Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People


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WonderWomsn is offline WonderWomsn Post #81  November 12,2009, 5:46am
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I am sure that everyone starts with a pool of people that they are matched with. Then if you really want any of them to work you have to spend time and energy on finding which one is most interesting to you. There has to be a point when you focus on one person otherwise you could always be looking for someone better and not realise what you already have.
The thing is for honesty - let all potential partners know that you are talking/ seeing others; especially if they are thinking you are in an exclusive relationship. If they decide to move on then that is their decision, and you should not be upset as you are not exclusive and have others to concentrate on.
It's important to be honest in answering the 'are you talking to/seeing others - don't understand men who can not answer that question - why do they do that? Could someone please explain that to me...
 
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claire09 is offline claire09 Post #82  November 12,2009, 5:47am
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I learned that dating one man exclusively at first is just setting a woman up for disappointment. Reality says that if you met someone on Eharmony then they are also dating other people.

Many people may feel uncomfortable talking about their dating lives to "strangers". Plus, its called dating because you are getting to know different people to see who stands out.

Now, having said that. I think that dating multiple people should only be an issue when both parties agree to be exclusive. Otherwise, its wise to assume that you are not the only person they are seeing.

I am seeing a man that stands out now, but I am not assuming that he isn't also interested in other women. So, I continue to date other men until he steps it up. If he remains casual, then I will.

Now, later on as we get to know one another more if he asks me to be exclusive then I will be more than happy to, but until then I will continue to receive matches and date.
 
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fd315 is offline fd315 Post #83  November 12,2009, 6:09am
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Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
It's good that you recognize this. I think it's a sign you should do something. You can do any or all of these things: be realistic about the possibility and learn to accept it without getting upset, share your feelings with the guy and hope he makes a move towards exclusivity, or initiate the conversation yourself directly.

Or else you can can wait for it to happen, get angry, blame him until you feel better about yourself, cite higher morality as if he should have known better, and get all your friends to validate your position. But that's probably not the best thing for the relationship.
 
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45470ss is offline 45470ss Post #84  November 12,2009, 6:41am
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Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
I would be upset to if I found out that my match was seeing some body else while I was seeing them, to me that is very wrong, if you can't stay or see one person get the hell out & move on, I can never see multiple people like some guys out there can, I sure don't want STD, I feel if you can't stay with one something is wrong with you, besides I'm a one person man & I stay with that person.
 
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lilbangladesh is offline lilbangladesh Post #85  November 12,2009, 7:01am
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I've done it a lot, especially lately. And it makes sense, especially as you get older. How can you waste the time being immediately exclusive with someone when you have no idea whether or not they are compatible or a tool or whatnot? Take some time to know someone, then decide whether or not to be exclusive. Seeing multiple people, as long as you ethical about it, saves time. It also has the advantage of slowing the rush to the bedroom with someone new because MOST people aren't into sleeping with more than one person at a time.

Communication is key, though. It is not ethical to string someone along, and when you realize that you're not really into someone, it's best to cut the cord sooner rather than later.

That said, I have noticed that I have been far more honest and ethical than men, in general. I just wish they would give me the respect of being honest about that. If I'm not the only one, fine, but tell me the truth and let me decide if I want to continue in that situation.

Sometimes there are men that I'm only interested in casually. I'm very upfront about that fact, because I don't want to be casual with someone who may have deeper feelings for me. That would be unethical. I just wish that men who were only interested in something casual with me would be upfront as well, instead of promising a relationship that they never intend to fulfill. I should be allowed to decide whether or not to get involved, rather than be suckered in by false pretenses. If I know upfront that it is casual, I can decide to go forward, or not, but if I do and it ends, I would not have any reason to be angry at all. What causes me to get angry is people who promise stuff they have no intention of delivering.
 
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likiliki is offline likiliki Post #86  November 12,2009, 7:05am
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It is not wrong to date multi-people, but it can result in a disaster if you are dating one you are serious about and others. Some people will become upset and perhaps even angry when they discover what you are doing. The other problem is: it makes your life difficult ... you can get caught in your own crossfire.
Best to date one at a time and if that one is not the one for you move on.

