Would you like to setup a time to meet? ... Need advice...


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yueyuan is offline yueyuan Post #1  November 9,2009, 9:50pm
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Here is my problem: I have communicated with few men in the past two months from [FONT=Arial]EH, but never get a chance to meet one of them. I found every time they stop communicate after I replied the following questions, I didn't answer with yes, instead I told them my schedule. I told them I have time after work, or during lunch time or weekends. I told them my schedule because I thought this may be more convenience for them, but seems turned them off, what’s wrong with my answer? How should I answer these questions? Or these people just asked actually they aren’t interested to meet:
 
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Annnnne is offline Annnnne Post #2  November 9,2009, 10:12pm
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Just give them a couple options that are after work or on the weekend...like, I could meet Thursday after work, or Saturday afternoon. Let them pick one. Keep it simple and dont roll out your whole schedule to them.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  November 10,2009, 4:07am
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Rolling out your busy work schedule is a bit offensive in that it can come across as you are way too busy for them, but may at some point squeeze them in. When someone is asking to meet, they are expecting a simple answer - I'm free Thursday evening or if that does not work, Saturday lunchtime.

Keep it brief and simple - your match should not have to look through your work calendar to pencil himself in.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #4  November 10,2009, 6:12am
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DancingFool wrote :
Rolling out your busy work schedule is a bit offensive in that it can come across as you are way too busy for them, but may at some point squeeze them in. When someone is asking to meet, they are expecting a simple answer - I'm free Thursday evening or if that does not work, Saturday lunchtime.

Keep it brief and simple - your match should not have to look through your work calendar to pencil himself in.
It can be offensive becaus eyou are busy? Really?

While I agree that picking a general time or two to try and meet is the best way to go, I would run for the hills from someone who took offence at knowing your schedule is busy.

Guess the 'political correctness' can't stand helps in dealing with those who take offence at almost anything.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  November 10,2009, 6:21am
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shoopthedoop wrote :
It can be offensive becaus eyou are busy? Really?

While I agree that picking a general time or two to try and meet is the best way to go, I would run for the hills from someone who took offence at knowing your schedule is busy.

Guess the 'political correctness' can't stand helps in dealing with those who take offence at almost anything.
Actually I was speaking from my own personal experience with dating and men in that often even the simple mention that I have a busy job or work long and sometimes unpredictable hours was taken the wrong way to put it mildly. Primarily they interpreted it to mean that I'm not interested in them, that they are just not important enough, blah blah blah....... So yes, the OP may well be experiencing the same exact reaction when she is disclosing too much information about her schedule right off the bat.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #6  November 10,2009, 6:33am
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DancingFool wrote :
Actually I was speaking from my own personal experience with dating and men in that often even the simple mention that I have a busy job or work long and sometimes unpredictable hours was taken the wrong way to put it mildly. Primarily they interpreted it to mean that I'm not interested in them, that they are just not important enough, blah blah blah....... So yes, the OP may well be experiencing the same exact reaction when she is disclosing too much information about her schedule right off the bat.
Fair enough. But why wouldn't you put that out there? I have a dinner date tonight with someone who appears to have a pretty hectic work schedule.

I would personally have a bigger problem with someone hiding the fact that their schedule is chaotic and springing it on me further down the road. Besides, if the OP is disclosing why they can't meet because of the work schedule and lays out what that is, then it might stop the questions of "Is she playing games with me?" But only might...

btw, I still take offence to overuse of the term offensive.
 
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Sawyer76 is offline Sawyer76 Post #7  November 10,2009, 6:48am
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I agree with some of the others posts that it could come across the wrong way to lay out your whole schedule. It sounds like you're squeezing them in. Having a busy schedule isn't a bad thing, but I don't think it's necessary to let them know your schedule at this point in the dating process. A simple, yes or no and maybe 1 or 2 options is enough. I usually don't list my available time at all and prefer to talk about this over the phone. If they ask me if I want to meet, I usually just reply that it sounds like a good idea and give my number or set up a time to talk further.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  November 10,2009, 6:51am
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Correct - there is no reason to hide, but there is a time and a place for everything and ultimately it's all about presentation. If her response comes across as "go ahead and pencil yourself in if you can find a spot" then most people will roll their eyes and move on. If it comes across as "hey, here is a time when I'd love to see you" then she will have much more success.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  November 10,2009, 6:55am

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Your treating the request as an after thought with a lack of interest! If your not excited to meet someone new or to go out and have a good time, you should just forget about it. Just give him a day and a time but with a little excitement.

Harvey7.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #10  November 10,2009, 6:58am

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I would prefer to learn someone's schedule over time. I don't need it presented to me within the first few meetings

If someone is going to rattle off their "busy" schedule I am going to think that:

1. dating is a inconvenience for them.
2. low interest in me

I have a hectic work/travel schedule myself. I don't hide the fact I do. I just don't present myself as "busy" I'd rather make my dates a priority, than make them feel as if I am penciling them in like an 8 o'clock confernence call.

Profiles that have.." I am a busy xxxxx" are a turn off for me. I roll right by them!





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Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 10,2009 at 7:00am.
 
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