red flags of jelousy or my own fear of commitment?


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alaskanbred is offline alaskanbred Post #1  December 22,2009, 3:12am
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ok so ive been talking to this guy on the phone for a week and hes already asking me if i am talking to anyone else. of course i am because i want to make sure the guy i meet is worth meeting its not like a first come first serve deal. i really connected well but every once in awhile in the conversation he will say something that makes me feel a lil uncomfortable like we r dating already. any ideas how to respond or communicate this to him?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  December 22,2009, 3:25am
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I would just meet him as soon as possible to see if you are even interested. If he asks, I would just playfully change the subject. Its really none of his business, but it might be a bit harsh to actually say that to him. Its a pinkish flag to me. He sounds possibly possessive or clingy-ish
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  December 22,2009, 4:00am
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I agree with the previous advice Alaskan: See how he is in person and don't ignore it if he's making you uncomfortable. Possessive people don't tend to get less so as time goes on.
 
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borebore is offline borebore Post #4  December 22,2009, 4:21am
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I would definitely tell him i'm dating other people! If that turns him off then you didn't want to be with him in the first place.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #5  December 22,2009, 4:29am
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You have not met yet, right? Nothing is real until you meet.

Meet him ASAP. Throws a good dose of reality into the situation for you both.

His appearing to make the assumption you are dating here is not necessarily a red flag - I'll go with Nannette's definition of pinkish lol - but for yourself I think you may be making a big mistake if you are waiting until someone, through emails, seems "worthy" to meet. IRL it could be radically different. Get into IRL as soon as you can. Settles a lot of issues for you pretty quickly IMHO.

You are not dating anyone here, including him - you are just emailing people.......

Keep your perspective.

Good luck!

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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  December 22,2009, 9:53am
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Both sexes will pose this question at times. Its done for different reasons. Sometimes its to guage the others interest level in terms of meeting because if they are talking to multiple people they may not be at a point of deciding who they want to meet first.

Other times thay will do this is when they notice a change in your behavior where you arent doing things youve done before where you seem to have stopped calling them like you used to.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #7  December 22,2009, 11:38am
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Couple of thoughts here....

I think you should always trust your gut and that little voice inside your head. Lots of time could be saved and problems avoided if we would just listen to that little voice.

However, if your gut is not saying "RUN!" then I would suggest a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. You can't read body language and chemistry over the phone. A face-to-face meeting will either confirm your thought that this guy is not the right one or it will put your fears to rest.

Whatever you decide to do, be intentional and have fun!
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  December 22,2009, 12:40pm
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He hasn't met you, and he's already worried about whether you're seeing others?

Wow.

It's a good idea when meeting someone new, to assume they are seeing other people (especially if you meet them through an ad or dating service- DUH). That's not always the case, but it's better than assuming they are not, which can lead to trouble if you like them and think you are exclusively dating each other.
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richey is online now richey Post #9  December 22,2009, 3:17pm
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Hmmmm... definitely a potential "flag" (i like the "pink flag" idea). But it might be innocent. Don't know.

I am not sure I would recommend you see him asap (especially if he's weirding you out a little). I only recommend people getting together when they know they're ready to meet.

As for how to respond? I woudn't play coy, or change the subject ~ that will only intensify him asking you more (just think if anybody did that to us, wouldn't we think it's fishy and tend to ask even more what's going on?) So I'd recommend just telling him the truth: you are talking to multiple people becaus that's what you do in a matching service as you narrow down the field. So far he is still in the field.

And that one replier is right ~ if in telling him this he gets all weird or disappears ~ he just made your job easier for you.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #10  December 22,2009, 3:32pm
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Other thing is that when people are quite new at this it can take them a while to gain the perspective you need to not be weird about things. Sometimes a comment that you would be quite right in making IRL does not translate well here.

It's not just what he wrote, it is also how you read it.....

JMHO

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