Red Flag vs Overly Eager? Are they both bad?


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chickee333 is offline chickee333 Post #1  December 14,2009, 6:20pm
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I have been dating someone for 6 weeks. We have seen eachother about 8 times. I have small children and all, but one, of our dates had curfews. We have kissed on occassion.

I enjoy spending time with him and am interested in getting to know him more. I expressed this to him along with the fact that I am a busy single parent and needed to take the 'slow' road. He agreed.

Recently he asked me over to his familys for dinner. He wants me to meet his Aunt, Uncle, Cousins (and spouses and kids). I was really surprised at this, especially because we had already had a very CLEAR discussion about taking things slow. I declined the invitation, and he said he was fine with that. He just needed me to confirm we were both on the same path to progress. When I asked him what he meant he stated he eventually wants to settle down and wanted to confirm that I could see myself doing that at some point, be it tomorrow or in 6 months....

Although I really like him, I am reconsidering dating him. He says he can go with the flow, yet he continues to make invitations for things (inviting my children, which have been clearly made off-limits at this early stage) although I have asked to take a step back. We have plans for this weekend which I have decided not to go. He asks alot of prying questions and wants to know what I am doing everyday.

I am concerned that even the very act of continuing to date him is going to give him to wrong impression. I have expressed the pressure I am beginning to feel and that it makes me uncomfortable. He says he will back up, yet still makes inappropriate invites and is asking my schedule...where I am, what am I doing... (as opposed to saying, if you are free Saturday I'd like to take you out...)

I feel I have made my effort in communicating my needs clearly. It seems like he won't take no for anwser. I am not sure what to do . How to you tell someone you like that you don't like them... This behavior is starting to push me away.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  December 14,2009, 6:25pm
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Jeez! Women constantly ask "where I am" and "what I'm doing." I never do this to women, though I would guess that you have been less than forthcoming, and that is why he is so curious.

As to inviting you to meet his family, that is meaningless. Go or don't go, but don't assume it means anything.

"Taking it slow" means not having sex in the next few hours, nothing more.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  December 14,2009, 6:33pm
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chickee333 wrote :
I have been dating someone for 6 weeks. We have seen eachother about 8 times. I have small children and all, but one, of our dates had curfews. We have kissed on occassion.

I enjoy spending time with him and am interested in getting to know him more. I expressed this to him along with the fact that I am a busy single parent and needed to take the 'slow' road. He agreed.

Recently he asked me over to his familys for dinner. He wants me to meet his Aunt, Uncle, Cousins (and spouses and kids). I was really surprised at this, especially because we had already had a very CLEAR discussion about taking things slow. I declined the invitation, and he said he was fine with that. He just needed me to confirm we were both on the same path to progress. When I asked him what he meant he stated he eventually wants to settle down and wanted to confirm that I could see myself doing that at some point, be it tomorrow or in 6 months....

Although I really like him, I am reconsidering dating him. He says he can go with the flow, yet he continues to make invitations for things (inviting my children, which have been clearly made off-limits at this early stage) although I have asked to take a step back. We have plans for this weekend which I have decided not to go. He asks alot of prying questions and wants to know what I am doing everyday.

I am concerned that even the very act of continuing to date him is going to give him to wrong impression. I have expressed the pressure I am beginning to feel and that it makes me uncomfortable. He says he will back up, yet still makes inappropriate invites and is asking my schedule...where I am, what am I doing... (as opposed to saying, if you are free Saturday I'd like to take you out...)

I feel I have made my effort in communicating my needs clearly. It seems like he won't take no for anwser. I am not sure what to do . How to you tell someone you like that you don't like them... This behavior is starting to push me away.
i think he likes you too and may be worried that someone else is going to come along and get you if he is asking what you are doing all of the time.

you dont sound like you are exclusive or have discussed it.

you might think that its an issue of not respecting your wishes, but i would just not answer his questions or put him on hold or something (if its on the phone lol) if he asks. i dont necessarily see this as a bad thing, but its still early on so its hard to tell if he is just insecure or what.

and dlion since women ask you what you are doing all of the time does that mean that you are being "less than forthcoming"?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  December 14,2009, 6:44pm
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Nanette wrote :
dlion since women ask you what you are doing all of the time does that mean that you are being "less than forthcoming"?

