So am I out of line here or what?


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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #31  November 20,2009, 4:57pm

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indigirl1975 wrote :
In this case though he said she was dumping on him. If she had been mourning it and was ready, she would of not unloaded that on him.

Some people may be ready, I just feel this woman was not...with him anyways,
I agree. I feel it is difficult but nothing is black and white.
 
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Uniquecorn is offline Uniquecorn Post #32  November 20,2009, 5:04pm
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That isnt how a friend behaves. You seem worth a but more than that. next you'll be fixing her car so she can pick up another guy. Hard as it is, back away from her. Then she will want you back in her life but it isnt a good deal.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #33  November 20,2009, 5:07pm
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I agree and I really did not mean to take anything away from the OP on this thread. Sorry. It's just that some of the comments were getting a little mean about divorcees. "Selfish, self-centered" etc.

OP, I wish you luck. Don't avoid going to fun functions just because she is going to be there. You have a right to be there and to have fun. So, I know it will be hard, but try to enjoy yourself. I definitely would not confront her about anything there. There is a certain place and time for everything. Hopefully, you will have many friends there that will occupy your time.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #34  November 20,2009, 5:27pm

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You are hurt because she does not feel the same way about you that you do about her. Can't make someone feel something they don't and can't make them into the bad guy either. It is what it is.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #35  November 20,2009, 10:11pm
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Seuss wrote :
I met a lady online here about two months ago and we went out on a few dates. We chatted daily and got pretty close. She was going through a divorce (it was finalized while we were together), but that was OK with me--it was over for years anyway.

So we were close and I developed some real feelings for her. Then the divorce went through and she got all freaked out and pulled way back. I kept trying to make dates with her, then her kids got sick, then she got sick, then she got sick again, then her job got crazy. So she basically said she has a lot going on and didn't have room for a boyfriend, but that there was "potential" there. She was honest from the start about that.

Last week she and I had tentative plans to go to dinner, but again, she got the flu. I called Saturday and offered to bring her some food and she said something akin to, "it's too much work trying to date you, all I can offer is friendship." I responded the only way I could--saying that was fine, that I cared about her and that if she wanted more, she knew where to find me.

I was crushed, but not really surprised. I didn't expect to develop such strong feelings for her, but I did. She dumped all her divorce baggage on me and I listened. She invited me over to meet her kids and did all the things that suggested a relationship was possible.

So Thursday my buddy with whom she works calls and invites me to a football party on Saturday. Today, she calls him, having heard about the party, and invites herself, her kids, and some other guy she knows from way back who is "a friend." She sends me an E-mail to let me know she'll be there with kids and this other guy and that she hopes she and I can be friends like this guy and she are.

So here I am with a raw wound from a woman I care very much about kind of dumping me, but she just invites herself into my life through my friends and brings another guy along, too?!? She doesn't have time for me, but she has time for this? I'm too much work as a single guy with no kids who is attentive and just wants to treat her well?!?

I'm not sure if I should be pissed off. I am, but is this "I'm only being honest and friendship is all I'm offering" legitimate armor against hurting me? I don't think so. Even if she wasn't bringing another guy, I don't know that I'm ready to spend platonic time with her after being "dumped" a week ago. However, I suppose this demonstrates that I was much more attached to her than she was to me. That hurts, too.

So what the hell? Thoughts?
First thought is for you to wish this girl the best of luck, and then start actively dating again. Sometimes, one person isn't "feeling it" in the relationship, and even though it's tough, you have to respect that.

So let this one go, don't hang out with her for at least 3 months, and start seriously dating. Go out, flirt with women, go to singles events, speed dating, online dating, etc.

Plus with her going through a divorce, she's not really ready for a relationship, and you deserve someone who is ready.
 
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