etc. was necessary. That's the hybrid approach.

Men aren't necessarily looking for women to start asking them out. We're simply looking for more affirmative signs from women that they would be open to being asked out, with a high probability of her saying yes.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #10  December 29,2009, 5:42pm
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I’ve been where MicMan was for a long time… Clues have evidently been shot at me the size of ICBM’s:

Her: "It’d be *really* nice if I had someone to take me to this party next Saturday, but *no one* has asked me. Are *you* gonna go?"

But I apparently had excellent ECM.

Me: "What party? Huh?"

Recently, the clue radar has been upgraded. I am now able to detect clues the size of a small (Volkswagen) Beetle. Really need to work on that some more…
 
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