Would this be considered a "must-have"?


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StudyInContrasts is offline StudyInContrasts Post #1  December 18,2009, 8:09am
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Here's the thing....

I really like to dance. So much so that I dance sitting/driving in the car (as much as I can anyway). I dance ballroom, country and Latin, but only at upper beginning levels.

However, my desire to go out dancing is cyclical. I go through stages where I want to go out almost every night for several months, then I go several months where I don't care about going out, then I get an overwhelming urge to go and the cycle starts over again.

So, here's my dilemma.

I've dated men who don't dance and it's always felt uncomfortable when I get in my "I've got to go dancing" stage because they either won't go (and I start feeling guilty so I stop going and resent it) or they go and I don't dance because I'm there with him and I get frustrated because dancing is why I went in the first place.

On the other side, I've dated men who like to dance and when I'm at the point where I don't really care about going out, they still want to. I'm fine with that, as I understand that for them, it's about the dancing, not picking up women, just like for me, it's about dancing, not picking up men.

So, does that make dancing a "must have"?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  December 18,2009, 8:13am
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I'd say not. What if you met a great guy, great dancer, fell in love, got married, had kids, 20 years go by, then he has a bad accident of some kind and can no longer dance. Do you dump him? No. So dancing is not a "must-have".

Unless you are just looking for a short-term dance partner!
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #3  December 18,2009, 8:19am
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The fact the you go in and out of dancing phases suggests to me the it's just an occasional hobby of yours, and not central to your lifestyle. Personally, I would never have a specific hobby or common interest on my "must-have" list...certainly as a "definite plus", but it the grand scheme of things that's not something that's going to last.

Certainly though it's worth talking to guys about your interest in dancing. If they're comfortable with you going off dancing on your own that may be a good sign of compatibility for you. I just wouldn't miss out on a wonderful guy just because you're twitching to tango.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #4  December 18,2009, 8:23am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
I'd say not. What if you met a great guy, great dancer, fell in love, got married, had kids, 20 years go by, then he has a bad accident of some kind and can no longer dance. Do you dump him? No. So dancing is not a "must-have".

Unless you are just looking for a short-term dance partner!
Although I agree with your conclusion, your line of reasoning is very flawed. Marriage is a lifetime commitment that includes bad along with good, and when I marry a woman I'll stick with her through thick and thin. That doesn't mean I'd be willing to seek out some of the bad things that could happen later in the context of a dating relationship. An accident could just as easily take away someone's mental faculties...I wouldn't divorce my wife for suffering a traumatic brain injury, and yet intellect and wit are still must-haves of mine in the context of looking for a partner.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  December 18,2009, 9:13am
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Having know (and dated a couple) girls like you I am going against the other posters and say that this is probably a must have for you.

You indicate that you like to dance, a lot. Though sometimes you do just prefer to chill at home. I have congenital klutziness and DO NOT dance. In every other respect I could be the most perfect guy that you have ever met. But because I don't dance you would never be happy with me for that very reason. BTDT!!!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  December 18,2009, 9:15am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
I'd say not. What if you met a great guy, great dancer, fell in love, got married, had kids, 20 years go by, then he has a bad accident of some kind and can no longer dance. Do you dump him? No. So dancing is not a "must-have".

Unless you are just looking for a short-term dance partner!
cardguy wrote :
Although I agree with your conclusion, your line of reasoning is very flawed.
...
I agree with this.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  December 18,2009, 9:19am

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Have you ever considered just dancing by yourself, or with a single guy - or is that a dating no-no for you?

I think fewer guys like to dance than women-just a generalization I know but thats been my experience.

So if I'm with a date who doesn't dance, and who won't get up on the floor and just try to do a shuffle to the music, I will dance with an available single guy there.

It shouldn't be a big deal-it's just a dance and since you usually can't have a conversation in a club anyhow, your date isn't missing out on your sparkling personality. It's never become an issue for the men I've dated who didn't care to dance, (though I'm sure the usual suspects will chime in with how they would be upset if they took a date out and paid for her drinks and she danced with someone else).

In any case, I do wish more guys had the confidence to just get up and make rhythmic moves, if their date enjoys dancing a lot.

And no-it's not a deal breaker.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #8  December 18,2009, 9:26am
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cardguy wrote :
Personally, I would never have a specific hobby or common interest on my "must-have" list...certainly as a "definite plus", but it the grand scheme of things that's not something that's going to last.
How about that? I find myself once again agreeing with cardguy!

I think in the approach to dating, it is far better to have as few "must haves" as possible. There are some that are incredibly important (like acceptable level personal hygiene, shared religion, similar values) but I think it's best to leave hobbies off the list.

Having more MH makes it more of a shopping list approach to find the ideal person--someone who might not even exist. Instead, I think it's better to find someone who is compatible with your core values, then date to test out how well your lives fit together while you can view the person as the whole package instead of filtering on the individual items you might put on a list for the ideal partner.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  December 18,2009, 9:30am
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You sound in some ways like an addict

Ever thought of doing it in moderation where you space it out to once a week or everyother week.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #10  December 18,2009, 9:40am
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Only you can answer that. I do radio stuff at least once or twice every month and I usually go out of town for this stuff would never consider it a must have that my parter would go with me but it would be nice sometimes it is certainly not a deal breaker.
 
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