Does anyone have any advice?


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GEF2 is offline GEF2 Post #1  December 27,2009, 2:14pm
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I am on another dating site where you contact people or they contact you and you exchange emails to get to know each other. This guy contacted me and we have exchanged a couple of emails. The problem is that he has not once asked me any questions. He's just writing me information about himself. In the message header of both his emails, he put in compliments about me, but other than that, he only writes about himself. In both of the emails I have sent him, I am asking him questions to try to get the ball rolling (about his interests, job, etc) and he answers them, but makes no attempt to ask me anything. What gives? How should I approach this? And btw, he's not the first guy to do this. I think its very odd..
 
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bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #2  December 27,2009, 2:19pm
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Maybe he (and other such men) are focusing more on selling themselves since it is an online service. I had this happen a couple times, or the guys would go in the other direction and just give mono-syllabic answers to my questions. I usually gave up on these communications, because I figured such habits didn't bode well for a future relationship.
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #3  December 27,2009, 2:26pm
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Hmm. On one hand, there's always the chance he's socially awkward.

On the other hand, he might just be a narcissist.

At this point, you just don't know.

It only makes sense to ask questions when getting to know someone, but it seems that some people are more fixated on selling themselves as a worthy catch than they are in learning about the other person. You do have to wonder what basis he has for the compliments if he hasn't made much effort to learn about you.

If you're interested in him based on what he's telling you, give him a shot, but keep an eye out for narcissistic behavior. You might ask him if he has any questions about you, and see if he takes the bait. However, I'd keep this one on probation until he shows real interest. You want to be seen for you in a relationship, not as a reflection of what the guy wants to see in his date.

Hope that helps.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  December 27,2009, 2:26pm
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GEF2 wrote :
I am on another dating site where you contact people or they contact you and you exchange emails to get to know each other. This guy contacted me and we have exchanged a couple of emails. The problem is that he has not once asked me any questions. He's just writing me information about himself. In the message header of both his emails, he put in compliments about me, but other than that, he only writes about himself. In both of the emails I have sent him, I am asking him questions to try to get the ball rolling (about his interests, job, etc) and he answers them, but makes no attempt to ask me anything. What gives? How should I approach this? And btw, he's not the first guy to do this. I think its very odd..
eHarmony screens people for you so you don't have to. So what service is this place providing you? Places like Match.com don't really do anything for their money that you couldn't find in a bar.
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; December 27,2009 at 2:35pm.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  December 27,2009, 2:47pm
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some people are just awkward. if you're at least interested in him based on what he is saying, then it's worth hanging in there to see if there is anything worth pursuing.

Has he asked to meet you? Or, satisfied with email exchanges?

if I were you'd I'd just start volunteering information about myself. I also like to do comparison lists. Things that I enjoy doing compared to what he enjoys, foods I like, places I have traveled or want to travel. This equalizes the level of interest and helps you get to know one another, especially if he doen's know how to approach it.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  December 27,2009, 2:48pm
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
eHarmony screens people for you so you don't have to. So what service is this place providing you? Places like Match.com don't really do anything for their money that you couldn't find in a bar.
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I disagree. Match.com's profiles provide a lot more basic info about your match than the fuzzy touchy-feely profile questions in eHarmony (you really going to want to pursue a match based on the 3 things they're most thankful for... a question virtually everyone answers the same?). And with eHarmony's 'flexible matches' (which is about all I get), they're basically feeding me the profiles of everyone in my age range that they have in their database... I don't see any screening going on at all.

I'd rather know more about a match through match.com and do my own screening based on those known factors than let Dr. Clark and his team supposedly screen them for me.

The only "service" either site provides is the opportunity for meeting someone. In my experience, eHarmony is worse at this than other sites.

To respond to the OP, have you tried asking him to ask you what he'd like to know about you? I've found a lot of guys are not good at email communications and many are actually socially awkward, though they may be good guys... gems in the rough. If you're really interested, try to coax a little more out of him. If it's too much effort, move on to someone else.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #7  December 27,2009, 2:57pm
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Well since he isn't asking you anything, aside from asking him some questions you can start telling him a little bit about yourself. That's what I'd do and then you can end it with a question for him. For instance..."I have a male cat that I just adore....do you have any pets or do you like pets?" Online dating is awkward. There is no way around it. We aren't still in high school to get to observe the person we want to possibly date...so we are stuck with these sites until we think of something better.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  December 27,2009, 3:19pm
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Here is another possibility:

He may be playing it safe by not asking questions, because in his online dating experience, he may have encountered the woman who thinks he was creepy by simply asking about her job.

Just look at these boards. For some, answering questions about their work is very personal and deep. For others, it is in a standard first set.

There are also other women who get annoyed when guys ask questions that can be answered by reading the profile. If you have a very thorough profile, he may simply not have any questions.

On a personal note: if the choice of perception is either being a creep or being a narcissist, I would take being a narcissist.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  December 27,2009, 3:26pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
...If you have a very thorough profile, he may simply not have any questions....
I've seen this line of thinking before, and I just don't buy it. No one can know everything there is to know about another person from their profile.

A very detailed profile should open up the opportunity for even more... and better... questions than a sparsely filled out one.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #10  December 27,2009, 3:35pm
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Good communication requires at least some reciprocity. Since communication is important to me, I tend not to spend too much time on someone who has problems maintaining a basic conversation, as we would not be a good match.

That said, I do tend to make some allowance for the medium, because I know that not everyone is comfortable writing or because they might be new to online dating. But there needs to be at least some degree or reciprocity - or it does not bode well for a relationship.

I had a pretty extreme case of this fairly recently. I contacted a guy to let him know I liked his profile, and suggested he have a look at mine and let me know if he wanted to communicate further. His response was "Yes I really like your profile and would like to talk more." No info about himself, no questions for me. I sent a follow-up email asking him about three very open-ended questions about himself. He answered each with a short sentence, and did not ask me anything in return. It feels too much like pulling teeth.
 
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