I need to S..L..O..W... down, but how?


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Galvan316 is offline Galvan316 Post #1  November 9,2009, 5:28pm
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I need some advice on this, and In a hurry (no pun intended) I met someone who we hit it off with very well. Went out on two dates so far, and they've been great.

But I know Im coming on a little to strong with this woman, I have alot of free time and she has time on the weekends. I guess since I really like this person I want to spend more time with her, yet I know I dont want to smother her...

The truth is, I get really lonely in between our time we spend together and, Im used to previous relationships where, If I was lonely, all id have to do is pick up the phone and my EX and I would be together, erasing the loneliness. (Thats of course when me and the ex where together)

So what do I do? I really like this new woman, yet I dont want to hurt anything.

I just feel like im walking on egg shells sometimes when it comes to this.. Almost afraid to text her or call her...PLEASE HELP!

Mike
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  November 9,2009, 5:34pm
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I think you have two possible situations, which are very different:

You are pressuring her too much. In this case, I think you need to find a hobby. Buying a yacht is good.

Or ... she is stringing you on by not being available and wanting you to chase her.

Come to think of it, I'd still buy the yacht.

***

Don't chase her more than she shows return interest, or you're setting yourself up for being used. Continue to seek other partners until she commits exclusively to you.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  November 9,2009, 5:36pm
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Plan your day, Galvan. Put some activities into it that mean something to you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  November 9,2009, 5:46pm
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I don't have the money to buy a yacht but the advice to get a hobby is a good one. Or find some activity to occupy your time, take a class, volunteer, etc.

Also I might mention that you have only been on two dates with this woman and I would assume that you had been with your previous girlfriend for some time. When you start off seeing each other once a week and only talking on the phone a couple of times a week is normal. As the relationship builds then you begin seeing each other and talking on the phone more frequently.
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #5  November 9,2009, 5:47pm
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Yup if you smother her she will run, but I don't understand why you get so lonely in between dates? I understand liking someone a lot but...you need to read a book or go for a run. Women HATE well normal women hate men that don't give them space. Don't call your ex. I am going to tell you what my mom tells me only I will switch it up for you...take a big boy pill and be with YOU. Let her hang out with you sometimes but you can't fill any void with another person.
 
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Galvan316 is offline Galvan316 Post #6  November 9,2009, 6:07pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Don't chase her more than she shows return interest, or you're setting yourself up for being used. Continue to seek other partners until she commits exclusively to you.

Heres the thing, Im pretty sure im exclusive to her. And as for finding a hobby, I guess thats a pretty good idea.

FWIW: I have a date with her on Saturday, and when I asked her if I was coming on strong, she said "yes a little bit" to which I apologized and she said dont worry about iy.

Im just starting to get back into dating following a long relationship so maybe this is why Im pressing her too much I guess.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  November 9,2009, 6:16pm
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It is easy to scare a woman away.

I think your situation is likely to fail. If she wants you, she would not be suggesting you're coming on too strong.

I'm sorry, but I think she is leading you on to have a date (to buy her dates) while she looks for someone who she wants to chase her.

Time and good attitude on your part may work ... but I think the only way to go forward here is to enjoy what she offers in the moment until she commits to you.

***

I do think you should continue with other partners until that point, and not chase woman more than they return.
 
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Galvan316 is offline Galvan316 Post #8  November 9,2009, 7:27pm
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Here's the problem basically..

I get bored

Then I get lonely

Then I obviously want to talk to her

Which since its been so soon, is making me come on strong....


I really need to relax.... but Its proving to be exceptionally difficult.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  November 10,2009, 4:19am
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Galvan316 wrote :
Here's the problem basically..

I get bored

Then I get lonely

Then I obviously want to talk to her

Which since its been so soon, is making me come on strong....


I really need to relax.... but Its proving to be exceptionally difficult.
Galvan, please please do not use another human as your sole source of entertainment - that will never ever make for a healty relationship and will indeed drive women away from you. Get a hobby, find some friends, find things to do. If you have so little to offer to yourself and your partner it's high time for you to reevaluate your life and what choices you are making in that life.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  November 10,2009, 7:16am
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It sounds like you are a person who does not like to be by himself. It would help to develop a wider circle of people to be with, so you don't overwhelm any one person. Join a club, do some volunteer work that's done in groups, make some new friends.

You could also experiment with purposely spending some time alone in a way that you'd like: hobby, taking a hike, making something (art, model airplanes, whatever).
 
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