wilky is offline wilky Post #81  November 21,2009, 8:07am
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Since we went out two weeks ago I have attempted one call that went straight to voice mail. I did receive a somewhat upbeat e-mail in return that apologized for missing my call and explained to me that she was going to be extremely busy at work for a few days but after
Tuesday (11/8) we would catch up. I responded to her e-mail...nothing deep or relationship oriented...basically I look forward to hearing from you. Sunday I sent a text saying I hope she had a good weekend and got to enjoy the sun a little bit (we were slammed with the nor'easter for 4 days)...no response. This Wednesday I sent an e-mail asking if things went well with the proposals at work because her last made her sound like she was stressed over it...no response.

I am one of the most patient people in the world and I have no problem taking things slow at all. I just don't want to be contacting and bothering her if she really isn't interested. I'm a big boy, let me know and I'll step away. I'm not going to go run and hide and pine away...I know far too well you can't force something. Heck, I stepped away from a relationship last year after 8 months when I finally realized that I was never going to get past the fact that I will only ever "like" the woman. She is a great person...a doctor no less but it wasn't fair to her or me so I ended it.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #82  November 21,2009, 8:26am
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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jayjay wrote :
What do you think of my taking the 'week off' I previously described with the woman I've seen the last few weeks?
I was honestly not sure how she would take that. You don't seem to know her point of view well enough to guess how she'll respond, so I thought relying on the brother in law's advice seemed wise. He knows her better than you.

If it were me ... I'd see that hiatus as in and out, hot and cold, and I'd feel it was a player tactic. I would not like it.

I think your success in this match is going to depend entirely on how well you do at getting her to communicate her expectations. The more you can get her to talk about anything at all, the better you will understand her and the better able you'll be to navigate not only her cultural expectations, but the idealistic/unrealistic expectations that come with youth.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #83  November 21,2009, 8:49am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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wilky wrote :
Since we went out two weeks ago I have attempted one call that went straight to voice mail. I did receive a somewhat upbeat e-mail in return that apologized for missing my call and explained to me that she was going to be extremely busy at work for a few days but after
Tuesday (11/8) we would catch up. I responded to her e-mail...nothing deep or relationship oriented...basically I look forward to hearing from you. Sunday I sent a text saying I hope she had a good weekend and got to enjoy the sun a little bit (we were slammed with the nor'easter for 4 days)...no response. This Wednesday I sent an e-mail asking if things went well with the proposals at work because her last made her sound like she was stressed over it...no response.

I am one of the most patient people in the world and I have no problem taking things slow at all. I just don't want to be contacting and bothering her if she really isn't interested. I'm a big boy, let me know and I'll step away. I'm not going to go run and hide and pine away...I know far too well you can't force something. Heck, I stepped away from a relationship last year after 8 months when I finally realized that I was never going to get past the fact that I will only ever "like" the woman. She is a great person...a doctor no less but it wasn't fair to her or me so I ended it.
Honestly....her (lack of) response, in light of the fact that she's only recently gotten out of an abusive relationship make me think the chances of things working out for you with her to be pretty small. Hope I'm wrong though.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #84  November 21,2009, 9:28am

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I did not read through the whole thread, JayJay so forgive me. (I have no excuse - I have all the time in the world today - just lazy!!)

I did see the now infamous photo you had up and it did seem like you guys were cozy so I am puzzled by your friend's comment that she was mad that you tried to kiss her on the cheek.

That seems a little inconsistent to me.

I am not sure - she may just not be that into you which is a bummer since you are feeling the opposite and it is rare for you.

I think you should probably play it a little cool for now and see if she seems to reach out more for you. If she doesn't, then I guess you have your answer.

If she does, then I don't know where that leaves you. I would not want to be with someone that is inconsistent like that - is aloof when you are there and seems interested when you pull back.

I am assuming there is a big age gap between you - maybe she just is not in a place where she wants to date with a commitment in mind.

