Surgtech is offline Surgtech Post #1  November 22,2009, 8:24am
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Hi everyone! So I just went on a second date with a girl I met about a month ago and I have a few questions. I haven't noticed any flirting or much positive body language from her yet. She was holding better eye contact than the first date though. We hug goodbye, she says how great of a time she had and that I should call her to go out again.

On my end of it I have trouble keeping myself invested in the conversation. I work very early in the morning and am usually in bed by 900 so when it gets past 1100 I start to lose it a bit. This is also the first time I have gotten this far with traditional dating so my experience in what should be happening is very little. Im 25 and have never had a girlfriend except for a fling last summer. She is older than I am and divorced.

I really like her and Im pretty sure she likes me since she keeps wanting to go out. I don't want this to go the way of the dreaded "friend zone."
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #2  November 22,2009, 8:59am

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I think her saying she had a good time and wants to go out again is a good indication that she is interested in you.

I know people try to read body language and think it is a good gauge but I personally don't do that. One reason is because I am oblivious a lot of the time and don't really pay attention to the details like others do on a date. But the other reason is because sometimes it is not a good gauge.

I am a toucher so I tend to touch people when I talk to them. I do this with everyone and it is sometimes interpreted as interest when it is just how I communicate with people.

I would just continue on with the assumption that she is interested. If she isn't, you will know because she will stop being responsive to communications.

Good luck!
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #3  November 22,2009, 9:25am
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Surgtech wrote :
I really like her and Im pretty sure she likes me since she keeps wanting to go out. I don't want this to go the way of the dreaded "friend zone."
The best way to avoid the friend zone is to make it clear what you are interested in.

No need to be creepy or overly-aggressive with this.

All you have to do is go in for the good night kiss at the end of the next date. Not really too forward, but definitely shows your feelings on the relationship.

If she is into it she'll reciprocate. If she isn't you'll know there and then. Either way you avoid the friend zone.
 
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Surgtech is offline Surgtech Post #4  November 22,2009, 9:30am
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Thanks for the reply Lizzie. I definitely tend to over-analyze things. She says she wants to see me again, that means she wants to see me again. Simple as that. I told her how much I enjoyed spending time with her and she got a big grin on her face and said thank you. We have the same sense of humor, the same demeanor. She's a lot more talkative than I am. We both make each other crack up. Why am I worrying about it so much?
Shoop- that's probably the reason I haven't tried yet because of the possible instant rejection.
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #5  November 22,2009, 9:34am

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I don't think you are over-analyzing especially since women do have a tendency to say, yes we had a good time and will go out again when we have no intention of doing so.

But from what you posted in your original post and your other one, I would say she is definitely interested!!

Good luck!
 
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Surgtech is offline Surgtech Post #6  November 22,2009, 10:05am
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Yeah that line has been pulled on me one too many times. She hasn't not replied to me yet.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #7  November 22,2009, 12:49pm
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Surgtech wrote :
Shoop- that's probably the reason I haven't tried yet because of the possible instant rejection.
Would you prefer getting stuck in the friend zone or finding out that she isn't interested and having the chance to move?
 
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glyster is offline glyster Post #8  November 22,2009, 1:29pm
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I'm no dating expert, but on my current girlfriend, apparently I did many things right (she unintentionally told me why she was attracted to me). Remember all woman are different, so this is no silver bullet, but it worked for the kind of girl I like, you'll have to adjust to fit your personality.

First date, I pretty much treated her like a friend, I was easy going, didn't try to touch her (bonus, she told me some dates she had before, the guy was all over her and she never wanted to see him again). We had dinner and a movie. We talked about our background, I teased her a bit here and there. I'm not a comedian, and often people don't get my jokes, but she did (bonus points in my book for her). I gave her a hug when we meet, and give her another hug when we said good bye. I didn't say I was going to call her, and I just said I had fun and will talk to you soon.

I waited 36 hours (one and half days) before getting in touch with her. Apparently she was wondering if I would get in touch with her again. I asked her for another date on Saturday, but she said a friend just asked her to a party and she agreed. So I chat with her a bit then decided to ask her out on a Friday and she agreed (turned out she has bible study on Fridays but she skipped it to go out with me, I learned about this later). I wouldn't wait too long before asking her out for another date because she might think you are not interested and that can make her become less attracted to you especially if there are other guys asking her out.