Generally it means that my life is not as wonderously exciting as her fantasies imagine it to be.

Though I have found it delightful to keep them guessing, too!
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  December 14,2009, 6:52pm
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Pushy, not respecting your wishes. Wanting to know what your doing. Making you feel very uneasy.
This isnt a good sign. Go with your feelings. If things are making you go huh and your getting that message something is amiss. Trust yourself, before you cannot trust anyone.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  December 14,2009, 6:54pm
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chickee I am not sure how to read your post. It could well be that he is asking what you are doing, how your day was, etc. as a means of making small talk. While you are viewing it as prying.

While you are still in the very early stages and it may well be too early to introduce your children to him. If you wait until you decide that he is "the one", whether the he is this guy or some other guy, to introduce him to your children it is too late.

The concept of inviting you to his family gathering could be viewed as an indication that he has a family that he enjoys spending time with. This could be a real bonus. Consider the implications of him not wanting to introduce you to his family. Hmm, I think I would prefer to date someone who likes their family.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  December 14,2009, 7:04pm
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RED FLAG.... your man has been cited for multiple boundary violations and I would like to add that his behavior is expected of someone dating 6 months not 6 weeks! Most men you have to drag to the alter...this one is there before you even thought of it I don't mind over eager but he has crossed the boundary into over bearing if you have spoke to him on more than one occasion and he is not getting that you are completely turned off by this behavior. I'm an open book myself but if someone has gone past casually asking how my day/schedule is to wanting a play by play then I would seriously reconsider.

Being that you have children...it is more than reasonable to take things slow...it's called being a responsible parent and if a man can't respect that then I seriously call into question his maturity level.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  December 14,2009, 7:10pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Though I have found it delightful to keep them guessing, too!
eee veeel!
 
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Crabtree is offline Crabtree Post #9  December 14,2009, 7:15pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Jeez! Women constantly ask "where I am" and "what I'm doing." I never do this to women, though I would guess that you have been less than forthcoming, and that is why he is so curious.
Yeah, but be fair, that's usually your parole officer hoping to avoid another "Saturday night at the minigolf course with the flamethrower" incident.
 
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p_babe is offline p_babe Post #10  December 14,2009, 7:18pm
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chickee333 wrote :
I have been dating someone for 6 weeks. We have seen eachother about 8 times. I have small children and all, but one, of our dates had curfews. We have kissed on occassion.

I enjoy spending time with him and am interested in getting to know him more. I expressed this to him along with the fact that I am a busy single parent and needed to take the 'slow' road. He agreed.

Recently he asked me over to his familys for dinner. He wants me to meet his Aunt, Uncle, Cousins (and spouses and kids). I was really surprised at this, especially because we had already had a very CLEAR discussion about taking things slow. I declined the invitation, and he said he was fine with that. He just needed me to confirm we were both on the same path to progress. When I asked him what he meant he stated he eventually wants to settle down and wanted to confirm that I could see myself doing that at some point, be it tomorrow or in 6 months....

Although I really like him, I am reconsidering dating him. He says he can go with the flow, yet he continues to make invitations for things (inviting my children, which have been clearly made off-limits at this early stage) although I have asked to take a step back. We have plans for this weekend which I have decided not to go. He asks alot of prying questions and wants to know what I am doing everyday.

I am concerned that even the very act of continuing to date him is going to give him to wrong impression. I have expressed the pressure I am beginning to feel and that it makes me uncomfortable. He says he will back up, yet still makes inappropriate invites and is asking my schedule...where I am, what am I doing... (as opposed to saying, if you are free Saturday I'd like to take you out...)

I feel I have made my effort in communicating my needs clearly. It seems like he won't take no for anwser. I am not sure what to do . How to you tell someone you like that you don't like them... This behavior is starting to push me away.
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
Please keep him away from the kids. You've been warned.
 
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