Dating Multiple Men at the Same Time


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cindymidnight is offline cindymidnight Post #1  December 24,2009, 3:14am
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I'm a baby boomer female and have been single for a long time. I've had a few long term relationships and now feel I need a break from "exclusive" dating. However, I have a problem dating more than one man at a time without feeling I'm "lying" to the others. And often when I meet someone they want to be "the one". Right now, I would like my relationships to be more casual and informal but I don't know how to handle the sex part of it. I've always been a one-man woman regarding sex. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Would men prefer to be told that I feel this way, or do I keep each relationship/friendship separate and private? Are there baby boomer men out there who wouldn't mind this type of relationship? How do I graciously let a man know early on that this is what I want right now. I'm ok living alone, but I do like to have someone in my life. Until I "fall in love again", is it inconsiderate to feel this way?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 24,2009, 5:19pm
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Are you asking about having sex without being in an exclusive relationship?

In my view, having more than one sex partner, or being a partner to someone with more than one, is a significant increase of risk without concomitant reward, and is consequently ill-advised.

If you want an exclusive realtionship with sex, but not intended or expected to result in marriage, that ought not to be too hard to find. This, I think is okay.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  December 24,2009, 5:34pm
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I'm not sure about the "sex" thing when you are not looking to pursue a more permanent relationship... to each his/her own. It's going to be a matter of preference and what you feel comfortable with.

For me though, I do date multiple men at one time. I am in my mid 30's and I date guys typically from low to upper 40's. I have never had an issue with them expecting me to date them exclusively before having "the talk." Also, I have never had a problem with them expecting a level of intimacy outside of what I am able to give either. Sex is a no-go for me. I personally feel it's something for a deep committed relationship, and not trying to base the relationship on sex. And, again, this has never been an issue.

I'm sure other guys might have a different POV, but from my experience, there are guys out there who would be interested in getting to know you without sex, and with no issue of you dating other people... then again, that is in pursuit of a ltr... so we might be in totally different boats!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #4  December 24,2009, 5:41pm

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It's called Friends with Benefits and yes, there are older men who are interested in not having a permanent committed relationship but who enjoy sex.

It's important to practice safe protected sex and to make sure you and your partner to be are tested for STD's prior to having sex.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #5  December 24,2009, 7:20pm
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You can do whatever you want...

... but after I learned that my ex cheated on me (with god knows how many) and I had to rush into my PCP to check for STDs, I swore that I wouldn't have sex again until I was sure sure sure.

Weigh the pros and cons, and you'll have your answer.
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #6  December 24,2009, 8:16pm
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
It's called Friends with Benefits and yes, there are older men who are interested in not having a permanent committed relationship but who enjoy sex.

It's important to practice safe protected sex and to make sure you and your partner to be are tested for STD's prior to having sex.
There are men of every age willing to engage in fwb.

Just as many women willing to, though they don't want to express this directly.

Agree with the std thingy. Lots of stuff to catch, besides a good woman.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #7  December 24,2009, 8:18pm
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I fail to your problem.

Firstly, regarding sexual health, an element of openness is best. Equally, folk should be assuming they are "not exclusive" unless that is specified (not the other way around).
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Last edited by Fleuellen; December 24,2009 at 8:21pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  December 25,2009, 10:15am
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Everyone else has given good advice.

You are not the kind of baby boomer woman I am looking for but whatever floats your boat.
 
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richey is online now richey Post #9  December 26,2009, 8:18pm
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I would be honest fairly early on, but only after you've gone out a few times and it's obvious that something is starting to develop.

In the MEAN TIME until you get to that point, make sure you aren't giving any signals or making comments or conducting yourself in a way that suggest you want something more than what you said.

As a guy, I will speak for myself. I appreciate when a woman is honest with me and tells me the deal when it's obvious to both of us we wish to continue seeing each other.

Richey
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #10  December 26,2009, 11:18pm
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cindymidnight wrote :
I'm a baby boomer female and have been single for a long time. I've had a few long term relationships and now feel I need a break from "exclusive" dating. However, I have a problem dating more than one man at a time without feeling I'm "lying" to the others. And often when I meet someone they want to be "the one". Right now, I would like my relationships to be more casual and informal but I don't know how to handle the sex part of it. I've always been a one-man woman regarding sex. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Would men prefer to be told that I feel this way, or do I keep each relationship/friendship separate and private? Are there baby boomer men out there who wouldn't mind this type of relationship? How do I graciously let a man know early on that this is what I want right now. I'm ok living alone, but I do like to have someone in my life. Until I "fall in love again", is it inconsiderate to feel this way?
Yes, it would be a good idea to share this information early on. The ones that have a problem with it, weed themselves out quickly. It works both ways too. Expect each of your boyfriends to be engaging in other simultaneous relationships. Your last sentence though...
If you tell someone from the start that you want things to be "casual", don't be surprised if this person doesn't mutually fall in love with you because he's pursuing others. No, your feeling are not inconsiderate.
 
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