Need some advice please...


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Allegro is offline Allegro Post #21  November 21,2009, 10:33am
Allegro's Avatar

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #22  November 21,2009, 10:53am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,901

See profile

jens84 wrote :
Nightling-I'm not saying I have a right to know what he's doing on the weekend. I'm just saying I would like to spend time with him on the weekend as opposed to our weeknight dates thus far. We live far from one another and between work and the distance, seeing one another on the weekend would allow more time to get to know one another without the rush and pressure or "squeezing" each other in during the week.

For the first few dates, I think the week night was fine but being that we've both expressed interest in one another, I see the weekend date as a natural progression to allow more time together.

In addition, the elusiveness is also raising suspicion on my end. I don't feel I am being nosy as much as I feel I am looking out for my best interest.
Asking for more time on the weekend is fine. You can always invite.

It just seemed more to me that you were expecting to know who he is seeing and if he is seeing anyone else. If he is married, that's one thing. But if he's single and not yet exclusive with you — and why should he be after only 3 weeks — that's another.

I personally would see your probing questions about my weekend as a little nosy this early in the game. Knowing the whereabouts of a person when not with you implies an obligation that to me isn't earned within so little time.
 
  Reply With Quote
engineeringcadd is offline engineeringcadd Post #23  November 21,2009, 11:23am
engineeringca…'s Avatar

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I am having the same problems as you are. Seems every girl (and guy) around is going through the same thing. There's so many that are not trusting each other and has other 'friends' they go out with besides you. It is a very hard and cold world now. If you care about this guy and want it to work, give him enough space to let him come to you.......or hang himself cause he is only using you when he doesn't have the other cause she is with whomever else at the time. Just be with him for a good time as he is being with you for only a good time. DON'T pay for anything or let him use you! If he is not using you, you will be using him, but only in a good way....to be with him cause you like him (or maybe even love him). Guys like to use girls as much as they can in as many ways as they can. If you are not using them, they are using you. Just enjoy going out and have fun. Also, the weekends you are not with him, enjoy them with other friends, I'm sure that is exactly what he is doing. Go out dancing with the girls, God forbid you meet a stable, handsome, sexy guy that will take you off your feet and want to spend every moment of the day with you of every day of the week. If you want to know if this is the "RIGHT" guy? The guy will call all the time, text you, and want to see you almost daily and definitely every weekend. He will be afraid someone else will try to get you, or that he just wants to be around you. Take if from me, I know! Good Luck and just enjoy Life. Don't look for Mr. Right, he will come when the time is right. If you look for him, you will end up with Mr. Wrong.
 
  Reply With Quote
jens84 is offline jens84 Post #24  November 21,2009, 7:04pm
jens84's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 20

See profile

Does this entire picture paint someone that is either playing games or not too interested? Although, on our dates he seems VERY interested...his behavior in between dates is showing me something different.
Last edited by jens84; November 22,2009 at 7:50pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #25  November 21,2009, 7:34pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

Harvey7 wrote :
I think that you captured the essence of the posts!
"thinking my god she is dating my son. Never can get a full sentence out of that boy." The problem is that he is a boy and she looking for a responsive young man.

Harvey7.
Well he is 21 so hardly a boy unless you happen to be his mom. You do bring up a good point though, even my son will open up if he enjoys the conversation.
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #26  November 21,2009, 7:59pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

I think Jenn there just comes a point where you just kind have to let go and let happen. You have made yourself available to him and now it is up to him to step up if he wants to.

He may just not be that interested - you bringing it up is not going to change that.

I would just see what happens when he calls.
 
  Reply With Quote
SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #27  November 21,2009, 8:07pm
SierraMountai…'s Avatar

The Doctor just called. Your test results are in.

Power Poster

Joined: Apr 2008

California, but NORTHERN California

Posts: 6,025

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Now the no dates on the weekend is a bit of a red flag to me. Particularly given the excuses that he is giving. This is signaling to me that he may already be married.
Good grief,


FINALLY after almost 3 pages, the obvious gets stated.

Sounds like a would-be (or actual) married cheater is what you got here on your hands.

Itis hard to make someone prove the negative, but he needs to PROVE he is NOT married.
Sorry.
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #28  November 21,2009, 8:09pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

What? Good grief - the guy is probably not married.
 
  Reply With Quote
jens84 is offline jens84 Post #29  November 21,2009, 8:12pm
jens84's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 20

See profile

When he calls which I'm positive will be tomorrow he is just going to ask when I want to get together again.

I haven't made myself available for him however it's easy to appear that way because readers are seeing things from only my perspective. As far as he knows, he has no idea what I did this weekend or with whom. When we make plans we talk about both of our availabilities and there have been times I wasn't available. I'm just trying to keep emotion out of this and look at only the facts as they seem to appear from my perspective.

I realize talking about it with him isn't going to make him interested if he is not. I'm just trying to make sure I am seeing the whole picture and not making decisions that are only emotionally based (i.e just being too jaded). I'm not trying to convince him to be interested. They say you teach someone how to treat you so...I don't want to be "teaching" the wrong thing if that might be the case.
 
  Reply With Quote
jens84 is offline jens84 Post #30  November 21,2009, 8:17pm
jens84's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 20

See profile

6dle899 wrote :
Good grief,


FINALLY after almost 3 pages, the obvious gets stated.

Sounds like a would-be (or actual) married cheater is what you got here on your hands.

Itis hard to make someone prove the negative, but he needs to PROVE he is NOT married.
Sorry.
Seriously?! Geez...who knows anymore these days. Well I have been to his house. However, it's not so far fetched to think this is a corporate house of some sort and wherever he is going every weekend is where he actually lives. Is there a way to actually have him prove this? I honestly don't know. And I'm not about to pay for a background check over this guy.
Last edited by jens84; November 22,2009 at 7:51pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Age Difference & Starting a Family | Dating | should your sexual past matter? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Welcome and Tips for eHarmony Advice Newbies! eHA_Admin_Lori Talk to your Community Team 10 February 9,2012 1:07pm
Free Communication Weekend: Advice for Visitors Robert_inSD Using eHarmony 12 April 9,2010 10:05pm
New Discussion Board System for eHarmony Advice! eharmony Dating 172 July 17,2009 11:02pm
Are you NEW to eHarmony Advice? Welcome! PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING! eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Dating 0 April 16,2009 11:39am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion

“Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Received lovely email from former poofer” discussion

“How about phone calls, then?” –  barbarella_42

Join the “Advice on Response time” discussion

“I have never spoken to a woman like he has. Yeah, I have never spoken to a woman like that either. It is a hard call to whether he is just as jerk, or whether he is a player. Both are feasible ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “So, men. Explain this to me, please!” discussion

“I have come to this same conclusion. Thank you.” –  bibittyboo

Join the “Confused about date #2” discussion

“Harmonygirl, I do not usually make up my mind on blanket situations but instead would examine each one on it's own merits, so I cannot answer your question. However, just in the going about of daily ... ” –  Ephemera

Join the “Atheism, Religion and Tolerance” discussion

“I was ok until the kiss on the cheek part....That doesn't sound like your defenses were up at all... It's one thing for a guy to walk up and start with the cheesy lines....But as soon as I say, "no ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “So this guy walks into a bar . . .” discussion

“ No. It is not wise. You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules. You might lose ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Becoming Exclusive” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:45pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0