Dreamsicles is offline Dreamsicles Post #1  December 15,2009, 5:57pm
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So I was just wondering how far would you be willing to date someone. I was seeing this guy a few times now and recently he had a job transfer. Currently we live 30 minutes away from each other, but with the job transfer, we will be living 4 hours away. When he told me he was moving, he didn't mention that we will continue to see other and that distance is not a factor. Is 4 hours too far? Now if you were really interested in a girl, would you be willing to make it work and give it a shot? What is too far?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  December 15,2009, 6:02pm
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i would never do that for a girl because thats not how i roll, but because of my preferences and who i am, i would need to be open to quite a lot of travel, unfortunately
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  December 15,2009, 6:03pm
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I had my matching set at the shortest distance, and regularly turned away women on Match who wrote me, once they got beyond 20 miles (more or less depending on the specific route) - which was about one hour where I live.

In my analysis, "really interested" is not the germane decision-point; at issue is, can I afford / do I have the time to see her often enough to maintain a relationship? And, is it likely the distance will be resolved in the foreseeable future?

If this man agreed to be exclusive already, I suggest having a discussion and seeing what his intent is.

If not, I expect this is the end.
Last edited by D_Lion; December 15,2009 at 6:06pm.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #4  December 15,2009, 7:29pm
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Nope , it wouldn't be too far for me, but then again, my distance gadge meter was set to the states, and I live in Canada, so I pretty much knew what I was getting myself into. But 4 hours for me, would be nothing. I love to drive and as long as we both are willing to go the distance, or meet half way, whatever, then it makes no difference to me.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #5  December 15,2009, 8:13pm
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It really depends on how much you want to put into the relationship. If you think that you'll regret letting this one go then you should continue the relationship. If you think you can let this go and know that a few years down the line you won't regret this decision then let it go.
My ex-boyfriend lived in another state and we flew out to see each other. It didn't end because of distance, and I am glad I didn't let the distance stop me from dating him. We had some awesome times and I have great memories.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  December 15,2009, 8:26pm
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Only you can decide whether 4 hours is too far. For me, more than 30 minutes is too far. If the distance separation will be temporary and relatively short (no more than a few months), that would make it more tolerable.

Re-read D_Lion's post.... he said it well.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #7  December 15,2009, 9:01pm
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It's definitely a question that varies from person to person. For me, the answer would be that that's no too far. My rule of thumb is that it's close enough if we'd each be willing to drive to the other's town once a month to pursue a relationship (flying across the country at that frequency would be beyond my means), and there's a realistic potential to be in the same town at some point if things are going well.

Your own tolerance will vary based on your geography and personal circumstances.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  December 16,2009, 4:04am
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Depends on the individual and your needs in the relationship as well as the capacity to afford travel.

Realistically, with a new job and the move, expect him to cool off for a bit toward you. He is meeting a lot of new people and learning a lot of new things so a relationship in general may be hard especially when it's really new. Ultimately, it depends on how much you both like each other and what you are mutally willing to do to keep things going or not.
 
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train_in_vain is offline train_in_vain Post #9  December 16,2009, 4:50am
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So some people wouldn't travel for more than 30 minutes or an hour. It's great to know romance is alive and kicking on eH.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  December 16,2009, 5:55am
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Sitting in my car for more than an hour each way for dates with a stranger is not romantic. It's desperate.

I tried a couple of dates with a match about 40 minutes drive away. That is just too far away for the random "hey, how about dinner tonight" dates that you need in order to develop a relationship.
 
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