Suggested dating question: How do you plan to handle your impending and certain mid-life crisis?


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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #1  December 19,2009, 9:45am

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please dont move this mods -- it is a dating question. I want to know this up front...not in a relationship after 3 months or 3 years, and putting it on the eharmony questionaire is a bit tounge in cheeck, though I may use it as a fill in on the second round...

Anyway. I was talking to my ..sigh...lets call him ...client at work the other day. He is in his 50's and we were chatting about another coworker-client that we manage....this guy is also in his early 50's and has for the last six months started to be our worst producer...can't meet deadlines, won't show up to training, worst of the worst...arrogant too. And, has donned an earring, bandanna ...and brought his new girlfriend with to our last training in florida. He is going through a divorce.

My client made some comments...far too many actually. Too many.

But he said we have been patient enough with this guy and you only get 6 months for a midlife crisis then it's no longer an excuse to screw up at work (so we laid down the law...)

But he went on to tell me all men have a mid-life crisis and so did he. I prodded a little more to see if he cheated on his wife as well....all he said was "I'm still married aren't I"? and he went on about the temptations after being married for so long and how all men are suseceptible to this and any woman that smiles at him the right way will do. He also made some choice comments about how the girlfriend wasn't even attractive...and that marriage shouldn't only be about what happens in the bedroom...and that our friend here found a girl that could just....blank blankety blank blank. Not fit for eh nor work....but that is a different topic.

I was like...okay...what about...a corvette? mountain climbing...fishing!? aren't there other things to do than cheat?

we all just kind of laughed it off....and I began to think about these two men.....both are at the far end of the spectrum. Not exactly what I would call representative of the male population. Not exactly 'sensitive' men ...and by that I mean not even close. I mean ...these are your average dirty joke, sports, beer, and yes former military men. (I'm not suggesting all military men are like this, but I'm just pointing out these are not exactly metrosexuals here... nor very modern, they are older).

It really began to scare me though! So if all men go through this mid-life crisis....how much variety is there in how this is handled? And how can I prepare for this eventuality or avoid the worst of it!?!?

I would think marrying later in life would help....but...
Last edited by cp30; December 19,2009 at 9:50am.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  December 19,2009, 9:54am
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The great thing about mid-life crises is you have NO IDEA where they will take you! So you can't prepare. You have to just enjoy them. Whether someone uses theirs to destroy their life and do stupid stuff, or take the opportunity to spread their wings, is just another character issue.

Women go through them too!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  December 19,2009, 9:59am
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I would seperate divorce from midlife crisis...two totally different things. The divorce is enough alone to cause havoc.

The midlife crisis in men tends to occur anywhere between their late 30s to mid 50s. The warning signs are that are trying to rekindle their youth, their old times when they all of a sudden decided to trade in their minivan for a sports car....its not always materialistic...sometimes it can be in their dating when instead of dating people near their age the suddenly start dating women in their 20s. Another example is a man trying to get back to what he used to do..sometimes it could be in getting back to the shpe he was 20 years ago...so he may take on new activities that seem to be a leap as opposed to easing into doing the activity.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  December 19,2009, 10:00am

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Sassafras54 wrote :
The great thing about mid-life crises is you have NO IDEA where they will take you! So you can't prepare. You have to just enjoy them. Whether someone uses theirs to destroy their life and do stupid stuff, or take the opportunity to spread their wings, is just another character issue.

Women go through them too!
I suspect they do....and I will too.

I never understood that whole thing the oldsters used to say to us youngsters in our teens and 20's about thinking we were immortal...

but it hit me the other day at the age of 32 when I started calculating how many years were in 6473 days....and how old I would be then and how much finite time I have left on this earth, and that I'm no longer in the 'first quarter' unless I'm really...really healthy and lucky (depending on your outlook).

I bet women do destructive things during a mid life crisis too....you just don't hear about it as much. I know for myself it would be less likely to be jarring....because I'm not usually unaware of how I'm feeling about my life and I'm used to taking stock of where I am and my goals and what I want to do...etc.

I could see more men being 'surprised' and waking up one day and doing crazy things.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #5  December 19,2009, 10:01am

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ps. a theory...

it could be that so many of my generation are commitment-phone as a result of our parents generation mid-life crisises and the results of them (divorce, cheating, broken homes, missed opportunites, etc.)

perhaps my generation will be marrying at mid life and more likely to gloss past this wave? though, I'm pretty sure we will all be feeling pressured to have plastic surgery and never grow old...too.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  December 19,2009, 10:05am
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If I already have a Corvette by then, is it okay to get two?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  December 19,2009, 10:07am

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D_Lion wrote :
If I already have a Corvette by then, is it okay to get two?
hobbies are good. even expensive ones. Cars, fishing, sports, whatever...I support hobbies other than cheating.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  December 19,2009, 10:08am
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Drinking is a hobby, right?
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #9  December 19,2009, 10:13am
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It started hitting me around 38. The thing is, I don't know if it was related to my career gone wrong, or my age. Actually, I do. It was both. Fast forward 3 years and its worse than ever. I'm now divorced, still no career, and thinking I may never have a family. They say job loss and divorce are two out of the 3 life stressors, death being the third.

So I've experienced all 3 in the last 4 years. My Dad dies in 2005 on my wedding day, my career was lost soon after, and now I'm divorced. This is more than a midlife crisis. For me, I wish it were an end of life crisis. I really don't want to be here anymore. There is nothing to look forward to, and that has little to do with age and more to do with how I've ruined my life.

If things had worked out the way I wanted, I would be happily married with kids and a career. I doubt I'd be too worried about my age.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #10  December 19,2009, 10:19am
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cp30 wrote :
I was like...okay...what about...a corvette? So if all men go through this mid-life crisis....how much variety is there in how this is handled?

I would think marrying later in life would help....but...
Well.

I got married at 46, so....I don't know whether that helped or not. Probably not.

(Probably as many different answers as there are men...)




At about 51, I guess I had one. So I threw about 40 grand at the problem.

Bought this. Best thing I ever did.




Still have it. Shed the wife a few years ago, and glad I did.
 
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