Early Passion obvious killer or different strokes?


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HopelessRomeo is offline HopelessRomeo Post #1  December 26,2009, 5:32pm
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Beware! wall of text ahead. Those with short attention spans should avoid at all cost hah! I would not read it lol.

Hi all my first post,

41 back in the dating world again. I am a bit behind the times as I was married most of the last 17 years, and I had a bout with PTSD, were I pretty much withdrew socially since the gulf war.

I am recovered however, and happy but single. I am lost to the dating world I find myself in. Mainly I think because of being unsocial for the last 17 years.

I found so far, that if I am interested, and act passionately on those feelings that I get the brush off. On the other side if my interest is weak in someone, and I act slowly, or barely try to show any interest they tend to hang around or remain available to me.

My natural state is to be honest, and I enjoy love at first sight however...it obviously is not working for me to be Romantic. I will admit my love circuits are a bit whacked since they have been off for a long time lol. I fell instantly for this one lady recently. Made some mistakes. It felt like the first time I fell in love all over again. Now I have dated so something with this particular lady was different for me.

Sadly, I am not exactly the most attractive fellow, yet I do ok. Guess my smile has a bit of magic in it. 100% of the time if I get someone to look past my photos or meet them out of online dating, they find me attractive enough in person to continue dating after we meet.

This lady and I met for a 2 hour lunch and we got lost in each other. Was amazing. I met her again two days later and we had a very intimate night without the sex. another day passes and we spend another intimate day together both in touching, kissing and communicating again she had asked me to be a gentleman so I did.

We called, text-ed, emailed and talked, touched, caressed and kissed, even hinted at some possible future scenarios together (Her more than I) all in her bed watching TV. I wrote her a romantic email after our second date and she said it really touched her and that my writing was extraordinary, or something like that.

Fast forward past 3rd date, and she grows cold. Hardly returns text, did not answer phone etc...I had after the 3rd date wrote another romantic email. She had liked the first so I figured what the heck.

Ok in my limited capacity social skill with the feelings I had, I panicked and eventually got her to call me back now a week after our first meeting.

She basically said she called so I would not worry, that it has nothing to do with me, she has some things to work out and is not ready for a serious relationship.

Now I did suspect she had some lingering pains from a previous relationship with a cheating player millionaire who had whisked her away over the summer to Europe only to come home later and find him with prostitutes and other women.

Maybe her heart is still broke, or maybe I had moved to fast though none of my emails said anything about love. Mostly just discribing in detail how I enjoyed her kisses etc...

I read her and other sites that I should go slower so I stopped attempting to communicate. Not a day went by and she contacted me on face book just asking what I was doing. I told her then decided it was best to cut it short. Told her I had some last minuet Xmas shopping to do. She emailed me the next day as she traveled out of the area to visit her mom for the holidays.

On Christmas being alone and lonely, always worse on holidays I guess. I broke down and sent her another romantic though short email
Have not heard from her since.

I have already lined up some dates to get me past this however, she did intrigue me so... should I just let it go? Think she will call?

Has any of you ladies done this to men you liked but just were not ready for or am I just denying that I got dumped even though we had a great weekend together. Was so many mixed signals my head is dizzy.

If you read this I thank you. I would have gone to sleep.

HopelessRomeo
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #2  December 29,2009, 6:17pm
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Always go slow and let things build up slowly... that is what I recommend. Take a long time (weeks/months) to get to know someone and then nobody feels weird when the relationship gets more physical. Don't lose yourself and your life and all your interests and make this woman your whole world when you don't even know her... that is not reassuring to her; it scares her.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  December 29,2009, 7:08pm
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I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't think how fast you moved into showing affection had anything to do with it. There are just people out there who think they are ready for relationships, who just aren't. If she liked you that much early on, and you didn't change anything, it's more her than you. There are lots of fish out there... just keep swimming, just keep swimming... a keeper will come along soon enough!

The worst thing you could rush is being with someone just to not be lonely. Take your time, but don't be afraid to hold the keeper close when you find her!
 
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djmAgain is offline djmAgain Post #4  December 29,2009, 7:49pm
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I'm new to dating too. I ended a long-term marriage that was miserable for almost half of it. I haven't had a date yet but am "thinking" about it more.

