Well, I think a Lady should ask me Out!


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #1  November 8,2009, 6:25pm
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I want to bring this comment up, regarding a Lady asking (gasp!) a guy on a date, as this is not what I think:

peg099 wrote :
The interesting thing is that the only guys who ever said yes were those who assumed that the invitation included sex. So that leads me to suspect that either men see such women as morally loose and not relationship material, or only the guys looking for casual sex will say yes when a woman initiates, and that the guys looking for a serious relationship will be put off by a woman taking initiative. Sure guys may be flattered and like it when a woman asks them out, but do they see that woman as relationship potential?

If a Lady is flirting I do not assume she is wanting to date me. I really need her to be specific about that with a clear statement or invitation.

I do not make any assumption at all about sex (common in my age / experience anyway); I consider sex completely independent of relationship interest. That is, if I remember to think about sex at all.

***

Thing is, I may flirt with a Lady because I thought it was safe to flirt with her, so initially I may be not ready to be asked or take further steps even though I am flirting with her; this further supports the need for a clear statement.

Regardless of what transpired pror to the first few meetings, the one-to-one, in person communication is what establishes the communication. Really, who asked is as useless as whether you called a company or a company called you for a job interview: the date is like the job offer - all the preamble is moot.

But, asking gets you more chances and more options.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #2  November 8,2009, 6:31pm
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I think it's pretty safe to say that your attitudes toward dating and your very strict 50/50 policy in all regards, including date-planning, payment, etc. are not exactly representative of the male population. In other words, you're an outlier.

And are you talking about flirting or asking someone out? Those are two different things.
Plus you took that quote a bit out of context.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  November 8,2009, 6:40pm
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I picked a good quote which had a reason why a Lady might be reluctant!

With the "flirting," I wanted to address the issue that a clear invitation is needed; vague hinting may not be understood.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #4  November 8,2009, 7:01pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I picked a good quote which had a reason why a Lady might be reluctant!

With the "flirting," I wanted to address the issue that a clear invitation is needed; vague hinting may not be understood.
Subtlety has never been my forte, so I doubt vagueness was ever the problem.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #5  November 8,2009, 7:03pm

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peg099 wrote :
I think it's pretty safe to say that your attitudes toward dating and your very strict 50/50 policy in all regards, including date-planning, payment, etc. are not exactly representative of the male population. In other words, you're an outlier.

And are you talking about flirting or asking someone out? Those are two different things.
Plus you took that quote a bit out of context.
lol. I was going to say the same thing.

Definitley an outlier, and quite frankly I think it can be a bit of a disservice to give advice to some people when your opinions are so often well outside the norm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  November 8,2009, 7:06pm
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I daresay, not as far or as often as some people wish were so.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #7  November 8,2009, 7:10pm
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Let's say a Lady did ask you out...
Wouldn't you, in your present circumstances, have to say no?

Wouldn't that be leading said Lady on?

Frogtease!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  November 8,2009, 7:16pm
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Agreed - wait until the football is over!

Um, still a fair question, since this is a common topic here that seems to keep a lot of women in a sub-optimal outcome.

The main point I want to hit on, is the idea that all she needs is to get momentum going. At that point, who started doesn't matter at all.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #9  November 8,2009, 7:18pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Agreed - wait until the football is over!

Um, still a fair question, since this is a common topic here that seems to keep a lot of women in a sub-optimal outcome.

The main point I want to hit on, is the idea that all she needs is to get momentum going. At that point, who started doesn't matter at all.
But if her attempts to get something going result in the man viewing her more negatively than if she had done nothing, then the momentum isn't going to build.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  November 8,2009, 7:20pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Agreed - wait until the football is over!

[snipped]
Football season ends?
 
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