Have your dating preferences evolved over time?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  December 28,2009, 3:14pm
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I'm curious to learn if anyone has any fundamental preferences in a partner that have changed over time?

For example, maybe you always sought someone who was extremely ambitious career wise, but now would be happier to find someone who was CONTENT in their career; maybe you felt that spirituality needed to be a key point of connection between you and a partner, but now are content in a partner whose faith doesn't exactly match your own.

Please note that I'm not talking about the idea of "settling" here; rather, have your preferences actually changed to where you no longer strongly prefer what you previously did and instead you strongly prefer something else.

If you have seen a change in your fundamental preferences, how has the quality of your relationships been since that change took place?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 28,2009, 3:18pm
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I'd say yes ... at least, sort of, depending on form ...

I used to not care if a woman had a home of her own and decent employment - since so many of my partners were still students. Today, I expect those would be major screens.

Another issue I expect I may face today, is checking her for failed relationships; at a younger age, it seems my partners hadn't had enough serious experience to have baggage ... just like me!
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #3  December 28,2009, 3:28pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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My preferences have become more subject to availability.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  December 28,2009, 3:46pm
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Well, when I first started dating (40+) years ago, I was all about the good time.

Between husbands, early 40s, I went for Character & Responsibility.

Those Character issues served me well enough in the past that I trust they will do the same in my future, when I decide to go that route.

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ps...Frog, just wondering what percentage of women in their mid-30s (or whatever your target range is) have their own homes vs. those that are renting.....
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  December 28,2009, 3:46pm
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Definitely!
I used to think I wanted to date only men that had degrees, worked in offices in suits, lawyers, bankers, accountants. The guy who always looks put together and is totally career minded. They turned less intriguing as time went on.

I now like country boys and cowboys who know how to do things. Build, hunt, fish, chop wood. They wear Wranglers and baseball hats and drive big trucks. Work on ranches and dig ditches and fix things for a living.

The only kind of man that had never fallen more in or out of preference for me is the military or public service kind. They are more than likely to be a true mix of both rugged and put together.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  December 28,2009, 3:54pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
ps...Frog, just wondering what percentage of women in their mid-30s (or whatever your target range is) have their own homes vs. those that are renting.....

My post didn't intend to imply a contractual form, but the economic wherewithal to secure a sole-occupancy residence.

This question has been location-specific for me: in an urban area, single women not living with parents were majority renting; in the suburbs, where I found most of my partners, about half owned.

Though I am 37, the personal experience I post about is actually five to ten years old and more. Today I expect the women will be primarily owners.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  December 28,2009, 4:07pm

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Oh, I certainly would hope so! I was pretty crazy and wild in my youth and am not nearly as much now!

I'm have vacillated between wanting "Girls just wanna have fun" type of guys to looking for someone solid and dependable and think the pendulum has swung about to the middle of its arc. Actually I reached that point at about age 45 and have looked for that kind of man again as I began to date once more.

While having an enjoyable time on a date, I also look for some intellect and the capability of compassion, acceptance and care within a man. There are an amazing variety of combinations of these traits around.

As for settling, isn't that another form of compromise? What is the difference between the two? Ah Ha-another thread ides..forget the question here, I'll start a new thread.
 
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Mekel is offline Mekel Post #8  December 28,2009, 4:20pm
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For me it's not so much that my preferences have changed over time as that they've become more defined. I know now more specifically what I'm looking for where before I'd have been content with someone who fit a more general set of desires. Although, I suppose from another perspective one could say that that itself constitutes a change of preferences.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #9  December 28,2009, 4:40pm
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Great thread Lori!

I have found my preferences have notably changed over the last three or four years.

In that time I've changed from a guy who enjoyed going out and good times.

I've become much more career-oriented and am seeking someone more like I am now.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  December 28,2009, 4:59pm

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trixie1868 wrote :
My preferences have become more subject to availability.
I'm available!
 
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