Newbie with questions! :-)

I am surprised that men are not initiating communication. I have heard that this is a big complaint from the ladies out there. As a guy, I agree with DJGREG that its okay to initiate. Ladies. Go for it. I don't think most guys mind. I find it refreshing as I do not have to always do all the work! Now for the guys. Guys, if you are serious about doing this. Get out there and initiate. That is really your job.

I am surprised that men are not initiating communication. I have heard that this is a big complaint from the ladies out there. As a guy, I agree with DJGREG that its okay to initiate. Ladies. Go for it. I don't think most guys mind. I find it refreshing as I do not have to always do all the work! Now for the guys. Guys, if you are serious about doing this. Get out there and initiate. That is really your job.

I've been on eHarmony for about a month now and would like your input on a few questions! Will you help me? 1) Ladies, do you ever request the initial communication with a match? I haven't so far, I guess I'm old-fashioned but I think if a guy is interested he will make the first move. What are your thoughts? 2) Also, how long would you expect to communicate with someone prior to meeting? I'm on eHarmony to start dating in the real world, that's the point right? Thanks!

As a man who is using eHarmony to find a serious relationship, perhaps I can give you a little insight into how men think about the communiction process and about who initiates.

I've gotten literally hundreds of matches over the last few weeks. I look at every one, generally within a couple of days. Maybe in one profile in seven or eight I see something that stands out in a way that makes me think there's a serious chance we have potential. I commmunicate with those women right away.

About half of the matches, I look at and say "no way" -- and close the match immediately.

For the remainder, I leave the match open for while. Maybe the way she wrote her profile just didn't happen to click with me, and she'll see something in my profile that interests her. Maybe I'll read the profile again and see something I didn't see the first time. Maybe there was something that made me a little uncomfortable the first time I read it, but by the fourth time I decide it's not that important.

If I get communication from one of these, I'm always responsive. I'll pick questions to try figure out whether I missed something or that person really isn't a good match.

If I don't get communication I look over the profile every week or so to see if it strikes me differently. Most of these I either close or communicate with within a week, but sometimes it takes me a long as a month before deciding which way to go.

So from my side, I'd cetainly hope that if a woman looks at my profile and it stands out in a good way for her that she'd communicate.

Of course, I can't really say what other men do...