Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #61  November 20,2009, 1:56pm
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jayjay wrote :
Ok....who are you and what have you done with Fluellen? lol This sounds different than your usual posts.

I sometimes do the same thing of 'exposing myself' and communicating openly....and just figuring that if this is misplaced then I might as well find out sooner rather than later.
Oh, we do have our insecurities. But pretend and try to act otherwise. Confound our own expectations. What counsellors call "positive self talk."
Doesn't mean that deep in our primal brain, probably related to our mother's being slower to put us on the breast when we cried in hunger (which might explain another fascination) ...
Anyway if SoRI (subject of romantic interest) M is unavailable this evening, I can always ask J. But my adult son has asked me to come car looking so maybe we'll adjourn for a beer.
And I've been trying to introduce son to young Miss S, and I'm meeting up with her tonight with some other friends. So maybe I can pursued him to join in.
I can still lament that I've just sent younger son off on scout camp; middle son is going to visit his uncle to help fix his garage. So I had the idea that Ms M might have stay over so I could make pancakes in the morning (her being Canadian and all).
"If you prick us do we not bleed?"
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #62  November 20,2009, 7:02pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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jayjay wrote :
It seems those who are easily offended determine what is allowed or not.
Kind of like alot of things. Being Politically Correct, for instance.

But I must say, I do like your new look!

j8a
 
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wilky is offline wilky Post #63  November 20,2009, 7:34pm
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Every now and then you find a real gem when it comes to these boards...I can completely relate to jayjay's post because I am in such a similar situation. I've gone back and forth on how to handle it and I was very close to asking her straight up today what the deal is...a couple of very close friends of mine have convinced me into holding on for another week before taking any drastic measures.

After reading the posts here, I definitely think I'm overeacting somewhat because I really do like this woman.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #64  November 20,2009, 7:42pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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wilky wrote :
Every now and then you find a real gem when it comes to these boards...I can completely relate to jayjay's post because I am in such a similar situation. I've gone back and forth on how to handle it and I was very close to asking her straight up today what the deal is...a couple of very close friends of mine have convinced me into holding on for another week before taking any drastic measures.

After reading the posts here, I definitely think I'm overeacting somewhat because I really do like this woman.
Ok man spill.....what are the details of your situation?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #65  November 20,2009, 7:45pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Kind of like alot of things. Being Politically Correct, for instance.
That's why I use the "politically correct" can't stand. It weeds out the uber-easily offended...
 
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wilky is offline wilky Post #66  November 20,2009, 8:14pm
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One of my closest female friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting someone a few months ago. Ever since I reentered the dating world 3 years ago I've been open to meeting anyone...this time I was especially interested since this friend has the exact same personality as me and is very protective of me. I knew that anyone that she wanted me to meet would be an incredible person...and she is!

She introduced me to a woman that I had heard about before but had never met, seems like every time her family had an event, one of us was there but never both. We both had heard great things about each other but we never actually had met. Anyway, we finally had a chance to meet when we both stayed at our friend's house for a family cookout...I didn't even make any kind of move I just observed how she was with her kids and the rest of the family.

Due to the hectic schedule we both have, I didn't get a chance to see her again for another month when it was much lower key weekend. We both had some time to talk and I asked her out to an "official" date to a scavenger hunt that was taking place in her town and she quickly and enthusiastically accepted.

We talked on the phone a few times and traded e-mails and met up the following weekend at our friend's house again but this time she was much cooler towards me. I'm very laid-back so I really didn't read anything into it.

We finally went out together two weeks ago and had a great time. The scavenger hunt was a lot of fun and we had a great dinner together afterwards (in reference to another post I was reading earlier, I dropped $300 for dinner, LOL!). We walked back to my hotel and she had latched on to my hand on the way. Once we got back, we sat and talked in the lobby while I had the concierge get a cab. I paid the cab driver to take her home and gave her a hug and told her how much I enjoyed the evening and she said she did as well. The following morning I had to call her because she had left her purse and jacket in my car; she told me to come over at anytime which I held off until around noon to make an appearance. When I showed up this time, she was very guarded and cool towards me. I figured she’s just trying to put things in perspective and didn’t think too much of it
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #67  November 20,2009, 8:47pm
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[quote=wilky;803493]
One of my closest female friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting someone a few months ago.....

