Why is it so hard to meet people, ever think why?


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scarednewbie is offline scarednewbie Post #1  December 19,2009, 2:55pm
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My husband passed away 18 months ago at the age of 45. One day we were planning our future and the next I was planning his funeral. Now I am in unchartered waters scared to death of dating. I am 46 and thinking how silly of me. That is why I am having a hard time even signing up for this service.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 19,2009, 5:12pm
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How long were you married?

Do you feel ready to date? It's no different than before ... online and stuff, it doesn't change human nature.
 
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Sawyer76 is offline Sawyer76 Post #3  December 19,2009, 5:47pm
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I think getting back into dating or anything else for that matter, can be scary and difficult if you've been away from it for a long time.

I'd say, if you're actually ready to date then maybe start slow...see if any friends have people to set you up with etc. Another way to meet people is through groups. My sister did this when she lost her husband. Check out YOUNGWIDOW.COM. She joined this group and met with them often and met some guys this way. I think they are throughout the country and meet up in different cities for dinner, weekend trips etc. I don't think it's only for "therapy" type situations. I believe it's a way to meet other people and get out doing social activities with others in similar situations.
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #4  December 19,2009, 5:48pm
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Last edited by Atlguy38; December 19,2009 at 7:47pm.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  December 19,2009, 6:23pm
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scarednewbie wrote :
My husband passed away 18 months ago at the age of 45. One day we were planning our future and the next I was planning his funeral. Now I am in unchartered waters scared to death of dating. I am 46 and thinking how silly of me. That is why I am having a hard time even signing up for this service.
Do you even want to date yet? The reason I ask, my husband died in Oct 2008. I'm nowhere near there yet.

You might want to take a look at a couple Groups here. Widows/Widowers Group is the more active one. Wildly Wonderful Widowed Singles doesn't Post much.

Do you meet people in everyday life? Big city? At work?

I think the best way, if you want to, is to get active doing those things you enjoy. You're likely to meet other like-minded individuals (of both sexes) and even if you don't meet somebody directly that way, you will be doing what you like and are good at. That will surely build your confidence. Just expanding your acquaintances will open up new doors for you.

Good luck, hon.

j8a


Atlguy, I've been divorced once and widowed once. One is not like the other. Her thread is not the best forum for your problems getting back into the dating world.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  December 19,2009, 6:29pm
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melman is offline melman Post #7  December 19,2009, 6:37pm
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Last edited by melman; December 20,2009 at 4:28am.
 
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August2 is offline August2 Post #8  December 20,2009, 1:16am
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scarednewbie wrote :
..One day we were planning our future and the next I was planning his funeral.
...I am in unchartered waters scared to death of dating
Your concern isn't silly, in fact, it is poignantly real. The waters of death and dating are, most gratefully, uncharted. Thank goodness, otherwise the well-meaning would have boxed us up along with the deceased. Number one: it is tough to be a survivor. Number two: it's never actually easy to jump into a dating scene. Again, luckily, making friends is a whole lot easier, and thank goodness, often legal.

Getting out amongst people who are not (necessarily) grieving can be ground-breaking, even healing. But, have you considered sort-of “half-way” activities? You see, unlike many I am in favor of third-wheel participation just to get one’s foot out the door.

There are different types of internet date sites, including the eH-passive services where somebody’s dad (or computer) chooses who is matched to them and conversation is excruciatingly limited. It’s fine; just understand that eH, Match, Yahoo singles aren’t the only way to enter back into the world. Sure, there are also free dating sites such as PlentyofFish and OkCupid, they are all about the same and there are many. You might enjoy their forums and chat functions – get used to the idea of talking to people, in general.

Last edited by August2; December 20,2009 at 1:56am.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #9  December 20,2009, 3:06am
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1st step is you thought about dating. That's the hardest step; the rest is easier. Check out the various theads. Ignore much of what pass for advice (including me) and go with what you feel. Oh, wouldn't hurt to chat with a cousellor as to how ya go about dating. There are even courses you can do, a few are even helpful. Maybe do a course in drama. Remeber, it just a common social thing, lots of folks do it, even widows in mid 40s whose husbands died 18 months ago.
 
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scarednewbie is offline scarednewbie Post #10  December 20,2009, 5:35am
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Thank you all, for the first time in a very long time, I do feel alive. Its nice to have all of your support, since it is truthful because you don't know me. My closest friends are wonderful, but, too close to understand the fears and yet the emptiness of wanting someone to share a meal with or watch a movie. Simple things are what I miss the most.
 
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