I'm unable to infer signs.

Hey.

I have been interested in this girl I took a class with for about a year and a half now. We're still friendly on facebook and have discussed getting together (with a mutual classmate) for a while but nothing has materialized from it. Unfortunately this saga is much more complicated than that, so I will explain.

We took a summer film course together in 2008. A former classmate of mine (the aforementioned one) was also in the class. After about a class or two, we became pretty cliquey towards the rest of the class. (Not in a mean way, more of a gossip/silent mocking sort of way -- okay I guess that's mean.) I had been somewhat attracted to her, but had a girlfriend when this class began. (Alternate saga.)

I tend to show up pretty early for classes on this particular campus. Our second or third class, this girl missed -- which is a no-no in summer classes since there's so few of them. She also missed a quiz. I showed up for the next class (early) and saw she was there to make up the quiz. We had a while to talk and hit it off. Our mutual classmate also missed that class, which intensified our hitting it off. We began passing notes (seriously) and talking about likes/dislikes/etc -- normal stuff. The more I learned about her, the more I liked her.

Aside from this situation was the deteriorating relationship with my then-current girlfriend. We had been dating for nearly three years at that point, and had taken a break shortly before the class began. Shortly following the break was a (naturally) very complicated breakUP... which was hard, and also handled quietly for the sake of my niece/nephew and the shock to our families. We still hung out and acted normally, but it was just a feeling-out transition to friendship rather than a nasty fighting breakup. (Background: The break was a mutual decision, and it didn't fix anything. The breakup was brought up by me originally if the break didn't work. She suggested it after the break, but I guess I was the one who "pulled the trigger" on it.)

While these two situations look bad side-by-side, I would have broken up with my girlfriend if this girl classmate existed or not. I'll probably concede that having class with her probably softened the blow for me, but I don't think anything in the class influenced any decisions I made with my girlfriend.

So these situations obviously put me in a bad position in the class. I was attracted to this classmate, and I think she liked me back. Passing notes sounds kind of like it -- but I wasn't sure. (I never am.) We also would walk from class together, which at one point involved a hug. (At the time I probably didn't read into this as much as I should've.) I had developed a huge crush on her. However, I was unsure of how to handle my current girlfriend situation.

I had two choices: (1) Don't say anything and look like a "player" or a huge flirt if I'm discovered, or (2) mention my girlfriend and make things incredibly awkward for the rest of the semester if I had read her wrong. I could have laid out the entire breaking up situation to her, but that would again make things incredibly awkward (potentially).

While I was pondering which option to choose, she acted upon her facebook stalking and brought up my girlfriend to me (in a note, of course). I had suggested the three of us (her, the other classmate, and I) get together after the final class, and she asked how my girlfriend would feel about that. Needless to say, that didn't make me look too great. That get-together didn't take place. The semester ended somewhat awkwardly (though not as awkward as I expected it to) and class ended.

After the final class, I essentially confessed my feelings about her to our mutual classmate. She kept some close ties to her after the class, and they talked a bit (or so I heard). I friend'd her on facebook, and turned my attention back to my ex-girlfriend who everyone thought was my current girlfriend.

(Interesting side note: I said the mutual classmate was someone I had had a previous class with. I am pretty close with some of the people from that class, and we hang out sometimes. Shortly after the class ended I planned one of those get-togethers with them, and, through facebook, my crush expressed sadness that she wasn't a part of it. We invited her to it, but she didn't end up going to it. I read into that simply as somewhat of a reprieve -- or relief -- from my mishandled current girlfriend revelation.)

Eventually I officially cut ties with my ex in October 2008 (we haven't spoken since November of December of 2008 -- guess the friend thing didn't work out!) and focused on school. I wrote a makeshift apology about my mishandling to my crush over facebook (March 09) -- she replied basically confirming I handled it badly but not to sweat it. We both referred to the other as "pretty cool" and she said we were "only having fun." While relieved, I was pretty demoralized about the "only having fun" part. (She's the type of person who uses her facebook sparingly so you have to make use of the contact you get because you know she could flake out and stop paying attention at any point.)

Fast-forward to this summer. I've graduated and all that stuff. Even though by then it had been a year since that class, I still found myself regretting my mishandling of the situation. I also think it was a very bad situation of meeting someone at the worst possible time. Either way, I was still stuck on her. Very plainly, I messaged her and asked if she'd be interested if the mutual classmate and I had a get-together with our other class (the one she wasn't apart of). She said she would be -- nothing ever materialized for that class get-toether, though.

Dismayed by the lack of progress there, I threw a curveball. I sent a message that essentially said "no progress on this class thing... interested in getting together 1-on-1 too/instead?" No reply.

Fast-forward again. It's September 2009. I'm still dismayed. By now I've come to terms with my inability to get signs and read into inferred signals. I need it in black and white. I send yet another message. Without the sugar coating I added, it said:

-I hope this doesn't scare you off (not replying)
-My timing usually sucks when it comes to you, that goes without saying
-My 1-on-1 message -- I'm saying I want to get to know you better
-But it's not worth alienating you so I can drop it if you like
-(This part was heavily sugar-coated) I like you, but if there's no shot I'd rather be told outright so I can properly transition to being your friend because I have no problem with that but like you alot so it's worth taking this shot
-(I cringed a bit realizing I'm sending this to someone I haven't seen in 15 months, and I have barely spoken to in that time.)

She replied. She said was seeing someone back then (not sure when, but makes me feel better about the "we were just having fun" thing and the July unreplied message). I'm not ready right now to start seeing someone "that way" but I want to hang out. "I'd like to get to know you better" too. I'm busy right now with school/work -- but we'll figure something out. We'll facebook until then.

So I held back, talking a bit on facebook. I'm not sure how to gauge how long this time thing works, and I also don't want to impede on busy people in grad school AND working. Everyone is different when it comes to being ready to see someone after a breakup. For her it might be a long time, and for me... well, I developed a crush on her within two weeks of breaking up with my ex.

I'm not sure what to do now. Even through all of this note passing, hugging, facebooking, "want to get to know you better too" stuff, I'm still not sure she's even interested in me. Either I'm on point with that, or maybe (hopefully) you think I'm insane.

I think a lot of my apprehension has to do with being somewhat fixated on someone who I had my last exposure to such a long time ago -- it sounds kind of creepy I'd imagine. I'm afraid of a misstep because I feel she'd be a valuable friend that I'd rather not piss away by reading her wrong. At the same time... I'm obviously crushing on her pretty hard.

For a support structure, I have the mutual classmate of her and I, and another mutual friend who I've told this to. They've both been helpful, but I'm wary of giving them this whole spiel. I don't want them to think I'm using them for this, and I also feel kind of pathetic laying this entire situation out to them because it sounds nerdy and crazy. (At least this forum is somewhat anonymous.)

Am I insane? Am I creepy? Is she into me? Was she ever? What should I do? I'd love some feedback on this.

Mr_Right: I actually have been on a few dates between my breakup and right now. Three to be exact -- I haven't exactly been looking all that actively. The dates were casual, and nothing came of them. Three isn't five, nor is it a hundred, but I see the point of what you're saying. Back off, try other flavors, and see how I feel about her then.

This hasn't been a constant fixation on her... it's just a lingering one that I look back to every now and again. Right now I'm in an "again" stage. Thanks for your help.