peg099 is offline peg099 Post #11  November 6,2009, 7:32pm
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TheWanderer wrote :
Nice guy =/= good man, kind man, decent man, etc. It seems like it's been pitted against "bad boy" as the two extremes on the spectrum. If that's the case, "nice guy" should really be replaced with "boring wimp."
Clearly, you've been reading my posts in various nice guy/good men threads Yes, 'boring wimp' and 'people-pleaser' would be appropriate descriptions of most 'nice guys'.

The problem is, although there have been countless threads on these boards started by guys claiming to be 'nice guys' and not getting women because of it, nobody has ever come here and starting whining about women not wanting boring wimps or people-pleasers. They all describe themselves as 'nice guys'. Plus a lot of the depictions of the 'nice guy' in popular culture are also more along the lines of 'boring wimp' or over-eager people-pleaser.

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Plenty of nice guys think they deserve sex and affection simply because they're decent human beings. That's a start, but you've really got to bring more to the table.
Yeah. I mean shouldn't being a decent human being be pretty much a given and just a starting point? I'm a decent human being, but I don't expect guys to want to date me solely on that basis. There needs to be compatibility on things like intelligence, philosophy of life, some attraction, respect for various traits I have, some shared interests, etc.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #12  November 6,2009, 7:35pm
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Emme wrote :
He was also married over 30 years so he's probably just happy to have someone new to tell about all these things.

Funny!

I still see this as worth some time (provided there are no other bad signs.)

People do change. I have. So have many people I've known.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #13  November 6,2009, 7:39pm

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Emme wrote :
I wouldn't mind a "boring" type of relationship. Drama is not for me. Cooking dinner together, watching sports together, working in the yard together, walking the dog together... all boring by some people's standards, but they sound like heaven to me.
If some people thought these things are boring, then I have another activity to suggest them: Go fly a kite! (maybe they won't be as bored!)

I think those stuff you mentioned are nice things to do! OK maybe add visiting new restaurants, go shopping, wine tasting and hiking and working out together. That's perfect for me!

Don't let those people make you think these are boring!

Boring people rule!!!!
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #14  November 6,2009, 8:35pm
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Emme wrote :
-snip-

I can't believe I finally met a nice man and I can't have him. Where are the rest of you nice guys? Nerdy is great, don't care about bald or not, paunch or not, height, any of that "just packaging" stuff. I want nice, with some interests in common. Where are you all???
Do you fancy going for a coffee?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  November 7,2009, 6:39am
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Emme wrote :
...
He is fascinated by his job, and while I'm a willing listener for most things, he seems to have no other interests. He doesn't see movies, doesn't watch sports, doesn't read, isn't up on the news, etc.
...

I guess this post is more of a whine than anything. Why can't I find a nice guy with whom I can actually have something in common? I'm sooo frustrated.
There for a minute I thought you were talking about me I don't go out alone which means that I don't often see movies and except for watching F1 races I could care less about sports. But I do read sometimes and I have some idea of what is going on in the news.

Would you like a little cheese with that whine
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #16  November 7,2009, 6:41am
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Emme wrote :
...
I can't believe I finally met a nice man and I can't have him. Where are the rest of you nice guys? Nerdy is great, don't care about bald or not, paunch or not, height, any of that "just packaging" stuff. I want nice, with some interests in common. Where are you all???
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #17  November 7,2009, 7:00am
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I have to ask a question that is hinted at by others but not really asked or answered.

The guy in question has been in his job for 30 some years and was married for the same length of time.

I see three possible answers here.
A. He is totally into his job because he is a workaholic, still trying to climb the ladder, overachiever, etc.
B. He works because that is all he knows and that is all he wants.
C. He works because that is all he knows because he has never had anyone draw him out into other interests and hobbies.

If "A" then everything in life is always going to be second to his job.

If "B" then you are not going to be able to budge him much but you will always know where he is and that he knows how to keep his pants zipped.

If "C" then there is hope but it may take some work on your part.

And now for a second question that has not even been mentioned. Why is he no longer married after 30 years? If he is widowed then he is looking for nothing more than someone to share some time and space with. He would expect that you would be interested in hearing about his job all the time. His wife listened for 30 years.

If he is divorced then he may be able to change.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #18  November 7,2009, 8:29am

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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
Do you fancy going for a coffee?
I'd love to, but if we meet halfway between us we'd have to find a coffee shop in the middle of the Atlantic.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #19  November 7,2009, 8:33am
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That's what yachts are for.
 
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TomatoSauce is offline TomatoSauce Post #20  November 7,2009, 12:29pm
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He talk about his job because he love his job and love haven't happened for you yet.
Spend time and as he fall slowly in love with you, i guess he will talk about his job less ? Good luck to both of you
 
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