If you think he's the right guy, wait a long time

Hi borabora. welcome to the eHa groups and thanks for the....amazing....post.

I had to read it a couple of times because initially I thought you are a woman-I was astounded when I discovered you aren't.

I'm sure your philosophy and advice will find some support and agreement but personally I think it's so far off base that it's in a different game altogether.

Sex isn't everything in the world, but it's darn important to a healthy functional person who has good self esteem.

Tthese aren't the 1800's where virginal women were treasured for their aloofness. An experienced and mature woman, today, has a fairly good BS indicator that allows us to weed out some if not all of the players...and sadly the only way to develop this ability is to find out by trial and error. Thats life, sweetie..we all get burned, we get up again and go on, lesson learned.

I think it's important that I, as a woman who might be interested in a potential future with a man, find out if we are sexually compatible before getting significantly emotionally involved with him. It would be far more heartbreaking to fall deeply in love with someone with whom I was unable to find happiness in our sex life.

I don't want to sound crass, but I have no intention of devoting myself to a man whose idea of foreplay or lovemaking is anything less than ideal for me.

Suggesting I spend a year growing closer and closer to a man only to discover we aren't fun in the sack is just silly.

And, I have to say, I don't know many men who would go along with that either-unless they are hyper religious, which isn't my cup of tea anyhow so we wouldn't attract each other in the first place.

I would close any match with this attitude about sexual morality.

And one need not be "hyper" religious to have this preference.

Unless you like excessively-emotional men, I suggest you leave. I would never cry over something so trivial.

In my experience, women want to have sex, so I have never been faced with one who did not. My expectation is that I would say something like "I am used to having sex, so I have no reason not to for you."

In that case, if she stood her ground, I might or might not hang around (having never been tested on this matter), but would surely say "I will not consider any commitment at this time."

My experience with women is that I will win this fight. A consistant pattern of being honest goes a long way toward getting what I need.

This is a good post, so "five stars" from someone who puts his name on his vote.

unless it happens to be the one stars that you gave to mine

you would wait for the right girl.

2+ years without marriage with or without sex is kind of a long time, as adults. Unless, marriage is not a goal for either party.

...until you sleep with him.

A year if you can. 2 years maybe? At least six to nine months. Just do it this way. You'll have far less issues, headaches, heartaches, and baggage in the future. Just wait until you're absolutely freakin' sure that he's there for more than the sex.

You can show a man that you're interested and serious in ways other than jumping into bed with him. Don't use sex as a keeper tool.

Unless you want the sex badly yourself and are willing to possibly sacrifice a successful long term relationship for it. This is the sacrifice you're making.

This will weed out the wrong guys. Protect yourself. If a man is demanding sex in 90 days he's probably the wrong guy anyway. Think of it that way. 90 days isn't very long. I can do 90 days easy. I have dated a girl for over 90 days and then had sex with her and immediately felt like I was starting to lose interest, much to my own dismay. I didn't want to be *that* guy but I was.

Just trying to share some advice.