what's up with men and the "clingy" label?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  December 21,2009, 5:51pm
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Is this a real problem that women have, or just the catch-all word that men use if they don't want to necessarily devote themselves or spend too much time with a woman? I'm sure there are overly clingy people out there... the ones who have no hobbies, every waking second they want to spend with the other person, have dropped all of their friends to do so... etc. That still seems to me to be the exception of the type of woman that men use in labeling a "clingy" person.

Am I wrong? Is this really the "big" problem women have and is it a fair term typically applied accurately? Is there a lesser degree of "clingy" that still deems you so? If you have started regularly dating someone (1-2 times/week) expect a daily email or text to say hi, thinking of you, how your day went... is that clingy?

Boy, I honestly feel a little of out it. There is so much to learn ! I think online dating has sure changed the game!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 21,2009, 6:03pm
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jussmile wrote :
If you have started regularly dating someone (1-2 times/week) expect a daily email or text to say hi, thinking of you, how your day went... is that clingy?

Yes. Pathetic, too.

I don't have any need to participate in unnecessary blather.

I will answer a woman's message if it's am intelligent question, or a point of information she needs ... otherwise, I'll tend to the e-mails associated with my employment.

She should too.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  December 21,2009, 6:03pm
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"Online" has nothing to do with anything. Dating is still dating.

Since you have nothing in your profile I don't know how old you are. But if you are anywhere remotely close to my age you may remember a day when if you called someone they either answered the phone or they didn't. There was no voice mail for you to leave a message. Then everyone got an answering machine so you expected that they call you back fairly quickly. Now everyone has a cell phone so they are expected to always be instantly available.

But that is not what you were asking about. Clingy is a behavior that does not have a specific definition. If you are dating someone and like to communicate with your partner everyday this is not in itself clingy. If you want to communicate with your partner everyday yet have not told him or her this desire and when they don't call, text or e-mail you everyday and you then go ballistic on them for this then that would be clingy behavior. Best explanation I could come up with.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  December 21,2009, 6:05pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Yes. Pathetic, too.

I don't have any need to participate in unnecessary blather.

I will answer a woman's message if it's am intelligent question, or a point of information she needs ... otherwise, I'll tend to the e-mails associated with my employment.

She should too.
You are so romantic How is this working for you?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  December 21,2009, 6:12pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
You are so romantic How is this working for you?
LOL!! that's a good one! Couldn't agree more!

I am totally up front. I like intelligent men, I like men who can articulate and feel comfortable communicating and exchanging ideas (not saying men who do not aren't intelligent, these are separate traits not meant as a pre-req). I have always told a man that has an intention of dating me that one of my top 5's are communications/responsiveness. This is important to me, and would be nice to find a guy who also finds this important. I just want to set the appropriate expectations with myself, that if the online (quick pick) method of dating has completely changed this, then I need to reset my own expectations, which I am willing to do.

I'm in my mid/late thirties if that makes any difference. Married young and for a long time, so was out of the dating scene during my twenties.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  December 21,2009, 6:17pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
You are so romantic How is this working for you?

It works well to screen out the women have not any self-directed acheivment in their lives, which is for me a major screen.

***

If your post was a poke at me, remember that I care about quality, not quantity.

In my experience, successful women do not send inane, pointless e-mail.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  December 21,2009, 6:20pm
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D_Lion wrote :
It works well to screen out the women have not any self-directed acheivment in their lives, which is for me a major screen.

***

If your post was a poke at me, remember that I care about quality, not quantity.

In my experience, successful women do not send inane, pointless e-mail.

Ummm... you might want to check again. Some "successful" women believe that communication is the key to understanding, enjoying and appreciating the person you are with. Now, successful has nothing to do with it. I think it more has to do with personality and preference. To each his/her own.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #8  December 21,2009, 6:24pm
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Is this cus of my comment in the poofer thread?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  December 21,2009, 6:25pm
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jussmile wrote :
LOL!! that's a good one! Couldn't agree more!
Congratulating those who agree with you, is just a sign that your question is not sincere.

wrote :
I am totally up front. I like intelligent men, I like men who can articulate and feel comfortable communicating and exchanging ideas
That's fine. But requiring a daily check-in has nothing to do with "communicating and exchanging ideas". It says that you don't respect or trust the guy's own natural pace of communication. Most guys won't let you push them around like that. It's clingy, and to use another word we toss around here, desperate.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  December 21,2009, 6:29pm
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jussmile wrote :
Some "successful" women believe that communication is the key to understanding, enjoying and appreciating the person you are with.

No argument there.

Communication is fine. Pointless, inane, "checking in" ("hi, how is your day?") is not.
 
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