lorenzo922 is offline lorenzo922 Post #1  December 29,2009, 12:38pm
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You'd think I would've figured this out already, but I begin to have a problem with a woman who doesn't offer to help with the dating expenses after, what?, the third date. Am I off-based with this?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  December 29,2009, 12:47pm
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There are no set rules for this, I generally always pay and sometimes will let my SO pay if she offers. But I wouldn't be offended if she never offered. But that is me, if you think she should be offering to pay perhaps tell her this? She might get offended or maybe she will start offering.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  December 29,2009, 1:02pm
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I don't think you are off base Lorenzo, but there are a lot of varying opinions on this.

If the women you are dating don't feel compelled to even offer to contribute by the third date, and you are uncomfortable with that, I think you should consider dating different women.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #4  December 29,2009, 1:02pm

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If your expectation is for a woman to share dating costs (and I think that is a fair expectation) you need to look for a more feminist type of woman. Even now, as I have discovered here in the eHa boards, a majority of the women expect the man to pay for the date.

My 'style' as regards dating costs is in my profile. I pay my own way. Perhaps you should clearly state your desire for shared costs.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  December 29,2009, 1:02pm
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lorenzo922 wrote :
You'd think I would've figured this out already, but I begin to have a problem with a woman who doesn't offer to help with the dating expenses after, what?, the third date. Am I off-based with this?
Nope, you are not. "Going Dutch" is what we do in Europe without even thinking about it.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  December 29,2009, 1:36pm
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Don't look for 50/50 (most likely that will never happen), but use the eyeball test -- if she's not volunteering to make some contribution by the third date or so, time to reevaluate.

Women who disagree with this issue argue that they do invest money into the date by buying new clothes, going to a salon, etc. However, these costs are not often manifested, so many men have no idea of this. But just keep that in mind as well, while remembering that whatever clothes she buys can be worn on another date. Once you spend money on dates, that money will never be recuperated or recycled.

Put in the hard work ahead to make sure that the women you are taking on dates are worth your time and money.
Last edited by tbesq; December 29,2009 at 1:54pm.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  December 29,2009, 1:51pm
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I say that people who believe that dates should share the cost of the bill... should only date women who believe that as well. No point in making yourself upset, or boiling after each date when she doesn't pick up the tab. It's a difficult topic, but one that can easily be had over email. Or, after the third date (would at least wait to that one if you really like her, then move on).

I get my nails done, look great, buy new clothes (all of which are true), I also cook, buy small thoughtful gifts, etc. I do not actually pay the "bill" afterwards, and would be surprised if I were asked to (however am always prepared to on the first date if necessary). However, the guys that typically date me set the expectation up front that the woman never pays, and that is what they prefer and what a gentleman does.

If the person you are taking out is not grateful and you feel you are not getting your return out of the cost of the date, move on.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  December 29,2009, 1:57pm
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lorenzo922 wrote :
You'd think I would've figured this out already, but I begin to have a problem with a woman who doesn't offer to help with the dating expenses after, what?, the third date. Am I off-based with this?

She should be meeting "dating expenses" half way (assuming neither party is pushing the other into a higher-cost lifestyle, in which case that person may reasonably incur more than half the cost.)

If you care to be snarky, fax your your employer's affirmative action policy as your final message.

Don't allow being lonely to let people exploit you.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #9  December 29,2009, 2:06pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Don't allow being lonely to let people exploit you.
don't be bitter either... women aren't necessarily out to cheat or game you either. It's often just a difference in perspective.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  December 29,2009, 2:37pm
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jussmile wrote :
don't be bitter either... women aren't necessarily out to cheat or game you either. It's often just a difference in perspective.

So, you believe in 50/50?

And you make sure that is maintained in your dating?
 
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