Perhaps my life is too complex to date?


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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #1  November 9,2009, 7:18pm
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While most people are thinking of ways to date or analyzing how to keep a date or whether someone is interested, my recent feelings have been the reverse. Given that my life is very complex (ie. very troubled teen with constant chaos and a busy practice), I almost feel that it would be selfish to date someone and bring him into my world. I have pulled back on dating for this reason, as I do not feel it is fair to bring someone into this complex situation (notwithstanding that I would love to have companionship). Is this normal to struggle with these feelings?
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #2  November 9,2009, 7:42pm
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I assume you plan to date people capable of doing an analysis of what it's worth to accept to get you in the bargain.

I've dated people with troubled kids and seen they were part of the problem. That was a deal breaker. I've dated those who were slaves to their jobs and that, too, broke the deal.

Yet if the person I was dating didn't seem responsible for their kids' problems or I could see that they were reacting responsibly to a busy time at work but it wouldn't always be that way, I would stick around if he was worth it.

Bottom line, most people end up with their equals in terms of baggage. If you would date you, you're in business!
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #3  November 9,2009, 8:33pm
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mari3434 wrote :
...Is this normal to struggle with these feelings?
yes. i went through chaos in my life that prevented me from seriously dating for years. actually, chaos does not do justice to what we went through. and to have tried to bring someone into that mix would not have been fair to her, me or the children.

you can't always get what you want. sometimes life sucks. and it is rarely fair.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  November 10,2009, 4:35am
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That's a patronizing attitude, OP. I think that you should assume that the men you meet have a braincell and the independent capacity to examine the situation and make a choice on whether that works for them and they like you enough to deal with it or not. This is their choice and decision and not yours.

If you don't want to date because you don't have the emotional capacity for it at the moment, then that's a whole different story - that is your choice and decission.
 
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ltc89 is offline ltc89 Post #5  November 10,2009, 5:19am
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This is one of two big reasons that I don't date. It just doesn't fit in. Admittedly my kids are grown and on their own, but my job has morphed more and more into heavy travel, and my aging parents are needing ever-increasing involvement on my part (and dragging someone new into that whirling vortex of complications would be almost criminal), a sister with special needs, and all of that entails three houses and five cars to look after. Maybe someday, but definitely not now.

I certainly realize that any woman I might be interested in would have the ability to make her own assesment of the situation, but at this point it just looks like an exercise in futility.
Last edited by ltc89; November 10,2009 at 5:20am. Reason: won't make sense if I leave out words. . .
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  November 10,2009, 11:42am

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ltc89 wrote :
This is one of two big reasons that I don't date. It just doesn't fit in. Admittedly my kids are grown and on their own, but my job has morphed more and more into heavy travel, and my aging parents are needing ever-increasing involvement on my part (and dragging someone new into that whirling vortex of complications would be almost criminal), a sister with special needs, and all of that entails three houses and five cars to look after. Maybe someday, but definitely not now.

I certainly realize that any woman I might be interested in would have the ability to make her own assesment of the situation, but at this point it just looks like an exercise in futility.
Strike Three and your Out!

You've taken yourself out of the game! (Mentally.)
Just hire a Stud to service you every now and then, order your grocery's on the net, get take out food and your set until they come for the body!

The problem is that your boring and maybe forgot how to have fun with a hot Guy!

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; November 10,2009 at 12:09pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  November 10,2009, 11:46am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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mari3434 wrote :
While most people are thinking of ways to date or analyzing how to keep a date or whether someone is interested, my recent feelings have been the reverse. Given that my life is very complex (ie. very troubled teen with constant chaos and a busy practice), I almost feel that it would be selfish to date someone and bring him into my world. I have pulled back on dating for this reason, as I do not feel it is fair to bring someone into this complex situation (notwithstanding that I would love to have companionship). Is this normal to struggle with these feelings?
That sounds fair. You can just stop dating.
 
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ltc89 is offline ltc89 Post #8  November 10,2009, 3:40pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
Strike Three and your Out!



You've taken yourself out of the game! (Mentally.)
Just hire a Stud to service you every now and then, order your grocery's on the net, get take out food and your set until they come for the body!

The problem is that your boring and maybe forgot how to have fun with a hot Guy!

Harvey7.

Not sure if you read the post thoroughly - I'm of the male persuasion. . .

Above and beyond that, and without meaning to offend, it's hard to see how what you said makes sense.
 
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OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #9  November 10,2009, 4:46pm
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ltc89 wrote :
This is one of two big reasons that I don't date. It just doesn't fit in. Admittedly my kids are grown and on their own, but my job has morphed more and more into heavy travel, and my aging parents are needing ever-increasing involvement on my part (and dragging someone new into that whirling vortex of complications would be almost criminal), a sister with special needs, and all of that entails three houses and five cars to look after. Maybe someday, but definitely not now.

I certainly realize that any woman I might be interested in would have the ability to make her own assesment of the situation, but at this point it just looks like an exercise in futility.
This is exactly why I have recently discovered I am looking more for a companion than a commitment. Someone to call a few times a week, maybe meet for lunch, go for a walk, exchange hugs. Between what I have to do and what I want to do, I really don't want to dive full time into a relationship.

A friendship would be nice.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  November 10,2009, 4:58pm
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The key is to find someone with a life. You can have a relationship with a person who is secure and not needy. I am busy, and my lifestyle is not for everyone. I can't have someone camped on my door every night for a number of reasons, yet I manage to date quite successfully. Create the relationship you want. There is someone out there for every one.
 
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