kneo24 is offline kneo24 Post #1  December 23,2009, 6:14pm
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I was dating a woman for about a month. We clicked really well and what we both wanted out of life seemed to mesh really well.

On our first date she had wanted to talk about my views on religion. Why I wasn't religious, why I didn't believe in god, etc... She was born and raised catholic, but deviates it from quite a bit. She's more of a ala cart person when it comes to religion. A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

Our conversation about the topic was pleasant. I worded how I felt on this topic very carefully as I know a lot of people can be very touchy on this subject. Like I said, the conversation went very smoothly. Or so I thought.

At our last date we went out for Sushi. I brought a bottle of wine (she really likes wine and sushi). She didn't have a favorite, only that she wanted a sweet red. Navigating the wine section in the liquor stores in PA is no easy task. The Reds and Whites and all of the various forms of each seem to be carelessly tossed together. I managed to find a bottle that looked to suit her tastes.

Dinner went well. She enjoyed the wine. We went back to her place after dinner and decided to drink more wine and watch a movie. I was hoping to get a little intimate with her here. You know, some cuddling, some kissing, some heavy petting. As we're sitting on the couch, she has her body leaning away from me.

Body language speaks volumes. I'm not always good at reading it, but this told me a lot. If she was into me, she would have at least left herself open so I could have made some sort of move.

The next day I call her and thank her for a nice and relaxing evening and try to queue up another date with her. She tells me either Thursday or Friday, depending on how her "schedule" turns out. Her plans fall through for those days, and instead of going out with me on either of those days, she claims to have been out shopping with her sister. Seems likely given the time of year. Still, as boring as shopping is for a guy, I would have still liked to spend the time with her.

On Saturday I try to make plans on New Years Eve with her. She again uses her sister as a scapegoat. She's a triplet, so I understand the strong bond there.

However it occurs to me. Why doesn't she invite me? I have given her multiple openings. I'm a bit frustrated here and I blurt out, "you aren't that into me, are you?" She claims that I'm fun to be around, but she doesn't know if we're a good fit. Being confused about this I ask her what specifically is turning her off. I really like this woman. Things have been going great up until the last date we had, which really wasn't bad. We have a lot of fun together and we have great conversations with each other. There's also that spark of physical attraction. It's clearly mutual. I want to know what I can do to fix things. If it's something I'm doing or saying, or not doing or not saying, I want to know.

Her response is, "I can't understand how you don't believe in God, but that's my problem, not yours.", and that's the last I've heard from her.

That response totally blew me away. I just don't know what to do here. One on hand it seems like a cop out for what her real reason is, but on the other hand her parents are very religious and they may not approve of her dating some "godless heathen".

The last actual long-term relationship I had with a woman, she was a Sunday school teacher. Things between us were great for a long time between us. Religion was not why we broke up.

But here I am, being rejected because I don't believe in God? I really like this woman and this just confuses me. She really never said or implied that her religious beliefs were a huge part of her life. For most religious people, it's not in that context. They go to church on Sundays and that's it. Big deal. Besides, we talked about this when we first started dating! If it was an issue then, why wait so long?

If I'm really being rejected on that basis, I think it's an incredibly antiquated notion in this day and age. Whatever happened to accepting people for who they were?

I want to call her and work this out, but I have a feeling it's probably not worth the time.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #2  December 23,2009, 6:31pm
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No, it's probably not worth your time. She's decided you're "unequally yoked" and it is an issue for her.

Why didn't she say it was an issue when you first started dating? I'm going to guess she had never come across someone who does not believe in G-d, and once she spent some time thinking about it she decided she had a problem with it.

Doesn't matter what you think of her reason for rejecting you. It is what it is.

By the way, next time you have trouble picking out a wine, ask the manager. At any good wine or liquor store (or spirits dept of a grocery store), they LIVE for that kind of question! They will steer you to something appropriate in the price range you have in mind.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #3  December 23,2009, 6:33pm
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kneo24 wrote :
At our last date we went out for Sushi. I brought a bottle of wine (she really likes wine and sushi). She didn't have a favorite, only that she wanted a sweet red. Navigating the wine section in the liquor stores in PA is no easy task. The Reds and Whites and all of the various forms of each seem to be carelessly tossed together. I managed to find a bottle that looked to suit her tastes.

True story, (from this year, as reported in the SF Chronicle's "social scene" section),

Overheard in the wine section, San Francisco, at Trader Joe's: (man calling out to woman) :

I don't know what it's called, honey, but it starts with "Chateau"


bua hahahahahahaha



kneo24 wrote :
I want to call her and work this out, but I have a feeling it's probably not worth the time.
Hate to have to tell you this, bro, but you already got "Friend-Zoned", she proved it when she leaned away from you on the couch.


It's already over, done, move along.


NEXT !!!!!
 
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Feral_Mustang is offline Feral_Mustang Post #4  December 23,2009, 7:07pm
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She was probably using religion as an easy scapegoat excuse. Not to sound cliche, but she wasn't that into you. Trust me, we religious girls are inclined to expand our preset boundaries when a guy sweeps us off our feet.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #5  December 23,2009, 7:10pm
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As the others have said / implied: she is not going to change. She (her parents / church) has made up her mind. Absolutely no fighting it. I have nothing against anyone's beliefs, but someone who cannot (logically) consider anything but their belief to be very weak minded.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  December 23,2009, 7:11pm

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This is absolutely so heartbreaking to me.

That she waited UNTIL she had the wine and the nice sushi dinner before doing the dumping!

My condolences dude...for the date and for the nice wine!

Next!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  December 23,2009, 7:18pm
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olneyjeeps wrote :
I have nothing against anyone's beliefs,
OK...

wrote :
but someone who cannot (logically) consider anything but their belief to be very weak minded.
Well, that didn't last long, did it.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #8  December 23,2009, 7:22pm
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It's unfortunate...
Religion should be used to unite people, but that's not always the case. It seems that some of the most judgemental people out there are the religious.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  December 23,2009, 7:39pm

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melman wrote :
OK...



Well, that didn't last long, did it.
I recorded it at warp 2.7.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is online now TiffanyDiamond Post #10  December 23,2009, 8:13pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
It's unfortunate...
Religion should be used to unite people, but that's not always the case. It seems that some of the most judgemental people out there are the religious.
Let me first say that if she is using her religion as some sort of excuse not to see you again because she is really just no interested - well, what goes around, comes around.

Now I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute. If she really is as religious as she says I don't think it's fair to say that she is being judgemental. I am a Christian and we are taught that when chosing a partner we want someone who, while we may not practice the same religion that our basic beliefs are the same as in believing in a higher power. I know for sure that I would not get involved in an romantic relationship with someone who didn't believe in God because that doesn't make sense to me. Just like my believing in God may not make sense to someone who doesn't believe. That's my choice. It's not a judgement. People are free to believe however they choose and I don't put anyone down for that. I certainly wouldn't tell someone I wouldn't be their friend because they don't believe in God but I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with someone who didn't believe.
 
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