If you think he's the right guy, wait a long time


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borebore is offline borebore Post #1  December 16,2009, 1:52pm
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...until you sleep with him.

A year if you can. 2 years maybe? At least six to nine months. Just do it this way. You'll have far less issues, headaches, heartaches, and baggage in the future. Just wait until you're absolutely freakin' sure that he's there for more than the sex.

You can show a man that you're interested and serious in ways other than jumping into bed with him. Don't use sex as a keeper tool.

Unless you want the sex badly yourself and are willing to possibly sacrifice a successful long term relationship for it. This is the sacrifice you're making.

This will weed out the wrong guys. Protect yourself. If a man is demanding sex in 90 days he's probably the wrong guy anyway. Think of it that way. 90 days isn't very long. I can do 90 days easy. I have dated a girl for over 90 days and then had sex with her and immediately felt like I was starting to lose interest, much to my own dismay. I didn't want to be *that* guy but I was.

Just trying to share some advice.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  December 16,2009, 2:11pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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"If you think he's the right guy, wait a long time....to sleep with him."

As opposed to this....what do you do if you think he's the 'wrong guy'?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  December 16,2009, 2:23pm
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borebore wrote :
Just wait until you're absolutely freakin' sure that he's there for more than the sex.

While this seems to be something that some people might be tempted by, given that they have not the ability to make good choices, it:

- Places too much importance on sex than is there to be had, by assuming there is anything wrong with sex.

- That controlling behavior of this kind is effective at getting better partners, when the opposite is the truth: coming with this sort of attitude mainly signals to healthy people to look elsewhere.

There is not the certainty in life that you might wish, and this sort of mindset isn't going to change that.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  December 16,2009, 2:36pm
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lol

thats all i can say right now.

except that i love your post, op
 
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TrixiPooch is offline TrixiPooch Post #5  December 16,2009, 2:38pm
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borebore wrote :
I have dated a girl for over 90 days and then had sex with her and immediately felt like I was starting to lose interest, much to my own dismay. I didn't want to be *that* guy but I was.
Maybe you found out you weren't sexually compatible? Maybe your relationship became all about "waiting for sex", then once you had it you couldn't remember the other reasons you were together? I'm all for waiting until both parties are ready...but 1-2 years? That's crazy talk!

Btw...if you're dating a woman for a significant amount of time who doesn't "want the sex badly" herself, then you probably shouldn't be dating her at all (unless having a healthy/active sex life isn't important to you).
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  December 16,2009, 2:42pm

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Two years? It would've been broken and out of warranty by then!!
Last edited by PY_2; December 16,2009 at 2:55pm.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  December 16,2009, 2:42pm
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I agree with the idea of waiting to know someone first before sex because sex can cloud judgement in the relationshiip. There does come a point when its maje or beak. A big part of the relationship is sex and you need to know if you have it.

I do believe in waiting...but not a year....
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  December 16,2009, 2:54pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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A follow up issue on this topic. We all know that in committed relationships in which sex is taking place some people cheat and have sex with someone else.

Personally, I don't mind the idea of waiting a certain amount of time before starting to have sex....but if this is going on for a couple years I think it's much more likely that someone will cheat.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  December 16,2009, 3:16pm

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I don't think many people wait more than a year unless they are young people -- which makes sense and is fairly normal.

Older people -- you know -- some people do still put off sex until marriage, of all ages. Or at least for months or a year or more even (I'm sure).

It seems that most people who are adults -- if this is their belief, will get married after a certain amount of time -- months to a year if waiting is important to both or one of them.

2+ years without marriage with or without sex is kind of a long time, as adults. Unless, marriage is not a goal for either party.

I don't think waiting extra long has much affect on most men, though I certainly do think it can ruin a perfectly good relationship if it's too soon.

And, I don't think there is really anything wrong with waiting for marriage either.

And, I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that it's 'manipulation' for a woman to do what is right for her heart and body.

Someone can want something and still use judgement to decide it may not be what they need to do...
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  December 16,2009, 3:18pm
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op i am wondering what advice you would give to me when the guy starts getting all fussy about not having sex. because he will cry about it. i know the ones that dont like me will go away, but what about the ones that stick around and get all boo hoo over it?
 
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