Any success after a "POOF"? Strategy?


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HopelessRomeo is offline HopelessRomeo Post #1  December 27,2009, 5:50pm
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I am curious if anyone has had any luck after a few great dates and your prospect poofs on you. Has anyone ever had a "Poofer" return?

If you did how long did the communication stop. What caused the "Poofer" to return? How long where they poofed before the return? Lastly, after the return how long has it lasted?

So many people looking for answers or strategies to combat the "Poofers" so maybe if we see some success stories we can figure out the keys to stoping poofs or recovering a "Poofer". LOL POOF.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  December 27,2009, 6:26pm
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Why would you want a rude and inconsiderate poofer to return?
Last edited by tweet37; December 27,2009 at 6:26pm. Reason: My strategy -- NEXT !
 
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bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #3  December 27,2009, 9:01pm
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^ I second that. I've had a couple poofers return in my time, but I've succeeded in chasing them off. A good tongue-lashing about their inconsiderate behavior seems to work beautifully.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  December 27,2009, 9:03pm
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life happens... if someone I found really interesting disappeared for a little bit, I have sent a "nudge" mail just to see if there is still interest. If the nudge is returned, I would be open to seeing him again. If the nudge is not returned in a reasonable amount of time, goodbye.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #5  December 27,2009, 9:10pm
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Since you are talking about male poofer, I'd say don't bother. The typical male brain just doesn't operate like that. They rather start fresh with a new girl and do the whole Prince Charming song&dance than fix things.

Men are guided by their animal instincts, and most don't change their minds. Even if they come back to test things out, it won't work out.

* * *

Women on the other hand are more easily persuaded, so if women aren't into you initially, men can still do things to win them over.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  December 27,2009, 9:20pm
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I had a really great, highly compatible, high quality (or so I thought) guy poof on me after a couple months of great dating. He went on a weekend hunting trip with his buddies and never contacted me again.

I left a phone message when he was due back telling him I was looking forward to hearing about his trip. No answer. Sent an e-mail... no answer. A couple days later I left one more phone message expressing concern that he got back safely. No answer.

I waited 10 days and sent one more e-mail telling him how I thought he had a lot more integrity than to just disappear without a word, but apparently I was wrong. That illicited an apology and some wishy-washy "I'm confused" message from him. I told him he wasn't confused, that he just didn't want to see me again but didn't have the bal.ls to tell me so.

Some people have no idea how hurtful it is to "poof" on someone. I have vowed to myself never to do that to someone else, no matter how awkward it feels to tell them you don't want to see them again. Everyone deserves that kind of closure.

To the OP's question... why do you want to get back with someone who's poofed on you? Actions speak louder than words, and their actions show they're not interested.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #7  December 27,2009, 9:22pm
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dietpepsi wrote :
...Women on the other hand are more easily persuaded, so if women aren't into you initially, men can still do things to win them over.
Not me! Once a guy poofs, he's gone for good. Taking him back after that would only set the stage for letting him know it's okay to treat me badly... and I'll have no part of that.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  December 27,2009, 9:25pm
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HopelessRomeo wrote :
....
So many people looking for answers or strategies to combat the "Poofers" so maybe if we see some success stories we can figure out the keys to stoping poofs or recovering a "Poofer". LOL POOF.
Pretty much any strategy you can come up with would be interpreted as stalking by the poofer. I don't recommend it. Better to move on.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  December 27,2009, 10:11pm
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I don't know if this is considered the poofer coming back, but I had a guy stand me up for a planned NYE date because he was hungover. I was sure to not answer my phone and ignore him after that. I considered it a respect thing.

Well, he tried a number of times after that (months later) to contact me. It was about every 3 or 4 months for the next couple of years.

So, I considered him poofed on his own terms. His calling for stupid things after that (really stupid) and without an appology was just weird.

Is that considered the poofer coming back? Or was it the poofee came back? Or was I just poofed on?
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  December 27,2009, 10:28pm
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If someone tells you they're having problems and need to concentrate on them before anything else that's one thing, if they just vanish and then come back expecting you to ignore the fact that they'd dropped you like a hot potato that's something else altogether.
 
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