Losing Yourself In A Relationship?


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mujerdivina1590 is offline mujerdivina1590 Post #1  December 23,2009, 1:34pm
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They say love is blind, deaf and stupid. Often, a person can get into many abusive relationships this way. How does one avoid this?

ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERS PLEASE.
Last edited by mujerdivina1590; December 23,2009 at 5:17pm. Reason: Original post did not give me serious answers.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 23,2009, 1:51pm
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Part of fixing this problem is to move away from morally-strident language in reference to matters of personal preference or taste.

That your partner does not give you things, if he is not asking for things from you, is not cause to denigrate him. Personally I detest when a woman keeps nagging on me to buy her things - I never do that to women.

I would try simply cutting back or cutting off buying things for men; if he whines, then you know he was using you; if he is silent - or even prefers that - then you know it's just a matter of taste (and a sane response to employment insecurity and probable declines in asset values he has experienced.)

Personally, when I get a woman who values me according to what I buy her, I "un-get" her just as fast as I can.
Last edited by D_Lion; December 23,2009 at 1:57pm.
 
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mujerdivina1590 is offline mujerdivina1590 Post #3  December 23,2009, 2:06pm
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This answer was not relevant to my original question (or this repost). The example I gave was a bad one and led to miscommunication. I apologize.

The question is "how does one stop losing oneself in a relationship?" I appreciate all the constructive answers.
Last edited by mujerdivina1590; December 23,2009 at 5:21pm. Reason: Edited to match new post.
 
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qt_py is offline qt_py Post #4  December 23,2009, 2:08pm

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Your "last" ex ?? Just how many ex's do you have?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  December 23,2009, 2:24pm
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mujerdivina1590 wrote :
Post has been deleted. My apologies for asking for help.

Help, or validation?
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  December 23,2009, 2:39pm
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mujerdivina1590 wrote :
Post has been deleted.
Please don't let a couple of posts make you "un ask" for help. There are more people here than those few that replied to your post. I never had a chance to read your original post and would like to. I was curious about the situation or question you were posting about.

If you could, please repost your question and I am sure you will find some help (as crazy as it can be some times) that will open your eyes, make you have an ah ha! moment or even validate what you are doing at the present time.

Looking forward to reading about what you need help and advice on!
 
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mujerdivina1590 is offline mujerdivina1590 Post #7  December 23,2009, 5:22pm
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qt_py wrote :
Your "last" ex ?? Just how many ex's do you have?
This answer was neither helpful nor funny.

Please, I only want serious answers here.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #8  December 24,2009, 1:51am
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I'd like to think that anyone i've ever seen in an abusive relationship didn't intend to go there, that they ended up in that nasty place by accident. Unfortunately i can think of one or two people off the top of my head who seemed to seek out abuse because it offered them some weird kind of validation.

How can we avoid ending up in abusive relationships? Well the only sure fire way is to not have relationships at all, other than that we rely on our a**hole radar to steer us clear, provided we actually listen to it of course and don't turn it off because we're annoyed by the beep.

Can't really say much more than that because i have no idea what kind of person you are or what kind of relationships you've been in.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #9  December 24,2009, 3:02am
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You can't avoid it without avoiding getting involved with people.

That being said, you need to establish boundaries, clear ones. Watch for the people that step all over them. That's a good clue right there.

Also, listen to what they say but pay more attention to what they do. If the two are in direct conflict a majority of the time, run.

Those two little "rules" will help you to recognize better when there is something wrong with a situation for you. Do they always work? Eventually. Sometimes just takes longer to figure it out.

Good luck, and I hope that this helps in some way.

Lilycat
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #10  December 24,2009, 5:45am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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People who "lose themselves" in a relationship probably don't have a real firm grasp on "themselves" to begin with ...it's called a lack of self-esteem.
 
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