SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #1  December 14,2009, 3:56pm
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Over the weekend, in a place that will be left undisclosed, I heard a person define how he made his marriage last. He "got over himself". He started doing things for the other person without any thought of ever getting anything back in return. Over and over in these threads I see a common theme. People are stubborn! They either want to woo or be woo'd. They want to be labeled in a relationship, or think labels are ridiculous. Women want men to be the aggressors and men want women to be the aggressors. Being stubborn is not a completely bad thing, however how do we get to the point of getting over ourselves? How do we get to that point of doing things for that other person without expecting anything in return? Especially when it seems most of us are worried about being hurt because of basically jaded feelings about bad past relationships? Is there any compromise or are we fated to be in a forever standoff?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  December 14,2009, 4:02pm
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What's wrong with expecting something in return?

That's called fairness; it's how the world works (the parts of it that work right.)

I negotiate for what I want, and I deliver on my commitments. What else is there?
 
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qt_py is offline qt_py Post #3  December 14,2009, 4:09pm

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I must be smoking something different. All I see on these boards are very picky people complaining that they're single, that people who do not fit X, Y, Z are not good enough for them etc.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  December 14,2009, 4:12pm
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qt_py wrote :
I must be smoking something different.

Is it legal?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #5  December 14,2009, 4:15pm

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well said katie. relationships are definitley about compromise. Some are better at that than others....and some are better leaders than followers.

as long as the two can meet halfway somehow...but how often does it work that way?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  December 14,2009, 4:16pm
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qt_py wrote :
I must be smoking something different. All I see on these boards are very picky people complaining that they're single, that people who do not fit X, Y, Z are not good enough for them etc.
rotfl this has got to be the funniest thing i have seen in a looonnnggg time. we're just one big happy picky family
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  December 14,2009, 4:17pm
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i'm serious if only you knew i cannot stop laughing
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #8  December 14,2009, 4:17pm
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That's what I'm wondering. I see my parents with their marriage of 38ish years. It's amazing. They still love each other so much and do things for the other just because. Not because the other expects it, or they expect to get something out of it, just because they know the other will like it or it will make the other persons life that much easier. I wonder if that's even in existance anymore.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  December 14,2009, 4:23pm
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Nanette wrote :
i'm serious if only you knew i cannot stop laughing
OK, I'm snickering as well.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  December 14,2009, 4:26pm
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SweetKatieA wrote :
Over the weekend, in a place that will be left undisclosed, I heard a person define how he made his marriage last. He "got over himself". He started doing things for the other person without any thought of ever getting anything back in return. Over and over in these threads I see a common theme. People are stubborn! They either want to woo or be woo'd. They want to be labeled in a relationship, or think labels are ridiculous. Women want men to be the aggressors and men want women to be the aggressors. Being stubborn is not a completely bad thing, however how do we get to the point of getting over ourselves? How do we get to that point of doing things for that other person without expecting anything in return? Especially when it seems most of us are worried about being hurt because of basically jaded feelings about bad past relationships? Is there any compromise or are we fated to be in a forever standoff?
Good quote. How do you get to that point where you get over yourself? By putting someone else's needs before your own. And when two people in a relationship do this, it's something special.

And ya just got to let all those jaded feelings and bad past relationships go.
 
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