Lee K
 
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misswright is offline misswright Post #87  November 12,2009, 8:05am

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yes i feel that it is fine to date more then one person at a time this give you time too see if any of them are what you are looking for .an as going out it can be expensive but if they ask you out for what ever,.. take it that they might be paying! but if not it best that you plan that way you know what to expect. cause if it not in you budget just say i donot have it to go out ..this let you know that if they understand that you may go out in the future. and we all may have or not been their when that one out of the group say that you have sex. cause it was what you or they may felt at that moment but it did not turn out the way you felt. it one of the regret's . and both of you had not ever said you wanted too only date each other exclusvie. so here were the [Ethical come in] so that best that you say first what you want and make sure the other parties are on the same page.cause that act alone can have some too asume what is not their.have them wanting more than what you may want too put in .for any thing to be health on all parties it is best that you have good communication skill REAL TALK !!
 
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charlie990 is offline charlie990 Post #88  November 12,2009, 9:01am
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parakeetjordan wrote :
Can we discuss the ethical considerations of dating multiple people, how specifically the people of this board have handled juggling dating different people at the same time (i.e., give examples), and at what point does dating multiple people before one is in an exclusive relationship feel unethical to you?
Its dependant on MANY factors..the primary one being one's own idea of ethics...
some are 'people persons' and incabable of feeling satiated alone .. 'neediness' is a big factor..
How does the potential date feel if its known that he/she is simply one of several others ?... definately a No-No for the terminally insecure ..

When relating to sexual partners its not a healthy practice to have multiple partners for very obvious reasons, especially true for women.
lifestyle is another factor ...
Personal experience :- I enjoyed multiple very short term relationships in my 20's simply due to the conditions at that time ..it was NOT something consciously sought.. but a case of living according to conditions of lifestyle at that time, being in a travelling theatre company.
In my 30's I was concerned with planning for the future so kept to one exclusive partner.
Today I cannot see any point in dating more than one person at a time... life is short and there simply is not the time to give one's best to more than one special person .
I'd feel very uncomfortable trying to juggle more than one relationship ..
So ..different strokes for different folks at different stages of life ... you have to find what works for you and your potential partner...
 
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Courtieur is offline Courtieur Post #89  November 12,2009, 9:24am
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I've been off board for a while so I cheated and read only first and last page of the posts. I apologize if this was discussed already. I didn't see anyone touch on what they believe are "ethical considerations". As for examples, I will start by saying I believe dating multiple people is fine as long as there are boundaries set from an "ethical" standpoint. My view of ethics while dating multiple women may not be the same as others so here's my view/examples which I share for your consideration.
1. While dating multiple, I will wait to have sex until I find one partner I truly like as I'd like to repeat it with them alone (not looking for one night stand).
2. I let them know there's others but I am not blunt in telling them they are one of many on the totem pole since I don't want them to feel like they have a ranking. I subtly find ways for her to know/hear I have many female friends and I am friendly and hang out with them, but never giving preference or special treatment until we move towards exclusivity.
3. While dating many, I will give pecks on the lips but never full make out sessions until I decide I want to pursue this particular relationship further, and postpone or stop all others meanwhile.
4. Never talk about other people you're dating, this is just plain rude and inconsiderate.
5. While dating others, I avoid or limit introducing to my friends, and never to family until I begin more exclusive time with her. (now I just hope she's spending more exclusive time with me at this point)
6. Pickup lines don't fit. These are for one night stands. I prefer to get to know a person so obviously I never say the same thing or promise false hopes. However, I can truthfully say "I am a one woman guy, I just haven't found that ONE woman, and would be happy to find her sooner than later". After all, we date to find that one person don't we?
7. While dating multiple women, I never take more than one out on the same night. The previous date that day can affect/influence your behavior on the other.
8. My personal favorite, always ask up front, usually my VERY FIRST question on a date after we've settled in. I ask if them how jealous a personality they are on scale of 1 to 10. This sparks an impact and conversation about jealousy in-and-out of a committed relationship, appropriateness, and we share examples, and begin to set the ground rules for understanding unacceptable behavior
These are just some examples of how I justify my acceptance of dating multiple people. Not right or wrong, but a preference. To each their own. Good luck, be safe, and be happy.
 
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Valentinasspin is offline Valentinasspin Post #90  November 12,2009, 10:32am
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To MY5cents:

Yes I agree.
My belief is that once you have been intimate, this would be more than the good night at the door kiss. Press the pause button.
Now you have just found some chemistry with someone and the behavior of that chemstry is mutual.
Tune in now to comaptible morality or you will have no future or be walked on.
No. He should not be getting down to anything with anyone else.

I have had to bring this up politely with one gentleman as I will only check the website once after an encounter.
Here is what I get :
"I am sorry we moved a bit fast".
"I hate the idea of never seeing you again".
It was hard, but I said sorry, no can do and mostly this man had a daughter and the killer question was, "What would you tell your daughter to do now ?
No answer needed.
There is no blunder.
 
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