I wonder if the woman you were dating just got scared. After being in a relationship that did not involve physical contact and intimacy for such a long time, I wonder how I would react to such "early passion." I think it would be easy to fall into it head over heels, but there may come a point when you realize it's just too quick and don't know how to turn it back.

Not sure if I am making any sense! Just thought I would try to share an opinion from a newbie.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  December 29,2009, 7:57pm

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Sorry, ADD, I skimmed. I fly in the face of most wisdom here but I am a bit like you. I am not a stalker, I just love life and love to feel. So eventually after going through a fair few guys that are like OMG she called me at 2:00 on a Sunday exactly 23 hours after her last call and there was a text the day before, oh yeah the book says she is needy and clingy dump her!

I found my guy. Now I am having a bit of trouble defining him since he asked me to marry him sans the ring but is finishing my basement starting in a couple weeks, I said yes...I digress.

He understands that I will call him when I want to speak to him, and I text him when I feel like it and none of this has anything to do with needy or clingy. If he doesn't answer I don't assume he is dumping me I figure like me he has a job...Neither of us has the book and if someone gave it to us we would burn it.

My point, yes I have one, is that you can settle and play the game or you can keep jumping in there and eventually you could find the perfect match. I am glad I did.
 
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richey is online now richey Post #6  December 30,2009, 1:16am
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HopelessRomeo wrote :
I found so far, that if I am interested, and act passionately on those feelings that I get the brush off. On the other side if my interest is weak in someone, and I act slowly, or barely try to show any interest they tend to hang around or remain available to me.
The answer was in your original post the entire time. Follow what you've learned and you've learned how to keep somebody around. If you are wondering why, it goes something like this:

Things that are too easily attained and available become things taken for granted and therefore not thought of. Something that is difficult or rare to attain is one that is cherished and thought of regularly.

Think of a banana split or any other treat you hardly ever have. that first bite into a treat like that after not having had it for a long time is HEAVENLY! And you get strrong cravings for it (the longer the wait, the stronger the cravings). Now imagine if you were, as a child, fed 3 banana splits a day. You probably wouldn't be craving or finding a banana split all that special later in life.

Good luck. Oh yeah, no need to email her from multiuple sites ~ one does the trick. So make sure you're not smothering either.

Richey
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  December 30,2009, 5:31am
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We all have our different individual preferences when it comes to relationships, communication, affection, the speed at which things move, etc. The trickiest part of it all is to meet that one person where you are both mostly (emphasis on mostly rather than exactly) on the same page on those things.

Generally speaking, a little self control early on goes a long way when it comes to dating. This is different from playing games. Also, regarding the romantic stuff.....look at it this way - a little sugar is nice and makes the dish sweeter, however too much sugar will make you ill pretty fast. Keep that in mind, rather than taking the she like the first spoonful so let me pile it on some more approach. In other words don't give her a stomach ache.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  December 30,2009, 6:24am
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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I'm going to speak to your title, rather than your OP, for reasons of brevity.

I've been married twice. The first time, I married two weeks from our first date. The early passion there lasted 18 years, ended in a friendly divorce.

Early 40s, starting to date, I had Love at First Sight happen for me. I knew he would become my first lover after my divorce, and I almost held my breath, waiting with anticipation!

What I didn't know then, was that I had met my second husband. That early passion lasted 15 years until he died.

So, for me, early passion.....different strokes.

Whatever is going on between you and she.....I don't think it has anything to do with early passion.

j8a
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  December 30,2009, 7:45am

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j0hn8andy wrote :
Whatever is going on between you and she.....I don't think it has anything to do with early passion.

j8a
I wonder if she wasn't set straight by the calendar people. Ya know those wonderful people that tell you don't do this or that until this or that and don't seem to have any allowance for difference of personality. I keep getting earfulls from those in my office. They speak all doom and gloom if you don't abide by the rules. I am sure they effect some people.
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #10  December 30,2009, 8:06am
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Early passion is great if both parties are on the same page. Otherwise, one of them would be referred to as "desperate" or "clingy" . . . or even "psycho". My .02 cents.
Last edited by AsianFusion; December 30,2009 at 8:45am.
 
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