.....that was two weeks ago and my contact has been minimal since then though I continue to try.
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #68  November 20,2009, 8:51pm

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I have something different but similiar. Had a long term relationship after I initiated divorce.
Then had some short term affairs and a lot of dating for awhile. Today I'm in a good spot, very comfortable in my skin and though lonely, I'm happy with my life.

Now that I'm thinking of getting a girlfriend again, instead of just dating, I'm hesitating. Finding excuses not to invest time in dating or looking.
I'm behind in things and always put other projects in front of this.

While not in a rush, I miss hugging someone I feel close to. I suppose, some negativity has poured in and I feel like I'll never have a girlfriend again (the ole feast or famine thing.) Women tell me I'm good looking and too young to give up.

Maybe by giving up and not looking, I'll find someone. But that's my plan now, not to invest a lot of time looking. If I meet someone at an offline event, great. If not I can only spend a little
time online looking. I'm sick of all the online games.

So I really don't know what it is, a longing to be with someone. But sick of investing lots of time and getting little reward in return. Am I insecure?
Do I feel the need that i still have to work on me?
Or am I burnt out via online dating?

Hey congratulations on finding someone. Stay busy, that's the key to helping erase any insecurity.
Plus make sure you are exercising enough, eating right and getting enough sleep. And don't neglect your friends.

The best,






jayjay wrote :
I’ve done quite a bit of dating in the last 2 ½ years after my divorce. I’ve gone on a lot of 1st and 2nd dates and dated several women for a few months. Most of these relationships weren’t exclusive, but a couple of them were for at least a month or two and I quite liked these women, especially one of them. Never during my time dating any of these women did I have any feelings of insecurity or confusion.

However, I’ve been feeling quite insecure and confused in my present dating situation. I find myself frequently wondering if the woman I’m seeing is actually interested in me….despite the fact that she has always (so far) said she wants to see me the following weekend, will occasionally do things like put my arm around her etc. I do stupid things like start feeling she might no longer be interested in me when I don’t receive an email from her.

I’ve always thought of myself and felt myself to be a pretty secure person. I also would have thought that ‘once secure….always secure’….but I find myself in the unusual situation where I’m feeling this way. I wonder if part of the reason is because I’m genuinely interested in this woman…which is something quite rare for me, so I don’t want to lose this opportunity.

Any thoughts on this matter? Have you ever felt insecure when beginning to date someone? Has this been something rare or common for you? This is such an unusual and unpleasant feeling for me…that I’m actually starting to wonder if it could be a sign that something isn’t right with this potential relationship.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #69  November 20,2009, 9:35pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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wilky wrote :
The following morning I had to call her because she had left her purse and jacket in my car; she told me to come over at anytime which I held off until around noon to make an appearance. When I showed up this time, she was very guarded and cool towards me. I figured she’s just trying to put things in perspective and didn’t think too much of it
I do like meeting people through mutual friends....it can be a nice filter to weed out really problem people. What you describe here sounds like kind of a 'hot and cold' thing that I've heard of before. I think the issue with that for me would be if I thought this would be something short lived that she'd get over quickly....or if it would be a recurring thing that is more a part of her personality.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #70  November 20,2009, 9:39pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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roguewolf1 wrote :
Maybe by giving up and not looking, I'll find someone. But that's my plan now, not to invest a lot of time looking. If I meet someone at an offline event, great. If not I can only spend a little
time online looking. I'm sick of all the online games.
That's the way it feels to me too....when 'trying' to find someone it seems like the investment of time, effort, emotional energy etc. is much higher than the 'return'. Sometimes I get tired of it (like right now)...and only date if I happen to find someone I especially have an interest in.
 
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