PS: Not that I don't think you men pick up on the right things in conversations (lol!) but if you get a chance to talk to your friend's wife and not your friend, I would do that. Maybe there was other stuff mentioned in the convo with your friend and his wife about it and all he got from it was that the kiss on the cheek was a bad move. lol!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #85  November 21,2009, 10:17am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LizziePooh wrote :
I did not read through the whole thread, JayJay so forgive me. (I have no excuse - I have all the time in the world today - just lazy!!)

I did see the now infamous photo you had up and it did seem like you guys were cozy so I am puzzled by your friend's comment that she was mad that you tried to kiss her on the cheek.

That seems a little inconsistent to me.

I am not sure - she may just not be that into you which is a bummer since you are feeling the opposite and it is rare for you.

I think you should probably play it a little cool for now and see if she seems to reach out more for you. If she doesn't, then I guess you have your answer.

If she does, then I don't know where that leaves you. I would not want to be with someone that is inconsistent like that - is aloof when you are there and seems interested when you pull back.

I am assuming there is a big age gap between you - maybe she just is not in a place where she wants to date with a commitment in mind.

PS: Not that I don't think you men pick up on the right things in conversations (lol!) but if you get a chance to talk to your friend's wife and not your friend, I would do that. Maybe there was other stuff mentioned in the convo with your friend and his wife about it and all he got from it was that the kiss on the cheek was a bad move. lol!
The sisters are all pretty affectionate...hugging, hanging on my shoulder etc. I gather that for them that's something much less intimate than kissing. I did talk to my friend's wife once, might possibly see the two of them somewhere tonight, and will see her on Thanksgiving. All the info my friend gets comes via his wife...and apparently the triplets tell each other Everything. Also, btw she wasn't angry that I tried to kiss her on the cheek....I wanted to kiss her on the lips and she let me kiss her on the cheek.

Part of the difficulty for me is interpreting if/how much she's into me. I can generally read signs from women....but would have no idea that in her case asking me when I was going to come back was a big sign of interest....or that my initially telling her that I wouldn't be able to come back the following week but could come in two weeks would make her think I was blowing her off. If nothing else...my taking some time off from the communication and seeing her this weekend is letting me feel a little more relaxed mentally and emotionally.

P.S. Now why would you assume there's a big age difference? lol.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #86  November 21,2009, 10:28am

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lol!

I would speak with the sister when you get a chance.

Good luck, JayJay.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #87  November 21,2009, 10:33am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LizziePooh wrote :
lol!

I would speak with the sister when you get a chance.

Good luck, JayJay.
Thanks. Actually, it does seem that the other sisters are much more open and less guarded in their communication with me.....but likely that's simply due to the fact that there's no possibility of a romantic relationship with them. I actually feel closer to the other sisters than I do to the one I'm interested in.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #88  November 21,2009, 10:35am

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jayjay wrote :
Thanks. Actually, it does seem that the other sisters are much more open and less guarded in their communication with me.....but likely that's simply due to the fact that there's no possibility of a romantic relationship with them. I actually feel closer to the other sisters than I do to the one I'm interested in.
lol! Ya' think??
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #89  November 21,2009, 10:40am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LizziePooh wrote :
lol! Ya' think??
...and that's really what I want, to be able to get past her guardedness and have a chance to really talk with and get to know her. I told her in person the last time I was at her place that I'd like a chance to see and talk to her alone...and mentioned this in an email as well. It's sort of seem like they feel like this should come 'later'. When I did have a chance to talk with my friend's wife she agreed with the idea of taking her out in a group...rather than one-on-one.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #90  November 21,2009, 10:44am
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Be consistent, maybe daily communication is too much for you at the moment (a lot of feelings to sort through, and not a lot of your usual markers - pretty well none of them- apply here) but consistency crosses all cultural lines.

So if it is making you feel bad, cut back to every other day, might be less stressful on you. But, in your own best interest, do not stray into game playing territory here.

IMHO the "won't call her for a week and see what she does" message I am getting will backfire on you.

But that's just me. I'm a cat lol, what do I know?

Lilycat
 
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