Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #41  November 23,2009, 3:43am

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olrowe wrote :
I do some kind of background check on anyone that I am interested in and I ask lots of questions as a cross reference for what I was previously told. I even ask to see ID to see if you are who you say you are. It can be done without "poofing" off someone. Its in the "how" you do it. Its not about whether you are married . . . it is knowing if you are who you say you are and that I am going out with a criminal or someone who has a record of assaulting people etc.
Although I don't doubt there are men that can be attracted that would not "poof" because of your behavior I would have to say that the fact they don't "poof" is the most damaging evidence of their instability.

Asking for an ID shows a huge lack of confidence in one's own judgment. It also shows a person unable to trust. I am not saying this is you but this is what that behavior shows another person.

If someone asked me for an ID I would tell them to get professional help. Actually not true, a person who would ask for an ID would never even get a first date.

I don't understand your comments on phone calls either. I am not sure who you are dating but the gentleman I have dated run businesses and one advises a city. I can't imagine saying oh sorry sweetie your business can go in the toilet, I am more important. More than that kids call, you know, those little creatures we are responsible for.
 
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BruceLeroy is offline BruceLeroy Post #42  November 25,2009, 4:14pm
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As far as the elusiveness thing, if you would like a specific answer, just ask a specific question or expand on a question you already asked. You ask him how his day was and he said it was "good." Go ahead and ask him what he did that day. Doesn't make you weird; you're just interested in what he did.

On the weekend thing, like others have said, he may have already had plans and so you shouldn't concern yourself with all that he's doing on the weekend. If you want to hang out with on the weekend, bring it up to him. Be direct without sounding mean.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #43  November 25,2009, 4:49pm
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jayjay wrote :
He may very well be out on dates with other women at these times and he may prefer being 'elusive' rather than telling you this explicitly. Leave it alone.
This was the case with me back in the day. Saying that you're actively dating others isn't the best policy. "Oh, I was out with so and so from Match last weekend, that's why I didn't pick up."
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #44  November 25,2009, 4:54pm
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olrowe wrote :
I even ask to see ID to see if you are who you say you are.

I check to make sure you have not the STD.

Personally.
 
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iamac is offline iamac Post #45  November 25,2009, 5:30pm
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Well, you could be gone when he called. If he asks you were you were, just simply say..."out"... in a nice way, (sort of like he does). If he cares-he'll ask, and he might get the message without you having to bring it up. If he doesn't ask/care...go out and have fun with someone else.
 
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meanminicooper is online now meanminicooper Post #46  November 27,2009, 6:24pm
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BikerBeagle wrote :
It's only been 3 dates / 3 weeks.

I think it's safe to assume that he's seeing someone else ...which is still his right to do at this point ...probably someone he met before you. I'm not sure you are "backup girl", but certainly #2 in his life ...you have to get used to it.

The problem I see here is that you are getting too attached to him too quickly. You should be out dating other people too ...not necessarily out of revenge, but to avoid "one-itis" - that's a bad thing.

Let him know you are interested in seeing him, but if he can't make a date for a weekend (for whatever reason), then you need to find something else to do.

"Don't make someone a priority who is willing to make you an option"
...Or he could just be introverted and not enjoy small talk. I could have had an insane day at work that i'd rather forget but if my S/O asked me how today was I would say "ok, I guess - uneventful"

Some guys just dont like to gab. At 3 weeks you shouldn't see anything as cheating unless both of you have agreed to be exclusive.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #47  November 27,2009, 6:33pm
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jens84 wrote :
Hello all...newbie here. My friend raves about the great advice she has received so I figured I'd post...

Before I get into my question, I'll just give some background. I've been seeing this one guy for only about 3 weeks. We've gone on 3 dates so far and talk about every other day on the phone. Overall, I think things are going great and we both are interested in each other so far.

I'm struggling with the fact that there seems to be some elusiveness on his part. For example, if I ask how his night was or weekend, he gives a very general comment such as, "it was good" or "it was uneventful", but doesn't get into details. And I realize he doesn't own me any at this point but I've dated other guys who have given specifics such as "oh it was good, I had boxing tonight etc".

He's also pretty elusive about his weekend plans and I never hear from him over the weekends. I know we've only been dating for 3 weeks however something about this isn't sitting right with me.

Is being elusive about plans just par for the course when it comes to dating? And aside from the secrecy of the whole situation, I don't want to date someone that isn't going to take me out on the weekend.

I'm thinking I need to talk about this with him the next time we get together and am wondering what you all think. Do you think it's too soon to address this or is it better to bring this up now instead of wasting my time on him if we aren't on the same page. And what do you think I should say?

Any advice is appreciated! Thx!
I'm not against multi-dating but in this case since you are not seeing him on the weekend I would keep in mind that there is someone else that he is probably more interested in than you.

I personally would not continue to date a guy that did not see me on a Saturday after three dates. Definitely do not confront him or say anything even mildly confrontational or at all. Just make sure that he asks you out for a Saturday next time by saying you aren't available on any other night that he asks for. If he doesn't ask for Saturday, I would move on no matter how interested you are in him.
Last edited by Nanette; November 27,2009 at 6:35pm.
 
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barry6386 is offline barry6386 Post #48  December 1,2009, 10:13am
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It's only natural to think he's out with someone else but until you talk about it you don't know that for a fact.

If you're comfortable with this then when you ask about it just say (something like) How was your weekend and if you get the usual vague answer and you really want to know (and be honest with yourself) then put him at ease by smiling and just say. If you are uncomfortable telling me you were with someone else don't worry, at this point I'm OK with that. Then see what he says.

In my opinion we ALL joined eH to find someone who's best for you. I think he's simply figuring that out for himself. If he's like me he won't be able to to that fairly (to either of you) on just a few dates. It will certainly put him at ease if he knows he doesn't need to be elusive about his disappearances.
 
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