AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  December 18,2009, 10:51pm
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This is the guy that I've e-mailed a few times and each time I read his e-mails I just fall over. He writes just as much as I do and really answers questions.

In my last e-mail I brought up meeting in person. I left it as more of a "do you think we should meet now or wait a bit?" Because we sure are getting to know a lot about each other this way. And it's not silly "what's your favorite color" kinda stuff.

He responded with "Though any new relationship needs to unravel itself so I would think things would happen in phases. Ya know foundations have to be built, and so on. I would not want to hang out every waking moment outside of work so things would move slow, and take time. " and "So you see what I mean ? I'm open to moving forward. Probably a phone call would be good. If that felt well setting up something to meet if both were interested. So I'm willing to explore more."

My mind is going WOW, this guy either really knows how to date, or he read some book on what to say in an e-mail. He's definitely got his head on his shoulders. Or so it appears.

He did give me his phone number and I called and left a message with my number about an hour or so later.

Soooo.... I'm not sure if I have a question or if I'm looking for some opinions. I get nervous about game players. Especially guys that seem so great online then turn into jerk offs when you meet them.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  December 18,2009, 10:58pm
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I'm not sure what you're asking, but I'll just say that I had a match that always wrote the perfect e-mails--great length to answer questions in depth and always made me laugh. When I say perfect, I don't mean he sounded like a player or it was out of a book, but he sounded like a great match for me. We talked on the phone many times next for about an hour each time and had great conversations. Then we met and I felt no chemistry at all.

Since then, I totally agree with those who advise that you not build up things too much without meeting in person. You might have some foundations to build at the start, but chemistry is the main cornerstone that solidifies that foundation so it's a good idea to know if you've got it.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  December 18,2009, 11:02pm
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I see your point MelinCali. I would hate to think that we would meet and then go "eh, not gonna happen."

I need to feel chemistry. Or at least a twinge.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  December 18,2009, 11:09pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I see your point MelinCali. I would hate to think that we would meet and then go "eh, not gonna happen."

I need to feel chemistry. Or at least a twinge.
I need it too, and I have to say that I was really surprised. I was so excited about the date, really liked him from our emails and conversations, then got there and ....meh. Nothing.

I totally believe that there's just no predicting the outcome of meeting.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  December 18,2009, 11:29pm

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I prefer to only be penpals for this reason LOL.

Then you can always correspond with me, while imagining my defined jaw, dark flowing hair, piercing eyes, five o'clock shadow, 6'2" height, chiseled chest and mediterranean tan skin...

Why would you wanna ruin that and meet in person?
Last edited by PY_2; December 18,2009 at 11:35pm. Reason: forgot to add....voice as melodious as Andrea Bocelli too....
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #6  December 18,2009, 11:34pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
My mind is going WOW, this guy either really knows how to date, or he read some book on what to say in an e-mail. He's definitely got his head on his shoulders. Or so it appears.
Or both of you are in the illusiary infatuation stage that can develop through informal contact such as emails?

MelinCali wrote :
Since then, I totally agree with those who advise that you not build up things too much without meeting in person.
+8,675,309
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  December 19,2009, 12:27am
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Priestess - I don't think it's one of those illusionary things. I am still talking to and meeting other guys. I'm just amazed at how grounded this guy is.

Like I said, the e-mails are about what he and I do and like. He does this exercise thing called Body Tribe. Ok, so I don't know much about it and he explained a bit to me. I still don't totally get it, but hey, everyone has what they do and don't like.

His answers are long, but don't skirt the questions. He also has zoned in on a few things and asked for answers.

If I was in that infatuation stage, I wouldn't even consider talking to other guys. I know that is how my mind works. I turn into a preteen boy crazy screaming girl.

Hmmm, I'm starting to think I'm surprised that there is someone out there who understands who he is and tries to make sure I do too. No hidden agendas lurking in the background it seems. I'm such a girl when it comes to over analyzing things, that I usually find one or two things that could mean trouble.

Ok, so maybe I am starting to over analyze this.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #8  December 19,2009, 1:06am
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he sounds like a SNAG, and i wouldn't go near a SNAG with a 10-ft pole.

SNAG = Sensitive New Age Guy. they are invariably passive-aggressive, all about me, and all around sensitive in a bad way - as in not sensitive to your feelings, just sensitive.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  December 19,2009, 3:56am
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To each their own, but I find the quote you placed in your post completely weird for a man to say.

I'd guess he has minimal experience with women or dating. That's not a character problem, so I don't really see risk - except insofar as he might latch on to someone when he ought to know better, and it won't last.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #10  December 19,2009, 4:05am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Is there a possibility that you've been a bit too full on? Is it you that's always emailing first and suggesting phone calls and the like? Could he suspect that if you meet you will assume that you're his girlfriend from day 1? Sounds to me as though, he likes you and wants to see how it might develop but was putting the brakes on a little bit. A reality check on email infatuation. Very sensible in my opinion.

Email a bit then meet for coffee. Drawn out phone calls and all that malarky and then a big ol' date just paves the way for disappointment. Don't make a big deal out of it.

As we say in the East End, 'what's for you, won't go by you'

Enjoy.
 
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