PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #31  November 6,2009, 10:12pm

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ThePriestess wrote :
Go ... someone ...

I haven't watched sports in half a year ... forget who's out there ...
Me neither.

But I agree with the status in your avatar. Fully.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #32  November 7,2009, 2:53am
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If you don't want to speak to a stranger on the phone then simply don't do it. And there is no need to feel foolish for feeling this way, many ladies are very uncomfortable with the phone as first contact and are actually far more comfortable with a face to face meeting as the first communication.

That is why the coffee-date-meeting is such a good idea- preferably mid-day or early afternoon.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #33  November 7,2009, 3:11am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
If you don't want to speak to a stranger on the phone then simply don't do it. And there is no need to feel foolish for feeling this way, many ladies are very uncomfortable with the phone as first contact and are actually far more comfortable with a face to face meeting as the first communication.

That is why the coffee-date-meeting is such a good idea- preferably mid-day or early afternoon.
Yup. Don't do anything you are uncomfortable doing. Many guys are uncomfortable with this too. And when one side or the other is both is "forcing" something, it will show.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #34  November 7,2009, 4:07am
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Or it could be that the real hurdle isn't the conversation after making the call... it's making the call. My first non-e-mail contact with my match (after some weeks of e-mail, actually, and plenty of "textual chemistry") was via Skype. I hadn't used the software before and one day when I noticed he was logged on I hit what turned out to be the call button. Suddenly--there he was, in living color! Startled me half to death... but he was all smiles, and so was I, and we talked for three hours, until well past my bedtime.

The dread was worse than the deed.

Good luck, nightling!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #35  November 7,2009, 4:37am
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D_Lion wrote :
Picture your phone in your mind.

Now, imagine that phone is connected by a little wire ... to my phone, such that when you call I wll be there, breathlessly waiting to say ... whatever it is I say.

On the bright side, it may connect you to someone else.
Ribb-it
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #36  November 7,2009, 4:42am
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VB_Girl wrote :
First take a deep breath, he's probably just as nervous as you are now. You should email (or text) to find convenient time to talk. Try and keep it short if you can (some guys are actually phone people and will carry on a long conversation ) and maybe suggest coffee or a drink as a way to end the call if you are interested in meeting in person. Or you can send him your phone number and let him initiate the call.
You have gotten a lot of good advice here, but I think this one says it best overall. Make a "phone appointment" and just do it.

You are only frozen because you probably feel on some level something like the rest of your life may be riding on this. This may sound silly, but when you are new in this venue some of the things you think are quite silly until you pull them out and look at them critically in the light of day. So give the whole thing a little less importance in your own mind, it is foreign to you maybe because you have no idea what you want from the other person. Or they from you. When you know them IRL (and you say you have done this IRL before) it's easy.... you know why you are calling, it's clear to you. In this context it's a big question mark, but one thing I can say is that IMHO you should usually at least have a little chat on the phone prior to meeting - sometimes this exercise tells you that you are better off not meeting.... rare, but it happens.
Hope this helps!
Lilycat
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #37  November 7,2009, 4:48am
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nightling wrote :
Well I can't find the post now, but some other lady posted about this very problem and I definitely feel her pain. I wish I could remember where her post was to go and say so.

I'm at that stage in communication with a match where he's given me his phone number and suggested I call. This is actually how the Dr. Warren communication recommends you do it, blocking your phone number.

My problem ... what is my problem?

I'm frozen stiff solid as a cube of ice. I don't know if I can call this person, a virtual stranger. It just feels sooooo weird. I do not know this person at all. I never in this context called anyone I did not know very well before.

I do not even know if there's any chemistry here. Can't tell a damn thing from a photograph and text on a screen. What the he.ll am I doing? lol I am really not sure about this whole thing.

Not that I will poof on the guy. But I seriously feel creeped out by this whole process. I do not know what to do with myself.

*freaking out*
Is double standard the right term to use here

Men are supposed to do the asking
Men are supposed to do the calling
Men are supposed to send First Questions

Why, because, it might be awkward or uncomfortable or heaven forbid he might not be interested and you would feel rejected.

nightling now you are getting a bit of the feelings that every guy that has ever called and asked you out feels. You can either suck it up and call him or you can close using the reason of "I am not ready to take the next step." What would happen if he actually asked to meet you?
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #38  November 7,2009, 4:57am
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I agree with lilycat. When you are new to the online dating realm, everything feels a little too important. It's just a quick phone call to say hello.

I think sometimes we can get all hung up into what they will think of our voice? What will we talk about? Will we sound stupid? etc.

Shift your thinking into "curiosity" mode. It's no longer about what they are thinking of you. It's all about being curious about them! I always had several things I was curious about just going off their profile and it would give me a few questions to start it off with. Mostly I just want to know what their story is and once they begin to chat, what to say just comes naturally.

Try to just tell yourself you are meeting new friends with potential. If you have a mindset that you are looking for the love of your life and all that, it brings a little oddness and pressure into the situation.
 
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clearlyoblique is offline clearlyoblique Post #39  November 7,2009, 5:01am
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Nightling, I do something that makes me feel "expected". When a guy sends me his number, I ask, "when is a good time to call?" This gives me a target time and then I think that it's expected ... and I just call. I'm always nervous. I'm not any different.

When I feel like I need ground ... for lack of a better word, I ask: "Isn't this process interesting? I have no idea who you are!" or something to that effect. The guy is usually agreeing, reassuring. Often they have more experience at it (they used to have to cold call the girl) ... so often they take over a little here.

I like the phone stage. Remember, it isn't a progression. You are at square one again. This time the square is different. When you meet, another square. Think of it as a colorful rubix cube. A game. He is going to help or thwart with the squares. It's OK. We all are doing it.

Again, I think it was the Crunch Captain who put all this into understandable terms for me. God love him!

oooo I'm hungry for some cereal. oooo maybe some Cheerios oooo oooo ooo ooooo ooooo ooo nom nom nom nom nom.
 
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timezonetrekker is offline timezonetrekker Post #40  November 7,2009, 8:00am
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I really don't like to be the one to initiate the calling either. It can be awkward. You could turn it around by giving him your number, or you could bite the bullet and make the call. When I've chosen option B, it has gone very smoothly. After, "Hi, this is Suzie," the conversation seems to take on a life of its own. I don't suggest a meet, though. To me, if he's interested, he'll do it.

As far as chemistry is concerned, I don't think you can tell until you meet face-to-face.
 
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