getting nervous about first meeting

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SusanP Post #1 December 26,2009, 5:21pm

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Hi everyone! I started on eHarmony about a month ago - and now have my first match who wants to both talk and meet. I didn't realize how nervous I would get. Does anyone else experience this? I have current photos posted, however I know I am a bit self conscious about my looks.....

I guess I was just looking to hear others opinions/emotions about taking this step.

Thank you all for your thoughtful insights...
Susan

chawks64 Post #2 December 26,2009, 5:43pm

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SusanP wrote :

Ah! You're normal!

Yeah, most of us get nervous to varying degrees. And a lot of us worry about whether they'll think we're attractive in person or not. It's nervewracking to meet a complete stranger and wonder what they're thinking.

For first meetings/dates, always meet somewhere in public. Maybe it sounds paranoid, but the others on this board will agree, it's just the smart thing to do. And don't leave your drink unattended. Again, most guys are great, but there's always that 1%.

As far as making the date go well, the only I advice I have, other than to try to relax, is to just be your best self. Don't try to be what you think he'd like, be you.

And if it doesn't work out, then (as my dad used to say) you were looking when you found that one.

yoga_gal Post #3 December 26,2009, 6:07pm

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SusanP wrote :

Hi, Susan. I think everyone gets a bit nervous especially when starting the whole online thing and everyone wants to look their best. Just treat the guy like anyone you would meet in real life. Eye contact and smiling are two of the biggest things to remember. From your profile pic it looks like you have a great smile so you are half-way there!

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!

Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4 December 26,2009, 6:48pm

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Congratulations on your success in getting to the meeting stage after only being on eHarmony for a month.

Being a bit nervous meeting for the first time is both normal and probably a good thing. I am certain that your match is also a bit nervous about the meeting also. Make sure to take all the recommended safety precautions and go with the expectation of having a fun time not that this is going to be "the one".

FYI I don't get nervous at the first meeting.

VB_Girl Post #5 December 26,2009, 6:54pm

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SusanP wrote :

Hi Susan! I think it's great that you made it so far so fast, many people would be jealous.

No matter how often I meet people for the first time, I still get nervous and worry that I won't recognize them or vice versa. The good news is that's never happened!

I would keep your first conversation relatively short if you can and maybe have some notes handy about things he's talked about in OC or in his profile so there are no awkward silences. Definitely don't take the list to the first meet!

Good luck and follow-up with us.

RoxyRedhead Post #6 December 26,2009, 7:09pm

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congratulations! It's about having fun, so try to keep this in mind.

Being a bit nervous, especially when just starting to date again, is pretty normal. Just try and relax, though and be yourself. You were matched for a reason (and some of us wonder how those matches ever come about). In any case, have a few topics of conversation that you're familiar with to discuss (but not obsess) on.

In emails or on the phone, hopefully you and your match have covered some ground-but don't be afraid of going over it again. And ask questions about the guy, his job, his car, his interest in books or hobbies or sports.

People like to talk about themselves-it's usually their favorite subject.

For a first meet, these are the things I prefer to do (and I've been dating for a couple of years now).
-I meet at a coffee shop-Starbucks is perfect for this-during the day. I'd rather not drink or be in a noisy bar when first meeting a new guy. It's difficult to get to know each other.
-don't be late-actually I arrive a bit early so I have my coffee (or tea) already sitting in front of me, and have established a comfortable place for myself, gotten the coat off etc.
-I set a time limit, usually not more than 2 hours-ahead of time. That way if the meet is a failure for me, but he wants to go to dinner or something I've already established a need to leave.
-If I do think things are going well and want to spend more time, it's easy to 'cancel' my plans.
-and finally if I want to see him again, I make that clear, by saying so! Remember, guys can't read your mind, so if you want to have a second date encourage him or even ask him out yourself. Most men don't find a confident woman off putting (and if one did-would you want him anyhow?)

And again-have fun!

hogrally Post #7 December 26,2009, 7:12pm

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[quote=yoga_gal;835104]Hi, Susan. I think everyone gets a bit nervous especially when starting the whole online thing and everyone wants to look their best. Just treat the guy like anyone you would meet in real life. Eye contact and smiling are two of the biggest things to remember. From your profile pic it looks like you have a great smile so you are half-way there!

Dang....I downed 4 Vodka and OJ's on the flight and when I saw him I slapped his butt . Maybe I gotta try this look and don't touch thing. Atleast during the first 5 minutes. On second thought....naawwwww the butt slap is more fun.

SierraMountainAir Post #8 December 26,2009, 7:20pm

The Doctor just called. Your test results are in.

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fjp5 Post #9 December 26,2009, 7:56pm

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It sounds cliche' but it does get easier each time... there really isn't any magic answer to get ready for a first date, everyone is different. For me, if I am meeting a first date at a place I have never been to before, I like to get there at least 15 minute early. It gives me the chance to get familer with the place, surroundings etc... besides that, take it for what it is, a chance to meet a new person and not put high expectations into it. Try to have a few "stand by" topics to bring up when the awkward silence happens, maybe a few current event things. Besides that just remember he is just as nervous as you are.

richey Post #10 December 26,2009, 8:09pm

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Susan,

Definitely normal - so no worries there. I, for a long time, never got nervous about dates. Then I had my first EH date and it shocked me - I was nervous!!!

Best wishes on the first date and I hope you have a lot of fun on it!

Richey

« poll: Talk about past relationship on the first date? | Dating | Nice Guys Finish Last? »

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