Meet the family on the second date?


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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #1  December 27,2009, 4:20pm
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Ok, so there's this guy I met on another site that I'm just getting to know. Our first phone conversation lasted 6 hours, and then we had a couple more 2-3 hour phone conversations before we met. That went well. He seems to really like me. I like him too - he's a great guy with lots of fabulous qualities, but I'm a little unsure of long-term potential because we are quite different in some ways. I do know that in many ways he could be very good for me, but I'm just not sure if some of those differences would get in the way. So basically I feel I need to spend more time with him to figure that out.

I just got an email from him inviting me to dinner on New Year's Eve - along with his mom, his brother, and his brother's wife. The reason for the 'family' dinner is partly that his mom is in town for the holidays (she lives in a different province). So it's more that if he and I do dinner on that night, there are family plans raher than a specific 'meet the family' thing. After the dinner, she will be heading to his brother's place for a few days, so he and I can spend some time together after that.

Did I mention he and I had only met the one time? We probably would have seen each other at least once or twice more if it weren't for the holidays and my being away.... but.... still...

I think my reservations are partly that we've spent so little time together, and partly because I do see some differences between us which make me wonder about long-term potential.

I guess my options are:
1) say yes to dinner
2) pass on dinner but suggest he and I spend time together afterwards
3) suggest he and I get together at least once more before then, and defer a decision until I've spent more time with him
4) go and say no to any plans that night.

Place your votes

And.... what would YOU do if your date suggested a family dinner after meeting only once?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  December 27,2009, 4:30pm

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I'd say #3 is good.

OR you ask first if his mom is a good cook or not, then you pick door #1...and dump him afterwards. At the very least you'd have a nice dinner on NYE!

Then you come home....enjoy a bottle of port for a nightcap
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #3  December 27,2009, 4:37pm
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I think it's perfectly okay! LSS met my parents on our first date when he came to pick me up for the date. We arranged to meet at parents' place because my parents happened to live about half way between me and LSS . . . three hours travel time for LSS and two hours for me. It worked out very well!

So I vote "yes" to meet the parents. Good luck to you!
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  December 27,2009, 4:39pm
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I say a mix of 2 and 3. I wouldn't be comfortable with meeting someone's family that quickly unless it was happenstance. Maybe say you would be more comfortable seeing him after he has time to visit with his family but seeing him before NYE might change your mind.

Keep in mind, he may not think this is a big deal. Maybe he introduces everyone he dates to him mom and brother?
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #5  December 27,2009, 4:44pm
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I've had this happen to me...meeting the family on the second date...

I was a little weirded out by it at first...then I said to myself, "Meh, how bad could it get?" (trying to push out of my mind just how bad it could potentially get) and I went for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...but I wouldn't have gone if I hadn't felt fairly comfortable with the person, which I did.

I don't know if his family had been prompted on how he wanted them to act, but they made me feel very welcome and kept it all very casual and low-pressure - just a nice dinner. no big deal made about it.

I did like that we went out alone after dinner, though. I liked his family, but I think I'd let your date know that you'd like some time alone with him that night too, if you accept the family dinner invitation.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  December 27,2009, 4:45pm
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It's too soon for family... rushing relationships is almost always a mistake... I vote for #2 or meeting him for lunch on New Years day is even better.
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #7  December 27,2009, 4:46pm
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AsianFusion wrote :
I think it's perfectly okay! LSS met my parents on our first date when he came to pick me up for the date. We arranged to meet at parents' place because my parents happened to live about half way between me and LSS . . . three hours travel time for LSS and two hours for me. It worked out very well!

So I vote "yes" to meet the parents. Good luck to you!
Hmmm.... not sure I'm quite ready to be abducted by aliens

I'm guessing though that you and LSS had spent more time talking and getting to know each other before meeting, given the distance. Or am I wrong about that?
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #8  December 27,2009, 4:47pm
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PY_2 wrote :
I'd say #3 is good.

OR you ask first if his mom is a good cook or not, then you pick door #1...and dump him afterwards. At the very least you'd have a nice dinner on NYE!

Then you come home....enjoy a bottle of port for a nightcap
The dinner is actually at a local restaurant.

And he also makes chocolate orange port
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #9  December 27,2009, 4:49pm
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I would go for #2, after gently explaining that you would rather get to know him a little better before meeting his family. Then take the opportunity to ask to see him after the dinner so you can indeed get to know him better. Good luck!
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #10  December 27,2009, 4:53pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I say a mix of 2 and 3. I wouldn't be comfortable with meeting someone's family that quickly unless it was happenstance. Maybe say you would be more comfortable seeing him after he has time to visit with his family but seeing him before NYE might change your mind.

Keep in mind, he may not think this is a big deal. Maybe he introduces everyone he dates to him mom and brother?
Well, his mom has been at his place for a few days, NYE is kind of a meeting point, and then she goes and spends a few days with his brother.

I'm not quite sure whether this is a big deal to him or not. He does seem to like me a lot and is probably more gung ho about things with us than I am at this point. He doesn't introduce people to his mom ve often simply because she lives so far away, and I get the sense he doesn't hang out with his brother a whole lot. On the other hand, he is a very warm, open, and inclusive person, and I do get the sense that he would be introducing me to a lot of people very quickly just because he's that type of person. I think the family thing is largely a function of it being the holidays.
 
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