thrashee is offline thrashee Post #1  November 13,2009, 10:52am
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Hi all,

I've recently had two back to back dates that played out almost exactly the same way, both ending in failure, and I'm just seeking the advice/opinions of anyone else out there.

In both cases, I swear I noticed disappointment in the eyes of my dates upon our initial meeting. I know this sounds like reading into things too much, which is what I told myself at the time, but I must admit that I couldn't quite get that impression out of my mind and the rest of the dates subsequently went rather stiffly and, needless to say, didn't extend beyond the first date.

The thing that's throwing me off is that I believe my pictures in my profile quite accurately represent my looks, and I've been honest about my physical attributes, so this initial "look" is confusing me. And both of these ladies initiated contact with me, so I don't really understand what the disappointment would be. I've attracted enough attractive women in my life to not really worry about my looks, but quite honestly online dating is making me wonder.

So my questions to you all: has this happened to you? Should I really rethink my profile pictures, or are people simply bound to be disappointed from time to time? Or is this in my head and did I unwittingly sabotage things?

Thanks.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #2  November 13,2009, 11:13am
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thrashee wrote :
Hi all,

I've recently had two back to back dates that played out almost exactly the same way, both ending in failure, and I'm just seeking the advice/opinions of anyone else out there.

In both cases, I swear I noticed disappointment in the eyes of my dates upon our initial meeting. I know this sounds like reading into things too much, which is what I told myself at the time, but I must admit that I couldn't quite get that impression out of my mind and the rest of the dates subsequently went rather stiffly and, needless to say, didn't extend beyond the first date.

So my questions to you all: has this happened to you? Should I really rethink my profile pictures, or are people simply bound to be disappointed from time to time? Or is this in my head and did I unwittingly sabotage things?

Thanks.
I've experienced that before. The initial dissapointment isn't a terrible thing. End it early, pay your half and be on your way.

I am very strict with myself to ensure that I'm at the weight (or lighter) in the pictures I post.

I went so far in posting accurate - as opposed to flattering - pictures that my date this week told me I was much better looking than my pics.

So I'm going to buy a digital camera tomorrow and see if I can come up with something better.
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #3  November 13,2009, 11:24am
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It's just chemistry. I think online dating is way more complicated than dating someone you have already met. I doubt it is disappointment but it's just awkward to match these picture and voice to the real person. Just no clicking, try again if you like but don't sweat it.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #4  November 13,2009, 11:26am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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This is where people bleat on about 'chemistry' and say that even though you can be attracted to someone's photo you can still fail to 'connect' in the flesh. That vital, hocus pocus, magical ingredient is missing.

Yeah. Maybe. Pheremones. Blah, blah, blah.

I however, think this, I think some people are unrealistic fantasists!

I think they're expecting to fall in love (or lust) at first sight. It's infantile. How many times do you meet someone, available or not, interested in you or not in your everyday life that you are instantly and strongly attracted to?

I hardly ever even walk by someone in the street that I'm instantaneously attracted to and I live in London with 7 million inhabitants.

"Chemistry" or whatever you want to call it is of course important. I want to be in a relationship with someone that I can't wait to get naked, don't we all? But you can't always tell in a couple of hours if you two are going to have the chemistry or not.

You met up with silly women and they've gone now so that's a good thing, next one might be more intelligent.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  November 13,2009, 11:32am

blames self-help books

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thrashee wrote :
Hi all,

I've recently had two back to back dates that played out almost exactly the same way, both ending in failure, and I'm just seeking the advice/opinions of anyone else out there.

In both cases, I swear I noticed disappointment in the eyes of my dates upon our initial meeting. I know this sounds like reading into things too much, which is what I told myself at the time, but I must admit that I couldn't quite get that impression out of my mind and the rest of the dates subsequently went rather stiffly and, needless to say, didn't extend beyond the first date.

The thing that's throwing me off is that I believe my pictures in my profile quite accurately represent my looks, and I've been honest about my physical attributes, so this initial "look" is confusing me. And both of these ladies initiated contact with me, so I don't really understand what the disappointment would be. I've attracted enough attractive women in my life to not really worry about my looks, but quite honestly online dating is making me wonder.

So my questions to you all: has this happened to you? Should I really rethink my profile pictures, or are people simply bound to be disappointed from time to time? Or is this in my head and did I unwittingly sabotage things?

Thanks.
It could be something as silly as what you wear. I have never done an online date so don't know for sure. Still some women will size you up by what you are wearing. To try to explain, my brother is an attorney and I am an accountant. Similar attire yet I can pick out of group who is the accountants and who are the attorneys with about a 95% success rate. This is because these are people I am around a lot. Same thing with casual attire, though I admit I don't find that as reliable. Still I am sure there are women who put stock in this method.

It is stupid and I hope that isn't what is going on. Every guy I have ever dated should never be judged in this manner. I seem to find those amazing men that don't put on a show for anyone.

Other than that I don't have a clue, maybe you had a zit and didn't know it. Just kidding. Good luck.

Yeah just read the two new posts, go with chemistry, much better than my zit idea.
Last edited by Can_I_just_be_Jo; November 13,2009 at 11:34am.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  November 13,2009, 11:34am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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shoopthedoop wrote :
I went so far in posting accurate - as opposed to flattering - pictures that my date this week told me I was much better looking than my pics.
That must have been a nice surprise.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  November 13,2009, 11:36am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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trixie1868 wrote :
Blah, blah, blah.
Words to live by. lol

By chance...have you been to Bob Loblaw's law blog?
 
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thrashee is offline thrashee Post #8  November 13,2009, 11:49am
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Thanks for everyone's replies so far. The irony is, I did actually have a zit that I did know about. If that was the deal breaker, then good riddance.

I must say I absolutely agree that you can't necessarily gauge chemistry by the first date alone. First dates are rarely that smooth, and never very accurate for how you really behave.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  November 13,2009, 11:51am
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On the one hand, yes people will be disappointed from time to time. This simply happens because the mental picture they had of you does not match reality. There is really not much you can do about that no matter how many photos you post.

On the other hand, if this happens consistently then it means that you look way better in photos than in real life. This may also be not so much what you physically look like, but your clothing - dress and style. Something about your photos may be causing higher expectations.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #10  November 13,2009, 1:12pm
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jayjay wrote :
That must have been a nice surprise.
It was a very nice surprise. I think I'd prefer to have better pics and not deal with that response again though....
 
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