After we arranged second date, I talk to her every other day to see how things are going and random stuff. I have a busy schedule so, it helps to keep her off my mind. Do go to gyms and work out, it helps to relieve stress. On second date (turned out to be another dinner and movie because she said she wanted to see that newly released movie that Friday on the first date). Again I was very comfortable with our conversations. She never initiated contacts other than walking very close to me. I used all opportunities to touch her back and lower back briefly (like while walking). I intentionally let there be short silences to see if it feels natural and whether she would try to start a conversation (this is important because you don't want to feel like you have to entertain her ALL the time). At the end of the second date I tried to give her a kiss. She turned her face so I kissed on her cheek, it's a surprise move on my part, but I kept the distance after kissing her and bid her good night. She had a smile on her face as she turned away and went in home.

I was still planning to wait another day before talking to her, but she called me in the evening the day after our second date. I was surprised and wasn't prepared. I answered the phone and she said, "I thought I would call you since it seems like you won't call me unless you are trying to schedule a date." I thought I was in trouble, but I told her that I'm not very good at having long conversations over the phone. Anyway, that phone call felt like eternity, I was praying she would just say good night and hang up the phone. Anyway, after some thoughts I felt that she wasn't sure how I was feeling about her, so I sent her an email and told her that I enjoyed my time spent with her and I thought she was beautiful, etc. but not too much. I implied that I like her but didn't say it clearly. I'm not trying to play games here, it's just the way I express my thoughts (somewhat indirect). The good thing is she picks up these hints. She replied my email the day after and asked me to not think too much about her phone call and she enjoyed my company as well and wish to see me again.

From there on we just continued talking/texting each other everyday, and I started to feel more natural about it. I answer her texts and ask about her days etc. Nothing heavy, I just teased her now and then. On our third date, at the end, I didn't kiss her, it just didn't feel right at the moment because I wasn't sure if I should push our relationship further. I think she was waiting for a kiss, but I didn't go for it. I could have but it probably wouldn't make a difference.

After talking to her more, I felt I want to move ahead between us, so I bought flowers for our 4th date. She happened to be sick that date, but she still wanted to see me. I went to her home and comforted her. I kissed her on the lip before I left. I sent a text to her after and told her I wanted to kiss her more. She replied and said I could in my dreams.

On our 5th date, we went walking on the beach, and we hugged and kissed (passionately). Later that date we made out and we couldn't keep our hands off each other... She told me that during first few dates she wasn't sure how I felt about her, and from her previous dates with other guys, they are always trying to contact her and talk to her, she can't figure out what's on my mind. Anyway...till next time, good luck.

Key points:
- be yourself, relax and be confident in yourself.
- be aware of her thoughts and feelings, notice what she says and does, be helpful and care for her.
- don't give her everything she wants, give her what she needs.
- chase her, but show your pride, you are a man who deserves respect.
- pay for the date, be generous.
- be flexible
- be ready to say no based on your principles if you disagree on certain things, and explain why.
- express your opinion as just that, an opinion, not the only thing that's right.
Last edited by glyster; November 22,2009 at 3:12pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  November 22,2009, 4:54pm
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Surgtech wrote :
So I just went on a second date with a girl I met about a month ago and I have a few questions. I haven't noticed any flirting or much positive body language from her yet. She was holding better eye contact than the first date though.
You admit to having no dating experience. So why are you so concerned with looking for things that may not really be that important anyway? Things that surely vary from person to person. Who told you to look for "flirting and positive body language" and "holding eye contact"? And just what is "positive body language" anyway, and if you are so inexperienced how would you recognize it?

Sounds like you've read one too many dating books. Maybe you should just relax and enjoy this person's company, and not look for items to check off on a list.

Lastly, if you find yourself losing interest in conversation anyway, why do you seem to be ignoring that most obvious of all signs?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  November 23,2009, 6:21am
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LizziePooh wrote :
I think her saying she had a good time and wants to go out again is a good indication that she is interested in you.

I know people try to read body language and think it is a good gauge but I personally don't do that. One reason is because I am oblivious a lot of the time and don't really pay attention to the details like others do on a date. But the other reason is because sometimes it is not a good gauge.

I am a toucher so I tend to touch people when I talk to them. I do this with everyone and it is sometimes interpreted as interest when it is just how I communicate with people.

I would just continue on with the assumption that she is interested. If she isn't, you will know because she will stop being responsive to communications.

Good luck!
Without reference to this particular thread, I keep seeing this same statement from a lot of people, in particular a lot of the ladies.

I have never had a girl end a first date without saying how great a time she had and saying that she would like to go out again. However, I have rarely had any of them ever respond back when I try to set up the second date. In my memory (which may be faulty) I can only recall two that actually replied back that they did not want to go out again. The rest just poofed. And before D_Lion goes off about how he always sets up a second date before the end of the first, I have only had one girl that would do that.

So what you girls say at the end of a date don't mean squat!
 
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