Update: I'm getting really frustrated!!!


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GEF2 is offline GEF2 Post #1  December 15,2009, 7:09pm
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Was seeing a guy for about a month. Went out on 5 dates. Asked me to be exclusive with him on the 3rd date and I agreed- I know-HUGE MISTAKE on my part. Anyway, things seemed to be going well. He would travel to see me in my area and we always had a good time. We didn't sleep together even though I know he wanted to because he said that he's never been tested for STD's and I asked him to get tested and he agreed. Then he mentioned that its probably going to take him a long time to get a doctor's appt-blah, blah. Anyway, the last few times he's called me he seemed depressed bec he moved across the country away from his family (for his job) a few months ago and he misses them and doesn't even like his new job and just found out that his mom's sick. The last few times I've spoken to him on the phone, he's very negative about everything and I'm trying to be understanding and cheer him up a little, and he's not even responsive to it. Everything I suggest to him he shoots down. He did apologize to me that he's not himself lately but I don't even think that he should be having these conversations with me so soon. He hasn't even suggested getting together for the past 2 weeks-and I've only known him for 4 weeks! I last heard from him on Wednesday and now its Sunday night and this is the longest that I haven't heard from him so I'm guessing its probably over. And BTW, the reason I haven't called him this last time is bec when I do, he barely sounds happy to hear from me. Shouldn't he be worried about pushing me away at such an early stage?
I feel like he has been using for free therapy sessions.

Hey guys, I have a little update:

He called me tonight and left me a message to call him back. Btw, its been 6 days since I've spoken to him. I was a little surprised-didn't think I'd hear from him again. Anyway, I'm not calling him back tonight like I normally would because I don't want him to think that I'm always available every time he calls me. I know it sounds like I'm playing games, but I'm going on the advice of 3 guy friends who are also currently dating (and are not at all players) and they said that I should take a step back and not be so available. To let him think that I have a life and am not always waiting around for him to call me. They all said that guys like to pursue and have a little mystery. What do you think?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  December 15,2009, 7:16pm
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i think your friends are right.

he went 6 days without talking to you. that is not a good sign at all.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  December 15,2009, 7:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I don't think not calling him back immediately is a bad thing. If you think someone might be taking you for granted I think it's appropriate to show that you won't be. However, the thing for me is, if it comes to the point where you need to do things like waiting to call him back so you won't seem so available....I think the writing is already on the wall. The only thing you'll accomplish is to prolong the end until a later (and possibly sadder) date.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  December 15,2009, 7:19pm

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A day is too soon to call
Six days is too long
so I guess three days is the perfect number?
 
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qt_py is offline qt_py Post #5  December 16,2009, 7:54am

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When does this making-them-wait madness end??
 
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GBrown254588 is offline GBrown254588 Post #6  December 16,2009, 8:02am
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Last edited by GBrown254588; December 16,2009 at 8:14am.
 
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GBrown254588 is offline GBrown254588 Post #7  December 16,2009, 8:09am
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well i say wait until you feel that the time is right. and you will know when it is right too, it will be in your heart, so just follow your heart ok? thats the best thing to do.just wish that i was lucky enough to find someone that would have me for the way i am but im not that lucky durn it
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #8  December 16,2009, 9:29am
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I think you shouldn't have to feel like calling him back right away. It's not like you should be at his beck and call. Waiting a day or two is not unusual anyway for most people with busy lives.

Call him tonight (what - it's been one day right?) and keep the conversation light. Maybe he just wants to kvetch about his life, or maybe he's feeling better.Assess his mood level before you make any commitment for a date. After all, you want some reasonable assurance that you will have a nice time with this guy.
 
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richey is online now richey Post #9  December 19,2009, 9:17pm
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Althought I generally agree with your 3 male friends' advice, there are some special circumstances here (on his part). My advice for this situation is this: don't wait too long to reply, but make the reply short and sweet and sort of reinforce that yer giving him space (aka backing off a bit).

That way you accomplish both things ~ creating space and stepping back a bit, but still being supportive.

So something like, "got your message. I know you're going through a lot right now. Please take care of yourself and those things. When you're ready, contact me then."

Now, if I remember correctly you may not have been so interested in him to begin with (and wanted to have "the talk" about how this may be inappropriate for such a short time that oyu've known each other?) If you actually aren't interested in the guy, then i wouldn't reply back right away and give it some time ~ even letting him contact you again first.

Good luck.
Richey
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #10  December 19,2009, 10:42pm
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is happy.

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The way I see it is:

- don't obsess, control or punish
- dating is like tennis: whatever he serves you, return it.

This would preserve your happiness, and prevent you from going nuts.
 
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