Does a woman's financial well being, profession, and wage matter to the men?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  November 19,2009, 1:31pm
my5cents's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

California

Posts: 655

See profile

I have recently gone on a few dates with men that I have met online. During the first "meet and greet" I have gotten what I would deem inappropriate questions to ask when first meeting a person. Some of these questions have been: Do you have any debt? Do you have savings? When do you think you'll look for a job in a more stable industry? How many hours per week do you work?

While I've answered these questions honestly, it has made me wonder why they ask. I am by no means a gold digger, I have a career that I love, and while I'm not rolling in the dough I am able to afford some of the finer things in life -debt free. Are they afraid that I'll mooch off them, or are they just so stingy they don't even want to think of ever having to support a woman - the thought of "my money is my money and her money is her money?" I'm a fairly generous woman and I enjoy giving to those who I care about. If ever I was with a man who I cared about who needed to rely on me to support him, I'd be there. No questions. I also want a man who feels the same way, but it seems that with some men they may not feel the same way.

I feel that the first meet and greet should be more about how two people get along, if there is chemistry, and if the two people like each other's company. It could be me but it seems that in a way online dating gets to the nitty gritty in the profile, so the man in my case feels free to continue the check off list during the 1st date/meet n' greet.

The one date I had recently who I didn't meet online did not ask about my financial status. We covered jobs briefly, hobbies, travel, the great outdoors, and it was absolutely refreshing.

So a question to the men since I've noticed on some profiles on other sites that it's important that a woman makes a certain wage, etc.: Does it matter to you men what a woman does for her profession, that she make a certain amount, that she work a certain amount of hours per week, and that financially you'll never have to help her out?
 
  Reply With Quote
Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  November 19,2009, 2:13pm
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 626

See profile

To me it does not really matter what a womans job or career is, nor if she has a house, saving, big retirement fund or much else for that matter.

What matters is who she is as a person and how well we communicate. Respect and some good chemistry goes a lot further than any paycheck ever will. Just my humble opinion.
 
  Reply With Quote
notyet is offline notyet Post #3  November 19,2009, 2:19pm
notyet's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 5,237

See profile

it is unfortunate that you have gone out with a few men who seem to have no tact. i would certainly not be so blunt or up front.

but to your question- it is important to me that a lady be gainfully employed and be able to demonstrate independence.
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  November 19,2009, 2:20pm
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile

So long as she makes an honest living and knows how to take care of herself, I don't care what her job is or how much she makes.
 
  Reply With Quote
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #5  November 19,2009, 2:20pm
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,077

See profile

Personally, I wouldn't answer those questions.

My family doesn't even know that information in much detail.

A virtual stranger certainly isn't going to know it.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  November 19,2009, 2:26pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,146

See profile

This goes both ways where both sexes will ask questions on financial situations because it is part of the relationship if it becomes something.

On the second or first date its not important to bring it up out of the blue but it can come up as part of the conversation. Each will ask about your job and if you said you were unemployed or worked in a low payoing job that may raise follow-up questions.

Personally it is an issue with who I date because of my experience with my ex-wife regarding her not working which caused a financial strain. I wasnt expecting her to make an exorbanent amopunt of money but at least earning some money and contributing her part. No her job wasnt for her personal savings.

I believe in total equity in a relationship.
I also would not at all be offended if she made more than me because of her career choice as opposed to mine.
 
  Reply With Quote
my5cents is offline my5cents Post #7  November 19,2009, 2:28pm
my5cents's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

California

Posts: 655

See profile

bigfincat wrote :
Personally, I wouldn't answer those questions.

My family doesn't even know that information in much detail.

A virtual stranger certainly isn't going to know it.
On my last date I almost stopped the date and wanted to ask, "Why does it matter to you so much?" I did not because I didn't want to make the date more awkward. I guess I'm a little too nice and try to be really polite. Some of my friends ask why I don't ask these questions back to the men, and I can only say, "Because it's rude!"
 
  Reply With Quote
SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #8  November 19,2009, 2:29pm
SierraMountai…'s Avatar

The Doctor just called. Your test results are in.

Power Poster

Joined: Apr 2008

California, but NORTHERN California

Posts: 6,025

See profile

I go to Los Angeles all the time, and I have never seen such a plethora of hot looking beautiful women there, and so sexily dressed all the time, a lot of them trying like crazy to get into the entertainment business. As actresses, directors, screenwriters, publicists, post-production, music, you name it -- whatever.....

But they are mostly all screwed up, drugs, alcohol, lotsa divorces, walking petri dishes of STD's --- whatever.

Guess what:

MEN screwed most of them up.


I'll take a pass on all that. It is a real scene!!


Even though they mostly drive newish Mercedes Benzes. A "Beverly Hills Volkswagen" is what they are called, around the West side, and it means nothing about good taste.

It's all too surreal: "just another day, in Hollywood; just another night, up in the Canyon..." (Laurel Canyon presumably...) "Counting Crows" nailed it, well.


Maybe I'd be better off in Kansas. I dunno...
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  November 19,2009, 3:38pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,743

See profile

Financial situation and choices are some of the best criteria to use in selecting a partner; they are some the most important to survival of a relationship. Probably you are comfortable disclosing your religion, status of children, etc, on your profile. Money goes right to the heart of how we live, why we live as we do, what our “norm” for connectedness to society is, what our future may be expected to encompass. Also, it customarily defines our role in our relationships. These are very substantial matters, best evaluated as soon as possible.

These questions are especially appropriate if you not appear to have a clear job, are different from other people, or imprecise / vague in your answers to common questions. This could include driving a very nice or decrepit car, where you try to go on your dates, how you speak about your life (bemoaning costs, etc.)

***

I think these questions are right. While I get them very often from women, so long as she answers them in return, it does not bother me. I agree with screening partners before investing months / years, or potentially being emotionally attached to someone who is ultimately not a suitable partner.

Are they afraid that I'll mooch off them, or are they just so stingy they don't even want to think of ever having to support a woman - the thought of "my money is my money and her money is her money?"

[B]
Last edited by D_Lion; November 19,2009 at 3:42pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #10  November 19,2009, 3:43pm
shoopthedoop's Avatar

is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Edmonton

Posts: 915

See profile

my5cents wrote :
I feel that the first meet and greet should be more about how two people get along, if there is chemistry, and if the two people like each other's company. It could be me but it seems that in a way online dating gets to the nitty gritty in the profile, so the man in my case feels free to continue the check off list during the 1st date/meet n' greet.

The one date I had recently who I didn't meet online did not ask about my financial status. We covered jobs briefly, hobbies, travel, the great outdoors, and it was absolutely refreshing.

So a question to the men since I've noticed on some profiles on other sites that it's important that a woman makes a certain wage, etc.: Does it matter to you men what a woman does for her profession, that she make a certain amount, that she work a certain amount of hours per week, and that financially you'll never have to help her out?
I completely agree with your approach to the first meeting. Sadly, it's not just men who continue the check off list when meeting IRL.

I do consider what the woman does for a living as an element of compatibility in terms of ambition, commitment to work, intellectual curiosity, work schedule, etc.

For example, I work relatively regular hours and have found it difficult to be involved with someone who works shifts.

Income is not as important as financial responsibility. I went on a date with a woman who claimed to make $100K plus (no I didn't ask), who was clearly not financially responsible. Give me someone making half that who lives within their means anytime.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« always so paranoid | Dating | Taking profile off is the same as just not logging on? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:56am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0