Archangel is offline Archangel Post #1  November 8,2009, 12:39pm
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Argh why do i do this to myself??

Met a guy everything was good but after a few weeks all the sign's point to this being some silly little game he's playing at my expence. He makes no moves, doens't try and progress things but is constently flirting and paying me massive compliments.

Is very forward in flirting and email's but says he's to shy to make a move because im too good for him. Loads of things driving me nut's i feel like im bieng led on like a foolish little girl.

I call him out on the silly little games he get's really offended i back off and apologise. Eventually i had enough and told him that i wasnt playing any more, if he wants to take me seriously he knows where i am.

I make a date with another guy, just lunch no biggy. Guy number one get's really upset about it, says that he doens't mess with women who date multiple men. thing is i have never dated guy number 1, we had coffee ONCE!! because he refuses to make a move, avoids any attempts i make of setting a real time for us to get to know each other and generally messes me about.

I feel super guilty, cancel date, sit at home on my own like an idiot for a guy who is messing with me.

Today we've been chatting on and off on messenger but he keep's vanishing half way thought converstations which seem's very suspisous and something he does often he blames it on his net connection but i get the feeling it's more than that (girlfriend, wife maybe or am i just paranoid??)

Today i asked him what he wanted from me. If he was looking for a relationship or just some fun. Trying to get an idea of what the hell is going on in his head as the way he got when he found out i was meeting another guy for lunch suggested he was after more than just fun/friendship.

He didn't answer the question just threw the question back by asking me about the state of my divorce as thought that was what was holding him back.

Granted im not divorced on paper yet but the marriage has been over for a long time and i have been nothing but open with him about the situation and while i understand it's daunting i wish he'd just make up his mind either he can cope with the situation or he can't.

I just want to know so i can move on with my life.... bah
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  November 8,2009, 12:48pm
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Um, you might be right for each other?

Yes, a man (or a woman) should be definitive and follow through.

However, a woman (or a man) should be available - which means, not married.

I think the best thing is to finalize exiting the marriage and then look for some better guys.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #3  November 8,2009, 12:49pm
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Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. I will!
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #4  November 8,2009, 12:52pm
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Archangel wrote :

Granted im not divorced on paper yet but the marriage has been over for a long time and i have been nothing but open with him about the situation and while i understand it's daunting i wish he'd just make up his mind either he can cope with the situation or he can't.

I just want to know so i can move on with my life.... bah
I don't think you can fully move on with your life until you are divorced, right? If you don't have to be divorced, then why does this guy have to decide everything so quickly for you? Difficult to ask for what you can't offer.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  November 8,2009, 12:57pm
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Your divorce isn't final. What exactly are you expecting? Very few well-adjusted guys are going to touch you with a 10-foot pole.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #6  November 8,2009, 1:02pm
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1. Get the divorce finalized
2. Cut guy #1 off. Already showing signs of being a mind game player and showing early signs of being possessive. If he can't stand the competition he should get out of the dating game...
3. Casual coffee dates and innocent outings seem fine for now but really try to avoid anything serious....a year after your divorce is a good general rule (some people need more time...my old neighbor -5 years but then she had cheated on him with his best friend,kept a lot of his material possessions, and there was a lot of conflict over their shared custody) Take the time to rediscover yourself, the pleasure of being officially "free" and setting the psychological/physical groundwork to ensure you bring into your life the right relationship this next time around.

No slapping....I'm not into aversive therapy. I believe in the power of positive changes. If you make enough of them a lot of those people with unhealthy lives/intentions are going to fall to the wayside
 
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Archangel is offline Archangel Post #7  November 8,2009, 1:04pm
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I'm not divorced because my husband is being a pain about signing the paperwork and im having the pursue it legally but we've been seperated for many years (house, kids etc is all sorted) So while i understand im not legally single im very much mentally single and would have been legally single 2 years ago if he'd sign the damn paper's.

He's the first guy i've dated since my husband and he approched me.

I've been more than open about the state of my marriage because i know it would be a deal breaker for alot of guys.

If he simply couldn't handle the marriage situation and walked away i could cope but the constent messing around is driving me mental.
Last edited by Archangel; November 8,2009 at 1:06pm.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  November 8,2009, 1:09pm
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Okay, when I hear unsoliticed remarks about dating multiple men, I wonder why she would do that (the options are not good: self-aggrandizing or trying to goad me into competing with money for her attention ... neither of which work on me.)

You may have a situation where he enjoyed flirting but never intended to go further. I flirt with women from time to time, because they are not available.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #9  November 8,2009, 1:13pm
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File a motion of default in the court where the original divorce petition was filed. The spouse will be notified of the action. If the spouse fails to respond, the divorce will be granted and he or she will forfeit the right to oppose the terms contained in the original petition.


That's how it works in most places.


I don't really understand a divorce process dragging on for years. If you really want to be divorced, then you can be. I don't think too many people will really take you seriously until you are.

Hopefully you aren't active on eHarmony as a person still legally married.
 
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spacecapsule is offline spacecapsule Post #10  November 8,2009, 1:14pm

I hate ****ed eHarmony!

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melman wrote :
Your divorce isn't final. What exactly are you expecting? Very few well-adjusted guys are going to touch you with a 10-foot pole.
Probably hoping your mom is available.
 
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