beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #1  December 28,2009, 4:59am
beentherehave…'s Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2008

Florida

Posts: 296

See profile

Would you date someone who had a very tramatic breakup and is sort of beaten down by it and basing his present behavior in a relationship on this past experience?

He claims that he returned home from work and the house was emptied; his clothes in a heap on the living room floor and she was gone. Poof! Well, "the EX" as her still refers to her, was having an affair with her boss- "the EX" moved in with the boss!

It's been 7 years since the fateful day, and there are still some negative signs of anger and resentment.

Is this person 'dateable'? Would you date such a person or just move on or try to work things out and be patient with their ever frustrating behavior? I am NOT the EX!

Are there men out there with no serious issues? Geesh! (another post)
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #2  December 28,2009, 6:15am
NYCpigeon's Avatar

There are oceans of feelings between us

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

Brooklyn, NY

Posts: 1,199

See profile

beentherehavetee wrote :
Would you date someone who had a very tramatic breakup and is sort of beaten down by it and basing his present behavior in a relationship on this past experience?

He claims that he returned home from work and the house was emptied; his clothes in a heap on the living room floor and she was gone. Poof! Well, "the EX" as her still refers to her, was having an affair with her boss- "the EX" moved in with the boss!

It's been 7 years since the fateful day, and there are still some negative signs of anger and resentment.

Is this person 'dateable'? Would you date such a person or just move on or try to work things out and be patient with their ever frustrating behavior? I am NOT the EX!

Are there men out there with no serious issues? Geesh! (another post)
Like everything else, it's a matter of degree. Oftentimes it's not a matter of if there's baggage, but will it interfere with his ability to have good times with you. Only you know the answer to that question.

Seven years is a long time. He's still talking about it?
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #3  December 28,2009, 6:24am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

The question is ... did he learn anything from it? Or is it something he's just going to talk about endlessly. The former is dateable the latter maybe not.
 
  Reply With Quote
SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #4  December 28,2009, 6:38am
SierraMountai…'s Avatar

The Doctor just called. Your test results are in.

Power Poster

Joined: Apr 2008

California, but NORTHERN California

Posts: 6,025

See profile

I have been guilty of that, when I started dating again, but now try to shut up about it totally until asked, and when it does ultimately come up, as inveitably she asks, try (thanks to the advice received here), not to let "the floodgates open" and turn it into a rant, which I used to do.

What was done to me was hideous, ghastly, and almost unbelievable in its callousness and cruelty; that said, though, it had nohing to do with the date, who correctly believes she should be judged on HER on merits.

I *do* understand that now, and mostly act accordingly on my dates, as it is only fair, though I know it has to some extent, caused my cynicism to wax clearly on here, over and over at times, in my remarks.. (and yet, I am very aware that gratuitous evil is done by BOTH sexes a LOT)
Last edited by 6dle899; December 28,2009 at 6:42am.
 
  Reply With Quote
DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  December 28,2009, 7:18am
DennisWiscons…'s Avatar

Milwaukee

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Milwaukee

Posts: 5,720

See profile

beentherehavetee wrote :
Would you date someone who had a very tramatic breakup and is sort of beaten down by it and basing his present behavior in a relationship on this past experience?
I personally would not. My own peace of mind is worth too much and I don't want to spend any time trying to second guess someone's motives.

I agree with nightling, everyone has a history. The question is, have they dealt with it in a healthy manner and moved on?
 
  Reply With Quote
jussmile is offline jussmile Post #6  December 28,2009, 7:49am
jussmile's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

Seattle

Posts: 3,837

See profile

we all have our own forms of baggage... that is sure enough... however, if you are not ready to date, have not gotten over the traumas of your ex, then you should not date. I would not deal with that type of baggage and would tell the person to call me once they've gotten over it and ready to move on.

This is important to me because happiness is purely up to the person you are with. you cannot make them happy, they can only choose to be happy for themselves. if they are already exhibiting that type of behavior, then, they are not content with life and not happy with where they are. I have been with a non-happy person and thought I could make them happy... you can't!
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  December 28,2009, 11:13am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

beentherehavetee wrote :
Would you date someone who had a very tramatic breakup and is sort of beaten down by it and basing his present behavior in a relationship on this past experience?

He claims that he returned home from work and the house was emptied; his clothes in a heap on the living room floor and she was gone. Poof! Well, "the EX" as her still refers to her, was having an affair with her boss- "the EX" moved in with the boss!

It's been 7 years since the fateful day, and there are still some negative signs of anger and resentment.

Is this person 'dateable'? Would you date such a person or just move on or try to work things out and be patient with their ever frustrating behavior? I am NOT the EX!

Are there men out there with no serious issues? Geesh! (another post)
This is called baggage and in this case really heavy baggage. Anyone who is still carrying around problems from their previous relationships is not dateable until they have come to grips with their problems and gotten them resolved.

Yes, and I am one of them. I am quite certain that I am not the only one.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  December 28,2009, 11:20am
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,143

See profile

I agree with Gr8Guyn2008. He almost sounds like anyone he goes near would be in for one heck of a ride. Seven years is a long time, even if they were together longer than that. He needs to get couseling, and you shouldn't be the counselor.
 
  Reply With Quote
souxieque is offline souxieque Post #9  December 28,2009, 11:40am

settled for a while on the Oregon Coast

Unregistered

Joined: Dec 2009

Couch Surfing This summer.

Posts: 240

See profile

Ever body has problems in there life dont they? if they dump on u, then they are care more about their problems then they do you. so i think they are not really ready to be on a date yet. if i dumped my probs. on people all of the time i would not have any friends. so i would find someone else to date too.
Thank You Very Much Souxieque
 
  Reply With Quote
hogrally is offline hogrally Post #10  December 28,2009, 11:54am
hogrally's Avatar

when it rain its pours.... menzzzz

Virtuoso

Joined: Sep 2008

East of Haines Junction

Posts: 4,948

See profile

Yes, and I am one of them. I am quite certain that I am not the only one.

((( hugs )))
In a word yes. I have dated them and I would again. I pick them up dust them off and teach them how to trust ( themselves and other people ) again. More than once I have been the one before the one and only and I am Ok with that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Do over! | Dating | What's your definition of a "Player" »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“but isnt' "comedy" subjective?” –  richey

Join the “I think I blew it...” discussion

“"So, at what point did you decide I was only going to be a one-date kind of guy?" Hi Carole, I am late to this thread. Thanks for such an interesting topic! My initial reaction was to think ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“A little tough love... The lesson here: date married men at your own peril. The man was married when YOU began a relationship with him! You keep calling him divorced. Not when you were with him. Once ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Thanks, DancingFool!!!!! I deleted all but 2 pics. I kept the 2 most recent pics. I will work on updating pics soon, hopefully this weekend. Thanks! Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:26pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0