The Standoff...

I think in any relationship there are "givers" and "takers". It doesn't mean we don't change places sometimes. I always considered myself a "taker".

Our 5th anniversary was spent in Hawaii. A lavish trip, several islands, several weeks. We weren't going to buy each other gifts that year; the trip was our gift to our marriage. The morning of our anniversary, I woke up and my husband gave me a sapphire ring I'd seen and loved at our favorite jewelers' for several years. I had nothing for him, not even a card. Did I feel bad? Not for one minute! He wanted to give me something so special and not receive anything in return except my love. He planned that surprise because it pleased him to do so.

Many of you know he died a year ago. I used to give him these cards sometimes. Really sappy cards, the "How do I love you, let me count the ways" kind of card. As I go through things, every so often, I come across one of those cards.....in his underwear drawer, his desk drawer, his workbench out in the garage.....several places. He saved those sappy cards I gave him like they were a gift. They touched him, and he saved them.

When I gave him those cards, I didn't expect anything in return. Now, when I come across them, and realize why he saved them, they are his gift to me. I wish I had given him more. I hope I haven't found them all yet.

j8a

I was very fortunate in this way too, as my parents, each of them utterly inexperienced in every way, met at age 27 on a Sierra Club hike on a mountain, and married at age 29, ( a month apart in age!!) and their very happy marriage lasted 64 years;

When my dad died at the age of 92, my mother then died within ten days, of a broken heart ...of this I am absolutely sure..

They specified that their ashes were to be scattered over Lake Tahoe, but the plane had broken down when my father had died and it took over a week to repair it. On the advice of the airline service, I then had BOTH the sets of their ashes, scattered together at the same time, together in death... as in life.

I would love to end this way myself one day (sometimes the screen gets blurry around here)

~~~

A couple of things I remember,

Each morning before the day began, they would embrace and kiss in the kitchen, before the day began, and murmur "I love you" to each other --- up to the very ends of their lives


Each put concern of the other before their own, in equal measure

They NEVER raised their voice in anger and never struck one another. Not even ONE time.

Disagreements were settled by compromising and putting the other first. There was no "balance sheet". They were a perfect match for one another.



I would like to think, that their legacy to me of their love, is the very best thing I could offer,to someone, if I ever got married again. To be like that, if graced wih the chance.

It *can* work. They are proof positive it can...