When she talks about her ex


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livingdeadguy is offline livingdeadguy Post #1  November 9,2009, 5:46pm
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So the girl I have been hanging out with between classes all semester just started talking about her ex's in passing the other day. No details about anything, simply "when I went cross country skiing with my ex and his Mom".
And today she mentioned that there was a sports dinner she went to with her team and happened to be sitting across the room from one of her ex's (not at the same table, but more like same spot on either side of the room). She also said that a reason she doesn't go home every weekend is because of all her ex's. It came across more as awkwardness, not fear.
So, just curious if her talking about her ex's (like this) really means anything.
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #2  November 9,2009, 5:51pm
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I think it just makes stories more accurate. I am best friends with my ex and we have been friends for 11 years. We dated one. The only time I ever call him my ex is if that story is from that time period. I have no emotions about him or us but he was my boyfriend at the time...When I have an ex in a story I just say my ex...I don't think it's a big deal if she is telling a story. They exist we all have ex's. I think it's fine.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  November 9,2009, 5:51pm
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I did not hear the conversation but there are things that you have said in your post that would lead me to think that there is more to what she was saying than just making conversation. However I can't even remember back when I was 22 so I will leave the interpretation to someone who is more closely related to your age.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  November 9,2009, 5:55pm
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livingdeadguy wrote :
So, just curious if her talking about her ex's (like this) really means anything.

It means she is insecure, unaccomplished, timid ...

I get this from women too - along with them trying to goad me into comparing them to my prior partners - which I never do and never speak of.

As young people, I think this may be worth giving her more time to get to know you, and forget these ex's.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #5  November 9,2009, 6:16pm
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People interacted with all kinds of people in their past and often mentioned about them to their current partners. So why should something (non-sensual) that someone did with an ex, vs. a sister, a parent, or a female friend, mean something more?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  November 9,2009, 6:46pm
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No problem with her talking about an ex in my view as long as it's just normal oh I remember when blah blah type stuff rather than long-winded diatribes on issues she's not yet resolved and/or trying to make some sort of comparison or make you feel jealous, or seems to be her only topic of discussion etc.

Ex-flames were part of who we were and we don't just stop remembering the good times and the bad after the relationships end. Sometimes we might still have affection or fondness for them even if we would never go back to them. I think you kind of have to accept the person has a history and feelings for many people that may be ambiguous or that they are still trying to work out.
Last edited by nightling; November 9,2009 at 7:21pm.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #7  November 9,2009, 7:11pm

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I can see how this can be annoying. Sure we all have ex's and past expierences that include them. Not every story has to include an ex. Don't be afraid to say something about it. She may not realize she is doing it. It's one thing to tell a story about your life expierences, but tossing in a tid-bit every time about an ex doesn't need to happen.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  November 10,2009, 4:14am
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Hate to say this, but ex's are a big part of everyone's past and realistically cannot be entirely erased or avoided in conversation. In the context given, if she is talking about a trip that she went on - what do you want her to say? That it was a trip with a "friend"? Or do you want her to just clam up and not mention the trip because it involved an ex? That's just plain silly and you should not be that insecure.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #9  November 10,2009, 7:24am
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I think there can be to much talk of an ex. Maybe it's to early, but it's hard to explain. I don't want to be compared to an ex (at least not to my knowledge of it). If we're planing on going somewhere, I don't want to hear "oh, I was here with so and so...and we had a blast!". It would feel like they're comparing me/the situation. Or that they're not over the ex. They could always say "I went here...yadda yadda".

I'll bring up the topic about my ex-husband, and how he's still in the picture on holidays (married to cousin) just so if the date does progress to anything, he won't be caught off guard. If asked about the divorce, I'll explain that as well. Otherwise I leave my ex out of conversations. I'm not stuck on him and have no reason to bring back memories.

My apologizes if this doesn't flow...coffee doesn't seem to be working this morning.
 
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Sweetyflea is offline Sweetyflea Post #10  November 10,2009, 10:50am
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uh....that's odd??

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Usually when talking about an ex is never really a good thing, because its a sign that they haven't got over the break up. But if her and her ex develop into a friendship then thats okay to talk about. Like if she was only briefly talking about her and her ex to outline a story and then drop it, then she is it just revisiting a good memory that is good, but if she constantly talk about her ex then she hasn't gotten over him. Ex's are past relationships that are hardly ever something to get over, if the relationship was good but didn't work out, then she'll remember the good time, but if the relationship was not that good and happy to have ended it, she wouldn't bring it up at all.

Hope that helps and hopefully not that confussing.
 
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