Age Difference & Starting a Family


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Skyking6976 is offline Skyking6976 Post #1  November 18,2009, 7:52am
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Have a late 30's match who is really cute, sweet and seems to be in to me. I'm out of town until early next week but she wants to meet, writes sweet things to me and all that. I'm in my early 50's and I brought up in an email about children since she doesn't have any. She said everything works and would like to have a child. At first I thought that would be really awesome since I've never been a father. Then I started doing the math and thought about how old I'd be when the child is graduated from high school and it starts to get a bit scary.

This woman seems to have her act together. Has her own home, makes plenty of money and is cute so I know she isn't just looking for a sperm donor but is this age difference too much for children? No right or wrong answer her just your take about this and why this woman is okay with a 13 year age difference?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  November 18,2009, 8:07am
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Lots of men have children in their 50's or older. It's just up to you whether you want to take that on. I think finding it "a bit scary" is probably true for most people, regardless of age!

A child with a good father who's 60 is better off than one with a bad dad who's 30, right? You probably have a level of maturity and emotional and financial stability that most younger men haven't achieved yet, that can really benefit a child.

Why is she ok with the age difference? She just is, apparently. It's not a radical difference, you're not her father's age. Who knows? This would be something to ask her about, at some point.

One caution would be that if she's childless and in her late 30's, her bio-clock could be ticking very loudly for her. It might be a good idea to make sure she's really into you, and not just the possibility of having a child with you.

Good luck!
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  November 18,2009, 8:23am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Lots of men have children in their 50's or older. It's just up to you whether you want to take that on. I think finding it "a bit scary" is probably true for most people, regardless of age!

A child with a good father who's 60 is better off than one with a bad dad who's 30, right? You probably have a level of maturity and emotional and financial stability that most younger men haven't achieved yet, that can really benefit a child.

Why is she ok with the age difference? She just is, apparently. It's not a radical difference, you're not her father's age. Who knows? This would be something to ask her about, at some point.

One caution would be that if she's childless and in her late 30's, her bio-clock could be ticking very loudly for her. It might be a good idea to make sure she's really into you, and not just the possibility of having a child with you.

Good luck!
What she said. But personally, at our age, knowing what I know now, it's not for me. I did kids' sports and scouts for over ten years and I want to do other things now. By the time that sort of thing is over with you'll be pushing 70. It's a lot to seriously think about.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  November 18,2009, 8:25am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I'm about to turn 44 and would like to have a child(ren). However, if I get to be in my early 50s and still haven't had them I'd probably rethink that, for some of the reasons you mentioned (as well as just all the work kids are). I've dated women in their late 30s...and even if they're looking for a good man things can really feel rushed as they were looking to progress the relationship along very quickly.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #5  November 18,2009, 8:40am
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Um... you haven't met yet.....

IMHO you are overthinking this. Meet her, the whole issue may just settle itself, as in you might not get along anyway.....

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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #6  November 18,2009, 8:52am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Lots of men have children in their 50's or older. It's just up to you whether you want to take that on. I think finding it "a bit scary" is probably true for most people, regardless of age!

A child with a good father who's 60 is better off than one with a bad dad who's 30, right? You probably have a level of maturity and emotional and financial stability that most younger men haven't achieved yet, that can really benefit a child.

Why is she ok with the age difference? She just is, apparently. It's not a radical difference, you're not her father's age. Who knows? This would be something to ask her about, at some point.

One caution would be that if she's childless and in her late 30's, her bio-clock could be ticking very loudly for her. It might be a good idea to make sure she's really into you, and not just the possibility of having a child with you.

Good luck!
I agree.

Having a child at any age can be scary. You're in your 50's which should make you more secure financially and emotionally. I've heard that men over 50 make the best fathers because of this - for the most part anyway.

Speaking for myself, I'm 48 and into this whole menopause thing. I could potentially still have children, but wouldn't because my nerves aren't up to it and at my age, it's not safe for me or for the baby.

She's only 30 so she shouldn't have any problems with the pregnancy.

Does she have any children with another man? If this is her first child how does she feel about it?

Why is she ok with the 13 year age difference? Who knows. I agree with cat - wait until you meet her face to face. You can discuss the age difference with her then. She may not have done the math as accurately as you have. After you've met, the problem may solve itself.

Good luck.
Last edited by nancymargritangelita; November 18,2009 at 8:58am.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  November 18,2009, 11:04am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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nancymargritangelita wrote :
She's only 30 so she shouldn't have any problems with the pregnancy.

Why is she ok with the 13 year age difference?
He said she's "late 30's".

Regarding why she's ok with the 13 yr difference....I take it you mean how come she doesn't want a man who's a little older than him?
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #8  November 18,2009, 11:15am
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jayjay wrote :
He said she's "late 30's".

Regarding why she's ok with the 13 yr difference....I take it you mean how come she doesn't want a man who's a little older than him?
I'm missed the "late"bit. Some women like older men. I don't mind 4 or 5 years, but 13 is stretching it a bit - just a personal preference. When she said she doesn't mind kids, I wonder if she realized what she was saying. Maybe she misunderstood and thought she didn't mind his grown kids - I have to go back to the original post and see if she knows he doesn't have any.

In any case, they have to discuss this issue face to face.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  November 18,2009, 11:23am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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nancymargritangelita wrote :
In any case, they have to discuss this issue face to face.
You mean like having a father-to-daughter talk? lol. I'm sorry....I'm really not one to talk.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #10  November 18,2009, 11:29am
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I'd say the problem is much more hers than yours, at least from a physiological standpoint. Even if you two decide today to get married, by the time you have the wedding and a bit of couples time, she'll be 40+, after which it is not only is it much harder to conceive the risks for birth defects skyrocket - I kindly suggest researching the profound escalation in miscarriage and Downs Syndrome after 40.

This is my age demographic, and not to sound too arrogant but I think it sad when I go out with a girl between 35 and 40 who is all about finally getting married and having children. Sorry, too risky. I try my best not to date over 32 or 33; not only to leave the option for kids open but those gals that wait til their late 30s to get married and have kids tend to be kinda crazy.
Last edited by Raw_Truth; November 18,2009 at 11:31am.
 
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