So am I out of line here or what?

I met a lady online here about two months ago and we went out on a few dates. We chatted daily and got pretty close. She was going through a divorce (it was finalized while we were together), but that was OK with me--it was over for years anyway.

So we were close and I developed some real feelings for her. Then the divorce went through and she got all freaked out and pulled way back. I kept trying to make dates with her, then her kids got sick, then she got sick, then she got sick again, then her job got crazy. So she basically said she has a lot going on and didn't have room for a boyfriend, but that there was "potential" there. She was honest from the start about that.

Last week she and I had tentative plans to go to dinner, but again, she got the flu. I called Saturday and offered to bring her some food and she said something akin to, "it's too much work trying to date you, all I can offer is friendship." I responded the only way I could--saying that was fine, that I cared about her and that if she wanted more, she knew where to find me.

I was crushed, but not really surprised. I didn't expect to develop such strong feelings for her, but I did. She dumped all her divorce baggage on me and I listened. She invited me over to meet her kids and did all the things that suggested a relationship was possible.

So Thursday my buddy with whom she works calls and invites me to a football party on Saturday. Today, she calls him, having heard about the party, and invites herself, her kids, and some other guy she knows from way back who is "a friend." She sends me an E-mail to let me know she'll be there with kids and this other guy and that she hopes she and I can be friends like this guy and she are.

So here I am with a raw wound from a woman I care very much about kind of dumping me, but she just invites herself into my life through my friends and brings another guy along, too?!? She doesn't have time for me, but she has time for this? I'm too much work as a single guy with no kids who is attentive and just wants to treat her well?!?

I'm not sure if I should be pissed off. I am, but is this "I'm only being honest and friendship is all I'm offering" legitimate armor against hurting me? I don't think so. Even if she wasn't bringing another guy, I don't know that I'm ready to spend platonic time with her after being "dumped" a week ago. However, I suppose this demonstrates that I was much more attached to her than she was to me. That hurts, too.

So what the hell? Thoughts?

When one is going through a divorce they should not begin dating in less than a full year after the divorce is final. Period. It may take even longer before they are ready to begin anew.

The same advice would apply to someone who is thinking of dating a recently divorced person.

As far as the party, I would tell my friend that I will not be attending. If he asks I would be quite upfront about the reason. But then I am that kind of guy.

I over-analyze everything, from her not calling/texting/E-mailing, to whether I should have sent flowers after she finished a particularly rough day, or whether I'm becoming "trying too hard guy" by planning great dates. For instance, she's had a hard week, and I sent her flowers today because of a victory she scored yesterday. For the past 10 days or so, however, she has simply been downloading all her baggage on to me, and now I'm worried that I'm moving over into the friend pile instead of the lover pile, and that between flowers and a whole-day date planned for Saturday, I might be trying too hard. I don't just want to be her buddy, you know?