About to lose my marbles, sorta


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Shmolga is offline Shmolga Post #1  December 25,2009, 9:25am
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is 9.5, two more years and I'll be 10

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I have been away from the boards for the last couple of months and finding myself needing your feedback more then ever.

In a couple of days I'm flying out to spend New Year's with my eH match. We have been in a regular contact for the last 5 months and it is a long distance thingy. When we were matched I didn't think he will even reply to my request to communicate, and for some reason I thought he would close me. But he didn't. We had some hick ups in early stage, some silly miscommunications and long waits between replies (3-5 weeks at a time due to his work in extreme conditions). I was patient, very patient.

Long story short, we are finally going to meet each other....and I'm about to lose my marbles. My mind is going in circles " what if he will not like me in person, what if I will not like him in person, what if there will be no chemistry, what if, what if....". I'm what-if-ing myself to death and simply unable to relax.

We did talk about our jitters and he has them too. But what can I do to get my jitters under control? Do you guys have any tricks up your sleeves to help ease the jitters
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #2  December 25,2009, 10:00am
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Drink a LOT during the plane flight.

I recommend Pomegranate Martinis.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  December 25,2009, 10:01am
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Shmolga wrote :
My mind is going in circles " what if he will not like me in person, what if I will not like him in person, what if there will be no chemistry, what if, what if....". I'm what-if-ing myself to death and simply unable to relax.

Any time you first meet in person, you face this risk.

Finding no attraction or an unforeseen heretofor undiscovered deal-breaker is just the risk one takes with online dating. Obviously this risk is more expensive the further you travel.

I suggest, most important, as always, not to be solely paying the cost of this meeting (or, more precisely, all of a costly travel expense against he paying for dinner.) That situation leads to sharp differences in motivation to "make something work."

Have you sent and received clear, accurate photos reflecting your current appearance? Do you think you're comparable in appearance, and within each other's tastes?

Can you treat the trip as justified as a vacation, even if you do not find from it a mate? This helps avoid disapointment.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  December 25,2009, 10:09am
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You are experiencing all the normal feelings of a first date. They are somewhat enhanced because this is a LDR. D_Lion may have the best solution in viewing this as a vacation. If you find a good match / mate out of the trip great, if you find that there really is not any chemistry then you at least had a fun time.

A LDR is extremely difficult to make work out. I wish you all the best of luck and calm feelings.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  December 25,2009, 10:12am
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Additionally, will you have time and funds to travel in the future at a rate sufficient to maintain a relationship? Does he? Have you spoken about what his expectations are in that regard?

Do you have a plan for relocating? Have you spoken with him about this? I suspect some people will disagree, but I think general matters related to relocation ought to be checked before investing in the meeting.
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #6  December 25,2009, 10:23am
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When I had a LDR, we had a common ground rule from the beginning. If either one wanted the other to go home, all they had to do was say so. This was started when I needed a vacation and flew out to meet her. (the relationship grew from our friendship)

We split costs, even though I was earning a ton of cash and she was getting by on her PhD subsidy.

Take this as a vacation. If you are repulsed to the point of instant projectile vomit, have fun on your own anyway!
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #7  December 25,2009, 10:44am
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I'll second all this advice.

A "vacation" is what my long-distance match and I are doing when we get together in late January, by which time we'll have been communicating for about 5 months.

Good luck!
 
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Shmolga is offline Shmolga Post #8  December 25,2009, 11:33am
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D_Lion wrote :
Any time you first meet in person, you face this risk.

Finding no attraction or an unforeseen heretofor undiscovered deal-breaker is just the risk one takes with online dating. Obviously this risk is more expensive the further you travel.

I suggest, most important, as always, not to be solely paying the cost of this meeting (or, more precisely, all of a costly travel expense against he paying for dinner.) That situation leads to sharp differences in motivation to "make something work."

Have you sent and received clear, accurate photos reflecting your current appearance? Do you think you're comparable in appearance, and within each other's tastes?

Can you treat the trip as justified as a vacation, even if you do not find from it a mate? This helps avoid disapointment.
You, as always, have good points regarding shared cost and a mindset. Even though I'm paying for the tickets, he'll paying for lodging and I want to split the dining and entertainment expenses to be fare. And I'm treating this as a well deserved and much needed vacation regardless of the outcome.

We exchanged numerous photos including very recent and both of us feel visually attracted to the way we both look. But of course photos are limited in portrayal of appearance and only the face to face will give us the answers regarding the physical attraction and chemistry. And that is what gives me a lot of jitters. We have a reverse age difference, I'm couple of years older than him. When the topic came up, he brushed it off and laughed that I was silly worrying about things that are not important. And yet, it is on the back of my mind.
 
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Shmolga is offline Shmolga Post #9  December 25,2009, 11:57am
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is 9.5, two more years and I'll be 10

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D_Lion wrote :
Additionally, will you have time and funds to travel in the future at a rate sufficient to maintain a relationship? Does he? Have you spoken about what his expectations are in that regard?

Do you have a plan for relocating? Have you spoken with him about this? I suspect some people will disagree, but I think general matters related to relocation ought to be checked before investing in the meeting.
My relocation is out of the question and it was one of my first questions asked in guided communication. He is willing to relocate and with his line of work should not have difficulty finding a job.

Both of us in the position where we cannot do a lot of traveling and some serious decisions will have to be made which scares the daylights out of me.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #10  December 25,2009, 1:05pm
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Have you tried to communicate via Skype, or some other "video phone" sort of arrangement? I highly recommend it. It gives you the opportunity to see (and present) mannerisms, facial expressions, and other visual cues. It might help calm some of both your jitters. And it's great fun!
 
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