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jayjay jayjay is offline
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shoopthedoop wrote :
....Afterwards it's nasty and gross.
Only if you're doing it right.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:40 pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
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Let's reverse it: what does it say about your ethics if you expect someone to only be dating you when you are not in a relationship?
- November 6th, 2009, 05:31 pm
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lionsfan lionsfan is offline
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I'm somewhat not sure, how to handle the situation that I'm in either? I'm only in open communication, at this point with the two woman. I do want to be upfront, with both woman. I'm just not sure what is, the best way to bring the topic up? One of them and I have been talking, for a little over a month. and the other one and I have just this past weekend, went to open communication. I feel it is important tell them, I'm talking with the both of them, at the same time. If for no other reason but respect for their feelings any suggestion would be a great help.
- November 6th, 2009, 06:26 pm
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melman melman is offline
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Open Communication is not dating.

And First Meetings are not dating. They're just introductions. And you're not even to that point yet.

You're putting the cart before the horse. Do you have guy friends? Do you only talk to one at a time? There's no reason to think about OC any differently.
- November 6th, 2009, 06:45 pm
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Lilycat Lilycat is offline
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lionsfan wrote :
I'm somewhat not sure, how to handle the situation that I'm in either? I'm only in open communication, at this point with the two woman. I do want to be upfront, with both woman. I'm just not sure what is, the best way to bring the topic up? One of them and I have been talking, for a little over a month. and the other one and I have just this past weekend, went to open communication. I feel it is important tell them, I'm talking with the both of them, at the same time. If for no other reason but respect for their feelings any suggestion would be a great help.
I agree with Melman - I don't think that you should worry about it until after you have met them both. You are not dating anyone yet, and you don't even know if you will meet either of them in real life. IMHO it should be understood at that stage that you may be communicating with more than one person, but bringing up the topic might be a little off putting at this stage.
If you have been talking that long, why don't you meet? Might put things into a better perspective for you...... just a suggestion.

Lilycat
- November 6th, 2009, 06:52 pm
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Personally I cannot see how one can give full attention to more than one individual... but some individuals are insatiable.. I suppose its different strokes for different folks .. as regards the ethics, given the fact that most people lie about many things, multiple relationships are hardly conducive to honesty...
- November 6th, 2009, 07:25 pm
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my5cents my5cents is online now
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Thank you. I was reading the other posts and beginning to believe that I am the only one who only gets a first date. Of course the other poster are women so I am wondering why the ones that post here give the guy the opportunity for more than one date before dropping him, they sure don't live down here.

So in order to know that your date is checking the dating site would mean that you are also checking the dating site. Double standard here???
To explain the situation would take too long, what I will say is there was NOT a double standard here as I was not looking at other matches. It was a situation where things were said in person and yet his actions were another. I'll leave it at that.
- November 6th, 2009, 08:56 pm
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nightling nightling is offline
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This is I think a really good topic to think about, Parrakeet. Thanks for posting it.

This type of dating is really different from real life. If I went out with someone in real life, I usually have already developed a certain level of rapport and know I'm interested. I know things about them from mutual friends, I know something about them that intrigues me, and I'm aware of at least some of their "history." I know I haven't seen their name in the newspaper for any heinous crimes and I know that they aren't a total lunatic.

But in this venue, who knows? I am thinking a person could be faking it much more easily at least in the beginning because you have no social framework to check in with. You have only the text on a screen and the impressions they wanted to give if you choose to meet them. You don't know their friends to ask about them so you will only "know" what they tell you.

So I think until you are really sure about them, they have no business expecting any exclusivity and vice versa. I need to know a lot about a person before I'm ready to say I don't want to see anyone else even if I have met them in real life and feel comfortable that I know a lot about them ... and I think I would see a person too willing to become exclusive in the beginning stages of this process as perhaps filling validation or other needs, rather than really responding to who I am as a person ... which would in turn really make me wonder if I'm seeing the real person yet.

So personally, I will keep my options open until I'm certain what I'm getting into for the rest of my life and I expect them to do the same.
Last edited by nightling; November 6th, 2009 at 10:46 pm.
- November 6th, 2009, 10:42 pm
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Annnnne Annnnne is offline
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my5cents wrote :
I think in the case of internet dating, it's almost impossible to date or correspond with just one person at a time. I have met two men in one week, but none of them worked out so I've never gotten to experience dating multiple people. I think corresponding is one thing, and dating multiple people would be hard. I guess go out with them until you can narrow down who fits you best and what you're looking for. At that time it would be best to talk about exclusivity.

I also think it's very difficult to be with someone when you can see they check their profile every day and are still actively searching (you can see this on other dating sites). In someways the internet may not be your friend. <--That was hard for me when I was dating a guy for some months, because it kind of makes the foundation of what a relationship based on hard to build on. At least for me since I'm really a one woman to one man kind of gal.
Can you see with eH how often somone is onlin? I know you can see if they look at you as long as they are not anonymous, but is there something I'm missing?
- November 7th, 2009, 12:30 am
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DavidP001 DavidP001 is offline
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parakeetjordan wrote :
Can we discuss the ethical considerations of dating multiple people, how specifically the people of this board have handled juggling dating different people at the same time (i.e., give examples), and at what point does dating multiple people before one is in an exclusive relationship feel unethical to you?
This is kind of a multi part question so here we go.

I do date multiple ladies at once, but only if they are all CASUAL dates, as in they havent gotten past dinner and a movie or to the hand holding stages yet... no emotions, no commitments, and definatly no sex yet.

In doing so i make sure that im HONEST to each one of them. I answer every question they have 100% honestly, including if im seeing someone else.

If i make a promise, i dont break it. Which means if someone asks for an exclusive relationship, i stop dating the others.

I dont start getting involved with without asking for it to be exclusive,and i dont have casual sex.

Which means, dating to me is more like friendship, with some flirting.

To me, you can only be wrong if you lie or hurt someone through non-disclosure.

This means if you have an open relationship with someone, your in the clear as far as im concerned, go for it as long as everyone knows whats going on. I wont ever be involved with open relationships, but i dont judge those who do.

I am not fond of cheaters because they have to lie to be a cheater. People can waste their whole lives because they thought their partner was honest... its just wrong to treat someone like that.
- November 7th, 2009, 05:29 am
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